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Mutya is miserable and wierd-looking. Going out with her would be about as much fun as attending every day of every party political conference. Keisha's ok, but doesn't do much for me. Heidi on the other hand is extremely shaggable, and has been known to smile occasionally. However I'd happily...

It stunk. Big time.

Shame the guy who wrote it topped himself then!

Sneak into John Prescott's office. Find the Falmer documents. Write: "YES YES YES, for fook's sake! JP" all over them. And, yes, then go and perv over Nadine Coyle.

Just looked to see if the BBC had any team news, and spotted their hilarious "feeling his groin" joke. Oh my aching sides… Burnley v Brighton Burnley defender Frank Sinclair could feature after playing 70 minutes for the reserves as he stepped up his comeback from a hamstring injury. Danny...

elyoC enidaN I know I nominated her earlier, just fancied doing it from behind this time.

Me: "Would you like a cup of tea?" Her: "Are you having one?" Me: "No..." Her: "Well, I won't then." OR Me: "Would you like a cup of tea?" Her: "Are you having one?" Me: "Yeah..." Her: "OK, yes please." FFS. You either want a cup of tea or you don't, why does your ****ing answer have to...

Nadine Coyle.

I need to have a little lie down after reading that, it makes my head hurt.

Nasal hair.

Moments from being mauled to death, this lucky fox was saved yesterday when the annual Sussex & Downs Hunt was interrupted by another fascinating post from MYOB on his computer knowledge. Hounds, fox and hunters alike were, quite literally, transfixed.

No. Work it out for yourself, it's half the fun. ;)

"Beagles! Beagles! Beagles!"

You really should stop sharing your bed with Guy Ritchie.

28-3. Get in there.

20/20 for English.

It's famous amongst cyclists - doing that climb is a once-in-a-lifetime achievement, so no wonder there's so many. Tom Simpson was so full of amphetamine and methylamphetamine that he became delirious and unaware of his own dehydration and exhaustion – not something likely to happen to your...

New albums (or just about to be out) from The New Pornographers, Sigur Ros, Broadcast, Sing Sing, Eileen Rose and Gemma Hayes are all worth checking out.

Anybody else watching this? Poor guy has no recollection of anything that has happened in his life, anything that he's done. Can't even watch a game of rugby or cricket other than for the immediate moment because he can't remember the preceeding events of the game. This was somebody who was a...

Not my first love, no, but there has been someone whom I’ve never quite shaken out of my system. I know we’d never really have been suited in most aspects of life, and perhaps that’s why we were together for three seperate relationships without any one of those ever converting into ‘the one’...