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Former England batsman Ian Ward has announced his retirement to take up a full-time broadcasting career. Ward, 33, was only half-way through a four-year contract with Sussex, who he joined after 12 years with Surrey, but struggled with injury in 2005. "I know I'll miss it when the new season...

Bollocks to that. The moment you get the SMS, leap up and shout YES!! YES!! YES!!, before running round the room three times and then out the door. I'm sure your lecturer and fellow students would understand.

I need a short movie for a design project we're working on – ideally a 4-6 second close-up of someone dribbling or heading a ball etc. It needs to be an extreme close-up, ideally. Anyone know where I could hunt online for one? ta.

And from The Mirror the other day... Rio Ferdinand's management company waited until Thursday night - just as the football world learned he was being dropped by England - to boast about the defender signing a "seven-figure book deal" for "a revealing autobiography" which will "lift the lid on...

Pretty sure other people have said that the ODPM only makes these kind of announcements on Tues/Wed/Thurs*, so middle of next week is looking pretty definite. Apologies if this is untrue, it's just what I've heard rather than what I know.

You must be the only Palace fan who didn't fold their ticket stub into the nose of a paper airplane – constructed from that oh-so-kneequakingly-intimidating 'red and blue card shambles' – and throw it onto the pitch, in one of the most laughable displays of petulance ever.

Be thankful it isn't Sainsbury's. The thought of rubber lipped big tongued mockney git Jamie Oliver doing the opening ceremony at 'The Pukka Dome' would be too grim to contemplate.

As any wellie-wearing, pond-fondling resident of ye olde Falmer village can tell you, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BATS. Bats can 'hear' distance by using ultrasonic waves. All your average Palace fan has to do, in order to not go to the game but still claim a goal "sounded" onside, is keep a few bats...

Got a train from Thornton Heath to Victoria with lots of glum scum. It was difficult to keep the grin off my face as they moaned about what a shit game it was and how both sides were crap and so on. :lolol: My favourite was the Palace muppet who was on his phone, explaining how he'd come down...

He's probably still in the Arthur Wait stand, ranting furious Magoo-out spleen across a deserted pitch.

It was so lame. And their feeble 'flag' at the other end... woo, huge!

Agree. In some photos she looks really shaggable, in others she's a bit rough. She's not conventionally pretty, but I definitely would. Just not on a lonely road at night, I guess.

Trial has just started, what do you think about this case?

£100 on BHAFC to win Div 3 in 2000-1, came in at 10-1. Which was nice.

Don't be so cryptic with your "this link" coyness – if you've got a URL you're proud of, shout it out. Like these guys: Firstly there is Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous: http://www.whorepresents.com Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where...

Beat me to it – I was about to nominate the Scunny Honey vote! Didn't we even get acknowledged in the local paper? Also remember mobbing onto the wedding 'album' site of some overweight religious Americans, think we got a mention in the wedding speeches for that one. The one I always remember...

Jesus. That's almost breathtaking in its embarassment and crapness. How much do you regret posting that?

As it says when you vote on a poll: 'Don't want to wait any longer?'

Is this that sudoku thing? Don't have a clue how to play.

Seriously Round one: The Vendee Globe Next round: the fiction of David Foster Wallace Not-so-seriously Round one: Nadine Coyle Next round: Advanced Nadine Coyle