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I know this one without having to look. "Imagine" by John Lennon. If I'd been born two days later, it would have been "Shaddap You Face" by Joe Dolce.

I got a really nice MP3 player for 100 quid, it's a Phillips one and it holds 128MB (about 4 albums worth) Also you can transfer files and stuff around on it cos it acts just like a regular removable hard drive. It's really small, too.

"The constant rush-for-the-bus chant finally proved too much for one fan"

Look at the Steve Gritts on that

Happy Birthday JB. Sorry I never made it to Bristol. And remember: please shut the window fully.

I notice there are still no Scottish MPs on there. Might I suggest a letter from a Scottish person to George Foulkes, the Labour MP who's also just become chairman of Hearts?

Yes, but if I was selling a flat next to Emma Bunton's flat, I'd expect plenty of people to pay more just for living next to Emma Bunton. Most of the people who post on the Thread Full Of Beautiful Ladies, any road up...

This sounds like the sort of twattery deliberately cooked up by estate agents to push up property prices. For example, did Emma Bunton ever buy somewhere in that posh new block on the seafront?

Was there not a cricket match under floodlights at the Goldstone once? Did anyone go to that?

I once went to see the youth team play a pre-season friendly away at Bognor, which was held on a park in Chichester somewhere I think. I also went to Goodison to see the youth team in the FA Youth Cup against Everton.

This is your birthday song It isn't very long. Have a good one

When the devil gets a job at an ice rink

Happy birthday matey. I believe bravery exists :D

Marvellous. He's still got the same jumper on that he used to wear when I first went there twelve years ago!

That's a rather unkind description of the BBC, if you don't mind me saying :D

My favourite was from a pre-season friendly between Southampton and, I think, Aberdeen. The carrot-topped young sports reporter from the local radio station Northsound One went to speak to Gordon after the game and started his interview with something like: "So Gordon, pleased to be in...

I left in 1997. My abiding memory of Mr Schilt is him putting a wooden brick through a TV screen in a fit of rage. Rest of the time he was a very funny and very nice bloke though.

Ah yes, Oxdown. You'll get the one about the helicopter crash involving the company director, and indeed the ice cream factory farm that burns down. You get extra points for saying that "flames licked the farm buildings". Well at least I did.

Nicked this idea from the Boundstone thread. First of all, a big Big Up to Andy Schofield, who's now the head but was deputy head in my days. Man City fan but used to go to the Goldstone, still writes for the programme, and once (after I'd left) got Darren Freeman to be guest of honour at the...

Mid-day supervisory assistant? Dinner lady, to you or I.