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When it's warm, you'll turn to yellow water.

Personally I'd sit them all down and make them fill out a questionnaire stating their favourite colour, hobbies, cooking ability, personal hygiene, known allergies and views on the political situation in Eastern Timor. After that they'd get a good raggin' in the following order: Far right...

See left... though bacon need not be stripy (a bit poncey)

After getting Xbox live for Xmas and getting thoroughly dicked on by everyone I play at ProEvo4, Halo2 or TopSpin - are there any NSCers with Xbox live that wish to improve their rankings? Mr Currywurst is my user name...

Barntit, my hotmail (nsc) email was deactivated so didn't get your mail, just reactivated -try the mail again and I'll send some info. What do you want - Michelin Star restaurants or bars where the barmaid pulls pints with her fanny - a "cheeky pint" as they call it - though they got the wrong...

Star Wars So I could rescue Leia in her gold lamae bikini. P.S. What a wank poll.

Star Wars So I could rescue Leia in her gold lamae bikini. P.S. What a wank poll.

Gianluigi BUFFOON WILLY van der JERKOFF Johan FORESKINS (Van der Kerkhoff and Neeskens - total football for you youngsters) and why no David SEMEN yet ... ffs

David BELLENDion Didier DRUGba Damian MUFF Jimmy HEMMARROID HasselWANK Darius VASELINE

Ahhh Saltdean, Rottingdean... jumpers for goalposts, dog poo on the pitch, Basil at the Newsagents, the Spanish Lady, Black Horse (what happened to the f'n Harveys), Biscuit's Grandmum school secretary, Mr. Meadows (knob), sneaking in Butlins snooker room, summer days jumping off the prom into...

329m so far... you red nosed reindeer fondler... http://www.learn4good.com/games/action/sling_shot_santa.htm

Sports socks and vaseline on the offending area, though you will have the mankiest socks in the team afterwards. Other than that go barefoot everywhere for two weeks - that'll harden your pansy, fairy liquid feet up.

Not that I'm hairy or anything...

I once told Simon Rodger who was marking me in an under 18's cup final (Whitehawk vs. The Albion) - "you'll be playing in the County League next year" after he grabbed his Seagulls badge, shoved it in my face and said "see this - pro club..." after he'd trod on my toes. I also predicted Kerry to...

Indeed, one of those mum's sent on her Alsatian to bite our right back's arse in my old Whitehawk under 15's days. A chavette before her time...

Ye talketh bollox. Never heard of him... and I live in pastryland. There's only one player in Denmark worth watching - Mohammed Zidan from the same club and we couldn't afford the "e" to put on the end of his name...

This is indeed grim news. I spent my Harveys education in the Black Horse. What next, topless barmaids... :p

Who can resist the image to the left....

I think Sven has become too Italian. The way we sat back yesterday and against France after taking 1 - 0 leads just doesn't work for the English. Compound that by bringing on Phil Neville with 20 minutes to go and you've seen all the negativity you can cope with. Portugal played the English way...

The new Brazilian kit for the 2006 World Cup is launched...