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Speaking about his mugging ordeal afterwards, Cilla's son Jack said: "The unexpected hit me between the eyes."

Do we have to click the one that promises us: "All the latest Arsenal news and views from 4thegame"? Much as I love NSC, I'm not going to. Sorry.

I'd advise against flying to Newcastle for the Boro game. Newc airport is a 25 minute Metro ride from Newcastle Central, then there'd be a 50 minute train ride to Middlesbrough. Teesside airport (please note: there are two Ss in Teesside) is much closer.

I can't see Newcastle signing him, because he comes across as a thoroughly nice bloke and not a dirty racist.

Still haven't a clue... but he's not the first European type I've encountered at a game. Me and my mate Richard once spent a very amusing afternoon at Hove trying to explain what was going on to two Italians who must have been at one of the nearby language schools. When the teams came off for...

The Guardian's Julie Burchill could be the first signing Ian Holloway makes for QPR following the sale of Richard Langley. Langley's transfer to Cardiff has generated the cash for Hoops boss Holloway to splash out again in the squeaky-voiced man-hater market. He told the club's official...

I was watching Kent against Sussex at Tunbridge Wells when the bloke sitting next to me stood up very slowly then collapsed on me. I was a little taken aback, but I spotted an ID bracelet on his wrist which confirmed he was a) diabetic and b) German. Then me and the famous West Indian batsman...

Nah - you're doing him a bit of a disservice there I think (I'm assuming you're being sarcastic btw!) George Parris was OK for our team at the time (which, granted, was a pile of poop). And I remember that "hiding behind the post" goal he scored against Bristol Rovers at the Goldstone once

Ah, Rosco, many's the time I've asked you for "scrambled egg, fried bread, beans, and .... shit, what did I want again? Oh yes and a coffee." It really is the best place to eat in Brighton... and here's a little known fact... if you go in the morning THE FOOD COSTS LESS. While at college I...

"Simple Simon Says" by the 1910 Fruitgum Company. I bought it from the old Smith's on the London Road... when the London Road was good and had some good shops on it.

Overtook some coffin-dodger, very stupidly and at about 60 mph, near the brow of a steep hill on the A68 in Northumberland. A bloody great Audi or something was heading straight for me. I pulled in with about a second to go before impact, and nearly shat myself. I have learned my lesson.

I've always been a subscriber to the "take 'em as young as possible" theory, mostly because my parents had no interest in football and as a result I could only go from age 11-ish, and even then only with friends and their parents. But then I went to England U21 v Slovakia at the Stadium of...

It's a bit Leeds but it's much better than our last yellow effort.

The second-best sledge ever was reported to have been directed by an unnamed Australian at Mr Key. "Why do you have so many f***ing initials? Is it one for each chin?"

Yup, I started it when he came on. Then a few others picked it up.

Nah - the "Leon Knight Knight Knight" song is pants. Who was the last player to be accorded the tune? It was Nicky Rust. 'Nuff said.

I know many of the West Country Seagulls and they're nice folk. If you like, PM me your email address and I'll pass it on to them.

Although it was funny when Oldham all sang "town full of poofters" and we replied with "you're just a town full of racists" immediately...

Off with the goolies! Slice them through!

Speaking of cheap flights... Newcastle to Bristol for 99p each way anyone? Add the tax and you get a return ticket for 22 quid or so. That's how I'm getting to the Plymouth game anyway.