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Stuart Murdoch would be a great choice. Belle and Sebastian are one of my favourite bands.

Constable Savage. "During the past month, savage you have brought no fewer than 117 ludicrous, petty and trumped up charges." "Yes, sir." "Against the same man, Savage. A Mr Winston Kodogo of 55 Mercer Road. Tell me, Savage... is Mr Kodogo by any chance a... coloured... gentleman?" "Well I...

Before this post, I should point out that You wouldn't catch me voting Tory even if Theresa May was holding a carving knife to my scrotum, but: Not while most current Conservative members (average age 65) are still alive, he won't. They won't think of him as a talented politician who would be...

Publishing someone's likeness in connection with a report about an active case can sometimes prejudice that case. (under the Contempt of Court Act 1981). Doesn't matter who it is.

I believe the techincal term is a "wide-on". Ahem.

Actually the way to fix most toilet seats that "slide to the side" is to tighten the nuts (oo-er) that fix the clips onto which your seat attaches. On most toilets (certainly on the Armitage Shanks classic design) you'll find them to the rear of the rim. Ahem.

Did you invite Guy Butters to sample your Armitage Shanks earlier this summer then?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I started that rumour on here and on a Stockport board at the same time, just to wind people up. What a bunch of feckless fuckers Football365 are!

There are easier ways to get everyone talking about you. Staying in London's Grosvenor House Hotel, for example.

Why not use it as an excellent opportunity to say what you think about the paper's Falmer coverage, or the fact it's charging sixty quid to read it on-line for a year? If you could encourage its parent company, Newsquest, to pay its journalists in Bradford more money, I'd be grateful too. See...

Call Madejski a thieving wanker on-air and I'll buy you a drink

I agree. The way we've BENT OVER and taken it hard up the arse from those f***ing Thames Valley f***ing twat-featured wankers really fucks me off! I won't be there on Sat, but I think everyone should sing YOU CAN STICK YOUR f***ing READING UP YOUR ARSE really loudly, the whole game. And...

Nah - Iain Dowie to Stockport. Not very well-kept secret.

A very good source has just told me the gangly drink-driving Brummie was spotted earlier today heading down the A23... Please god no.

Bugger 's a swear word. And arse .

Scaramouche, scaramouche, did you kill the Jill Dando?

Deano wears a bouffant wig. Didn't you know?

Micky Adams will be Leeds manager by the end of this season. Remember where you heard it first.

Yes, and yes. Profoundly so. But at least it's near the sea, which makes it much better than Stoke.