Bell Cheeses at work

[pearl]

The company I'm contracting with at the moment was recently taken over. Before the takeover it had one of the best cultures I've every encountered. That's crumbled in less than 6 months as the new company has lumbered in and antagonised people enough that around 60% of the staff have left, most of them voluntarily. While the whole approach of the new leadership team has shown a high level of bell-cheesery, the communication approach of the new CEO is on an altogether different level. Here is a snippet of a company blog he wrote:

"One of the reasons I do not unduly worry about attrition is because most of our voluntary attrition is generally because of self-assessed misalignment. And misalignment uncured creates a "suboptimal vector" issue"

I had to read this several times to work out what it means (basically, if you don't like it here, you can leave and I won't care). It is management-speak on a whole other level with almost none of the words actually meaning anything. Needless to say, this latest communication has led a number of the permanent staff to express an increased level of self-assessed misalignment.

The only good thing to come out of the takeover is the fact that I have a story for my favourite NSC thread.

Wow! They'll be fun at the Christmas do

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

"One of the reasons I do not unduly worry about attrition is because most of our voluntary attrition is generally because of self-assessed misalignment. And misalignment uncured creates a "suboptimal vector" issue"

And there was me thinking that sort of BS only gets spouted in the States. Even Sir Humphrey would be impressed with that

 

[8049]

And there was me thinking that sort of BS only gets spouted in the States. Even Sir Humphrey would be impressed with that

It's a US company! So we might still be safe.

 

[Lower West Stander]

Received this morning:-

Dear Colleagues,
We have recently received a number of reports regarding the sighting of rodents in the office.
We are doing all we can to combat this problem, but we need your help;
Could you please ensure that no food items are left out on desks, within pedestals, or on cabinets overnight.
This includes cereal, nuts, fruit, crisps or tea and coffee.

Any food that is left out, must be in an airtight plastic container or tin, this also applies to protein powder that is left under desks.

Any food items found in the office that are not in an airtight container or tin, will be disposed of by the cleaning staff during the night clean.

In addition to this, can we ask that you not keep lots of boxes, plastic bags or shoes under your desk. This is to prevent any rodents from nesting in that area.

If everyone does their part in implementing these measures, we can ensure that this doesn’t become a major problem.

Many thanks for your co-operation.

Regards,

Facilities

Keeping a tin of protein powder under your desk? Is that a thing?

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Received this morning:-

Dear Colleagues,
We have recently received a number of reports regarding the sighting of rodents in the office.
We are doing all we can to combat this problem, but we need your help;
Could you please ensure that no food items are left out on desks, within pedestals, or on cabinets overnight.
This includes cereal, nuts, fruit, crisps or tea and coffee.

Any food that is left out, must be in an airtight plastic container or tin, this also applies to protein powder that is left under desks.

Any food items found in the office that are not in an airtight container or tin, will be disposed of by the cleaning staff during the night clean.

In addition to this, can we ask that you not keep lots of boxes, plastic bags or shoes under your desk. This is to prevent any rodents from nesting in that area.

If everyone does their part in implementing these measures, we can ensure that this doesn’t become a major problem.

Many thanks for your co-operation.

Regards,

Facilities

Keeping a tin of protein powder under your desk? Is that a thing?

We had exactly the same thing here, without the explicit mention of Protein powder under the desk.

We don't have fixed desks, so it really helps to keep the desks clean.

 

[dazzer6666]

Received this morning:-

Dear Colleagues,
We have recently received a number of reports regarding the sighting of rodents in the office.
We are doing all we can to combat this problem, but we need your help;
Could you please ensure that no food items are left out on desks, within pedestals, or on cabinets overnight.
This includes cereal, nuts, fruit, crisps or tea and coffee.

Any food that is left out, must be in an airtight plastic container or tin, this also applies to protein powder that is left under desks.

Any food items found in the office that are not in an airtight container or tin, will be disposed of by the cleaning staff during the night clean.

In addition to this, can we ask that you not keep lots of boxes, plastic bags or shoes under your desk. This is to prevent any rodents from nesting in that area.

If everyone does their part in implementing these measures, we can ensure that this doesn’t become a major problem.

Many thanks for your co-operation.

Regards,

Facilities

Keeping a tin of protein powder under your desk? Is that a thing?

Think I’ve seen something similar in most London offices I’ve worked in. No notes sent around in my current office, but the tell-tale traps are in place behind vending machines etc

I caught a mouse once at the Citigroup office near Victoria Station (we were on the 5th floor) whilst my colleague stood on her desk screaming. Trapped it in a corner under her desk.

 

[Cian]

Keeping a tin of protein powder under your desk? Is that a thing?

Work anywhere with slightly insecure 20-35 year old men and you'll see it. Sales teams particularly from experience.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Received this morning:-

Dear Colleagues,
We have recently received a number of reports regarding the sighting of rodents in the office.
We are doing all we can to combat this problem, but we need your help;
Could you please ensure that no food items are left out on desks, within pedestals, or on cabinets overnight.
This includes cereal, nuts, fruit, crisps or tea and coffee.

Any food that is left out, must be in an airtight plastic container or tin, this also applies to protein powder that is left under desks.

Any food items found in the office that are not in an airtight container or tin, will be disposed of by the cleaning staff during the night clean.

In addition to this, can we ask that you not keep lots of boxes, plastic bags or shoes under your desk. This is to prevent any rodents from nesting in that area.

If everyone does their part in implementing these measures, we can ensure that this doesn’t become a major problem.

Many thanks for your co-operation.

Regards,

Facilities

Keeping a tin of protein powder under your desk? Is that a thing?

 

[scamander]

Work anywhere with slightly insecure 20-35 year old men and you'll see it. Sales teams particularly from experience.

Bit of a bugbear of mine, the idea of protein=grow bigger is highly simplistic. If you are at that stage in training where you think you need protein powder the chances are you don't. It's much the preserve of elite athletes, you can easily get the protein you need for training from a decent diet. A trainer I once knew phrased it well when he said it was simply a great way of making your piss more expensive.

Most of the people using it are happy to drink alcohol, sleep irregular (or too little) and don't drink enough water. These have far, far more of an impact on development than a creatine sandwich at 11am or a shake which everyone will see them drinking (or that they make sure folk do). Still there'll be off each evening in skinny jeans to the gym so they can work the biceps and take photos.

More worryingly high uptake of protein isn't good for you, there are already cases of chaps in their mid 20s with kidney problems from overdoing it. Still it's a massive market so don't expect anything to be done about it.

rant over.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I used to work in an office in London. It had see through cable trays alongside the desks where you could regularly see rats running along and sometines munching on the cables.

I never saw one laying into a protein shake though.

 

[Badger]

 

[TheJasperCo]

Ah so that's why I don't put up with any of this nonsense. I'm cast adrift of the main office at the other end of the corridor.

 

[BBassic]

We've hit cold season here. A number of people who really should be working from home insist on dragging themselves in and spreading their germs all over the place.

 

[black & white seagull]

Where I work has recently undergone some huge changes in the way it operates. Basically, introducing a brand-new system, plus making swingeing redundancies.

Last week, a colleague received a very stern email, because he was printing out schedules and pinning them to the wall, for quick and easy reference. He was told in no uncertain terms that he was to refer to these schedules in their electronic form only, and that to do otherwise was 'subverting the transformation process'.

 

[Cian]

The Prince of Darkness has returned. Time to get some desk lamps...

 

[Badger]

The work shy Israeli/Russian guy has been on top form this week. Take Monday as an example:

10:15 - Arrives in the office having had a dentist appointment. As usual he told us of this appointment when he was already there.
10:15-11:15 - On his personal phone in one of the meeting rooms. We have a catch up meeting at 10.30, he missed it of course.
12:30-13:30 - Lunch. No sign of making up for lost time.
15:00-16:00 - Another personal phone call.
16:30-16:45 - Another one.
17:10 - Goes home.

This is a regular occurrence. There's usually at least two days each week when I get in to see a message from him saying he'll be late in.

This morning - doctor's appointment. He sent us a message at 8.30. It's now 11.15 and there's still no sign of him.

 

[WhingForPresident]

Anyone else see the hilarious Thames Water bellcheesery with their 'Head of Wellness' on Sky News earlier?

 

[Lush]

I used to work in an office in London. It had see through cable trays alongside the desks where you could regularly see rats running along and sometines munching on the cables.

I never saw one laying into a protein shake though.

Dunno. That one in your avatar looks like he's being overdoing the anger batter.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

It’s taken ages for the Brits in the office to persuade the boss to buy a proper kettle to make tea – it’s just not the same from a microwave. Now all the Yanks have decided they can use it to brew their own exotic coffees – they already have a choice of eleven sodding types of coffee they can use in the regular coffee machine. So now when you fancy a cup of char or a Batchelors Cup-a-Soup you have to wait whilst someone is buggering about with a cafetiere of Panamanian Dark Roast. I can see another outbreak of tea wars shortly.

 

[Ⓩ-Ⓐ-Ⓜ-Ⓞ-Ⓡ-Ⓐ]

It’s taken ages for the Brits in the office to persuade the boss to buy a proper kettle to make tea – it’s just not the same from a microwave. Now all the Yanks have decided they can use it to brew their own exotic coffees – they already have a choice of eleven sodding types of coffee they can use in the regular coffee machine. So now when you fancy a cup of char or a Batchelors Cup-a-Soup you have to wait whilst someone is buggering about with a cafetiere of Panamanian Dark Roast. I can see another outbreak of tea wars shortly.

Do they call them "Electric Water Heaters"? That's what I've heard plenty of yanks refer to them as down here. On a side note, I just ended up buying my own kettle - way less hassle!