Bell Cheeses at work

[vegster]

We had on of those sessions where you put up on a flip chart the personality of other team members, I was amazed they put fiery for me so i told them to stuff it!!!

I once attended a group staff meeting with one of those young dynamic manager types... He had a flip chart up with a blank page on the front and he stood with pen in hand and said" I want you all to say individually what you want to get from this meeting ?" On reflection " free sandwiches " was probably not what he was looking for.

 

[Whitechapel]

I was going to come in here and start ranting about the new woman at work but I tried to think of where to start, realised I don’t even know how to get my despair across & gave up.

I’m now off to blow my own head off with a shotgun instead.

 

[The Optimist]

I was going to come in here and start ranting about the new woman at work but I tried to think of where to start, realised I don’t even know how to get my despair across & gave up.

I’m now off to blow my own head off with a shotgun instead.

Once you’ve collected your thoughts please do share. We need fresh bell cheeses to keep this thread going.

 

[Albion my Albion]

I was going to come in here and start ranting about the new woman at work but I tried to think of where to start, realised I don’t even know how to get my despair across & gave up.

I’m now off to blow my own head off with a shotgun instead.

Aim high. Don't miss your head. You might possibly only injure yourself and be very disappointed.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Because I work from home these days, the only bellcheese I meet in person is the cat, who insists on sitting between me and the keyboard so I cumt sir wjit i tiop.

Bellcheeses via email are another matter.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I once attended a group staff meeting with one of those young dynamic manager types... He had a flip chart up with a blank page on the front and he stood with pen in hand and said" I want you all to say individually what you want to get from this meeting ?" On reflection " free sandwiches " was probably not what he was looking for.

Looking back at the number of project “brainstorming” sessions over my career, I have never left a meeting where the conclusion of the meeting did not comprise:-
1. We want xyz to be of the highest quality.
2. We want xyz to be delivered at the lowest cost and
3. We want xyz to be delivered as quickly as possible.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

We have our company Xmas lunch at a nice hotel in London tomorrow which is a really nice and generous affair . However, “marketing” insist on a quiz, which from past events, comprise said marketing people sometimes sucking up to the senior directors with quiz questions regarding their careers. I’ll try and remember any good ones.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I was going to come in here and start ranting about the new woman at work but I tried to think of where to start, realised I don’t even know how to get my despair across & gave up.

I’m now off to blow my own head off with a shotgun instead.

Remember, the best way to finish a rant is to begin it! Fire away…..

 

[Eric the meek]

Remember, the best way to not need to rant in the first place, is to retire ! It works a treat.

Suddenly, nothing actually matters.

 

[Bodian]

We have our company Xmas lunch at a nice hotel in London tomorrow which is a really nice and generous affair . However, “marketing” insist on a quiz, which from past events, comprise said marketing people sometimes sucking up to the senior directors with quiz questions regarding their careers. I’ll try and remember any good ones.

Q1: How many bricks does it take to complete a house made of bricks?

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Q1: How many bricks does it take to complete a house made of bricks?

Cutting Mr Bodian, cutting!

What colour bricks, what size etc?!

 

[Bodian]

Cutting Mr Bodian, cutting!

What colour bricks, what size etc?!

The answer's the same whatever colour/size!

Anyway - can't be worse than the post-dinner Christmas quiz on 'all things Cumbria' we had around 7-8 years ago. It went on for about two pints worth of time, and afetr about half-way through no-one remained interested or involved - except for the two lads who were still in the 'sucking up to the boss' stages of their jobs. But it droned on. And on. And we were trapped.

Ever since then, whenever 'what shall we do for Christmas this year?' comes up on the agenda, there is an immediate, and resounding, chorus of 'NO QUIZ'.

 

[PeterOut]

Q1: How many bricks does it take to complete a house made of bricks?

One

 

[Iggle Piggle]

If I had the time, i'd knock up an NSC Bell cheese quiz. Seems like it would be popular judging by the replies

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

If I had the time, i'd knock up an NSC Bell cheese quiz. Seems like it would be popular judging by the replies

A quiz based on this thread?!

 

[Barham's tash]

My current boss who has already been mentioned in despatches here gets another entry for two reasons:

1. Trying to schedule a one hour meeting at 5pm on the day of the Christmas party on a subject only he cares about and that no one had done ANYTHING on since the previous week at less than two hours notice. I took an executive decision and told him to jog on and took my team off for a couple of pre-party pints instead.

2. In a second meeting where I brought up a high risk issue surrounding a simple but poorly executed process by our client facing staff and the knock on impact to the wider business if they kept ARSING it up he agreed with me on the severity of the situation, the decline in quality from the front office and applauded my control framework and MI to mitigate the risk. He then suggested a 'competition' where the biggest miscreant would be FORCED to buy everyone in the senior management team coffee as recompense for not doing their job properly.

He is oblivious to the fact that we all refer to him as Swiss Tony behind his back.

 

[happypig]

I've knocked work on the head but Mrs H still keeps her hand in :
This year one of the team suggested buying the bosses a gift to say thank you for being nice to them all year.

I'll leave the collective to guess her answer...

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

My current boss who has already been mentioned in despatches here gets another entry for two reasons:

1. Trying to schedule a one hour meeting at 5pm on the day of the Christmas party on a subject only he cares about and that no one had done ANYTHING on since the previous week at less than two hours notice. I took an executive decision and told him to jog on and took my team off for a couple of pre-party pints instead.

2. In a second meeting where I brought up a high risk issue surrounding a simple but poorly executed process by our client facing staff and the knock on impact to the wider business if they kept ARSING it up he agreed with me on the severity of the situation, the decline in quality from the front office and applauded my control framework and MI to mitigate the risk. He then suggested a 'competition' where the biggest miscreant would be FORCED to buy everyone in the senior management team coffee as recompense for not doing their job properly.

He is oblivious to the fact that we all refer to him as Swiss Tony behind his back.

“control framework and MI to mitigate the risk “……

Go and stand in the corner for 5 minutes and think about what you have just done

 

[BevBHA]

We got a new boss in August this year. He’s an absolute micromanaging helmet with 0 people skills. Everyone thinks he’s a tool. To put into context he’s had 2 grievances against him since August already.

Works Christmas do was a sit down meal out. Some brainiac decided secret Santa would be a good idea, it was never going to end well, as half my team wouldn’t know a sense of humour if it smacked them in the face.

I opened my gift, thanks god, someone got me something funny. A mug that says ‘don’t be a C U next Tuesday’ on it.

I’d had a few glasses of Champers so abit of courage in me, don’t think the new boss appreciated me standing up and saying ‘I think I’ve got your gift by mistake’

He left straight after the meal, barely saying bye and didn’t join us for a drink after. A win is a win!

 

[Brian Fantana]

“control framework and MI to mitigate the risk “……

Go and stand in the corner for 5 minutes and think about what you have just done

This.

Unwitting bellcheesery here unfortunately.