Bell Cheeses at work

[South Stand Bonfire]

This is sort of bell cheesey. A month ago our company (c70 people in total) decided to add a benefit in that everyone after 1 Jan, everyone can take an extra day off on their birthday. We are a non corporate organisation, so if anyone has a query they should just ask their supervisor. Apparently our MD received dozens of emails along the lines of:-

What if my birthday is at a weekend
What if my birthday is on a bank holiday
What if my birthday is on Feb 29th
What if I am on holiday on my birthday ( why take holiday on an extra day off )
What if a client insists on a meeting on my birthday
What if I don’t want to take a day off on my birthday

As he said in his closing Xmas address at our lunch during the week, he just wanted to do something nice and wish he hadn’t bothered from all the hassle it generated.

 

[schmunk]

2. In a second meeting where I brought up a high risk issue surrounding a simple but poorly executed process by our client facing staff and the knock on impact to the wider business if they kept ARSING it up he agreed with me on the severity of the situation, the decline in quality from the front office and applauded my control framework and MI to mitigate the risk. He then suggested a 'competition' where the biggest miscreant would be FORCED to buy everyone in the senior management team coffee as recompense for not doing their job properly.

Given how competitive and unwilling to publicly show weakness Bankers are, in my experience, unless this is a critical regulatory matter I think it would be a very successful way to increase compliance, compared to e.g. getting HR involved and doling out formal warnings.

 

[timbha]

This is sort of bell cheesey. A month ago our company (c70 people in total) decided to add a benefit in that everyone after 1 Jan, everyone can take an extra day off on their birthday. We are a non corporate organisation, so if anyone has a query they should just ask their supervisor. Apparently our MD received dozens of emails along the lines of:-

What if my birthday is at a weekend
What if my birthday is on a bank holiday
What if my birthday is on Feb 29th
What if I am on holiday on my birthday ( why take holiday on an extra day off )
What if a client insists on a meeting on my birthday
What if I don’t want to take a day off on my birthday

As he said in his closing Xmas address at our lunch during the week, he just wanted to do something nice and wish he hadn’t bothered from all the hassle it generated.

I bet you feel a bit embarrassed asking all those questions

 

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

What if my birthday is at a weekend
What if my birthday is on a bank holiday
What if my birthday is on Feb 29th
What if I am on holiday on my birthday ( why take holiday on an extra day off )
What if a client insists on a meeting on my birthday
What if I don’t want to take a day off on my birthday

Tough shit
Tough shit
Tough shit
Tough shit
Tell ‘em to f*** off
Tough shit



Sorted.

 

[Whitechapel]

Once you’ve collected your thoughts please do share. We need fresh bell cheeses to keep this thread going.

Remember, the best way to finish a rant is to begin it! Fire away…..

This might be a long one…

Right so to preface this, I work for a pretty small company. If you ignore the managing director then there’s one guy in the warehouse, three in the office (she brought it back up to three after someone left) and then I split my time between the two helping wherever I’m needed. So whilst I’m not always in the office with her, it’s a small enough company that annoyances are hard to avoid.


She’s only been here a couple of months, but she’s already managed to exhibit almost every annoying co-worker trope.

• She grazes. Constantly. There’s nothing quite as fun as having to sit across from someone and listen to them eat an entire bag of baby carrots or tomatoes or nuts or cucumbers etc in between big stinking main meals.
• She talks. Constantly. She must have a second mouth because whilst chomping through a rabbits annual diet every day she still manages to ramble inane shite without pause. She’ll mention the same thing numerous times with no reply. She’ll tell you who was on the phone after you’ve just spoke to them on the phone. It’s never ending. I didn’t care about your cars insurance the first time you mentioned it today. The fourth time won’t magically be interesting.
• She can not take the blame. She’s new, she’s going to make mistakes but her inability to just admit she made an error is insane. A few weeks ago she tried to pass the blame on to me when nobody had done anything wrong. I get wanting to make a good impression but it’s absurd. Which is made worse by…
• She constantly makes stupid mistakes. She worked in care before she worked here and it genuinely worries me that she was in charge of looking after people. Leaving parts of addresses off orders is the main one but there’s a multitude of small errors she’s making but because it’s never her fault she isn’t learning.

Now the last, and worst issue isn’t entirely her fault but the lad in the warehouse seems to have a crush on her and it’s made him weird. Really weird. I’ve always got on with him well enough but honestly they’re driving me to drink between them.

He’ll make any excuse to head in to the office now and just linger around. He’s started reversing out of the office door when he goes back to the warehouse so… he can look at her for longer I guess? He’s started doing wrestling moves to the cardboard when he puts it in the recycling bin. When he speaks to her in front of other people it’s like listening to a 14 year old flirt, which would be fine if he wasn’t in his mid 30s (she’s 20/21 so there’s that too).

Him being weird would be bad enough but as he’s the only other person there who loves inane boring small talk she’s latched on to him and we’re not sure if it’s because there’s the worlds most annoying workplace romance brewing or if she just wants someone to talk to but she’s now vanishing off to speak to him multiple times a day.

She clearly texts/zooms him before she goes to make a coffee or goes to the toilet so the can meet for a chat by the kitchen/bathroom. I’ve overheard some of the chats and honestly half the time it’s about hair dye or what vegetables work best in the microwave. It’s just drivel.

It all came to boiling point this week though. The MD was out of the office for most of the day on Wednesday and the office manager had to go home due to family reasons. That left 4 of us at work and she took full advantage of the bosses not being there. No work done before 9:30 as she was having a chat followed by breakfast. Vanished for a chat for 20 minutes at 9:50. Vanished again at 10:10. At 12 she just said she was going to go help the bloke in the warehouse which she knows would have been rejected if the managers were there and f*cked off for an hour. I could maybe tolerate that because I wanted an easy day too but when the MD got back towards the end of the day she rushed back to the office to look busy, whacked an order through on the system when she should know it was too late, which f***ed up the payments I’d taken for the day and got me shouted at by the accountant because the figures were wrong.

I wrote most of this out on Wednesday evening, on Thursday the office manager was back (who’s sick and tired of her already too) and asked how it went. Me and the other bloke explained (she’d made mistakes on something he’d asked her to do too) and he basically told us that she’d had our pants down a bit and we should have put our foot down which is true. He said we should pull her to one side at some point that day and explain that we both got shouted at by him for how she’d acted the day before.

Anyway, the other guy had what he describes as a “quiet, polite word” with her and 5 minutes later she said she felt sick and hadn’t been back since which is probably for best because my word with her would have neither been quiet nor polite.

Oh and as a little bonus situation, she didn’t come to our Christmas work drinks. However me and the warehouse bloke got speaking to two random lads who knew the girl and told us she’s got an OnlyFans. Warehouse bloke went home shortly after (heartbroken or going for a wank? Who knows!). So now every time she f*cks me off I have to resist the urge to tell her she should stick to selling photos of her fanny instead. Which isn’t really fair on me.


God it feels good to get that off my chest.

 

[HillBarnTillIDie]

This might be a long one…

Right so to preface this, I work for a pretty small company. If you ignore the managing director then there’s one guy in the warehouse, three in the office (she brought it back up to three after someone left) and then I split my time between the two helping wherever I’m needed. So whilst I’m not always in the office with her, it’s a small enough company that annoyances are hard to avoid.


She’s only been here a couple of months, but she’s already managed to exhibit almost every annoying co-worker trope.

• She grazes. Constantly. There’s nothing quite as fun as having to sit across from someone and listen to them eat an entire bag of baby carrots or tomatoes or nuts or cucumbers etc in between big stinking main meals.
• She talks. Constantly. She must have a second mouth because whilst chomping through a rabbits annual diet every day she still manages to ramble inane shite without pause. She’ll mention the same thing numerous times with no reply. She’ll tell you who was on the phone after you’ve just spoke to them on the phone. It’s never ending. I didn’t care about your cars insurance the first time you mentioned it today. The fourth time won’t magically be interesting.
• She can not take the blame. She’s new, she’s going to make mistakes but her inability to just admit she made an error is insane. A few weeks ago she tried to pass the blame on to me when nobody had done anything wrong. I get wanting to make a good impression but it’s absurd. Which is made worse by…
• She constantly makes stupid mistakes. She worked in care before she worked here and it genuinely worries me that she was in charge of looking after people. Leaving parts of addresses off orders is the main one but there’s a multitude of small errors she’s making but because it’s never her fault she isn’t learning.

Now the last, and worst issue isn’t entirely her fault but the lad in the warehouse seems to have a crush on her and it’s made him weird. Really weird. I’ve always got on with him well enough but honestly they’re driving me to drink between them.

He’ll make any excuse to head in to the office now and just linger around. He’s started reversing out of the office door when he goes back to the warehouse so… he can look at her for longer I guess? He’s started doing wrestling moves to the cardboard when he puts it in the recycling bin. When he speaks to her in front of other people it’s like listening to a 14 year old flirt, which would be fine if he wasn’t in his mid 30s (she’s 20/21 so there’s that too).

Him being weird would be bad enough but as he’s the only other person there who loves inane boring small talk she’s latched on to him and we’re not sure if it’s because there’s the worlds most annoying workplace romance brewing or if she just wants someone to talk to but she’s now vanishing off to speak to him multiple times a day.

She clearly texts/zooms him before she goes to make a coffee or goes to the toilet so the can meet for a chat by the kitchen/bathroom. I’ve overheard some of the chats and honestly half the time it’s about hair dye or what vegetables work best in the microwave. It’s just drivel.

It all came to boiling point this week though. The MD was out of the office for most of the day on Wednesday and the office manager had to go home due to family reasons. That left 4 of us at work and she took full advantage of the bosses not being there. No work done before 9:30 as she was having a chat followed by breakfast. Vanished for a chat for 20 minutes at 9:50. Vanished again at 10:10. At 12 she just said she was going to go help the bloke in the warehouse which she knows would have been rejected if the managers were there and f*cked off for an hour. I could maybe tolerate that because I wanted an easy day too but when the MD got back towards the end of the day she rushed back to the office to look busy, whacked an order through on the system when she should know it was too late, which f***ed up the payments I’d taken for the day and got me shouted at by the accountant because the figures were wrong.

I wrote most of this out on Wednesday evening, on Thursday the office manager was back (who’s sick and tired of her already too) and asked how it went. Me and the other bloke explained (she’d made mistakes on something he’d asked her to do too) and he basically told us that she’d had our pants down a bit and we should have put our foot down which is true. He said we should pull her to one side at some point that day and explain that we both got shouted at by him for how she’d acted the day before.

Anyway, the other guy had what he describes as a “quiet, polite word” with her and 5 minutes later she said she felt sick and hadn’t been back since which is probably for best because my word with her would have neither been quiet nor polite.

Oh and as a little bonus situation, she didn’t come to our Christmas work drinks. However me and the warehouse bloke got speaking to two random lads who knew the girl and told us she’s got an OnlyFans. Warehouse bloke went home shortly after (heartbroken or going for a wank? Who knows!). So now every time she f*cks me off I have to resist the urge to tell her she should stick to selling photos of her fanny instead. Which isn’t really fair on me.


God it feels good to get that off my chest.

Out of curiosity ….. what is the best vegetable to microwave?

 

[Whitechapel]

Out of curiosity ….. what is the best vegetable to microwave?

I think they were erring towards peas.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Tough shit
Tough shit
Tough shit
Tough shit
Tell ‘em to f*** off
Tough shit



Sorted.

Is the right answer

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

This might be a long one…

Right so to preface this, I work for a pretty small company. If you ignore the managing director then there’s one guy in the warehouse, three in the office (she brought it back up to three after someone left) and then I split my time between the two helping wherever I’m needed. So whilst I’m not always in the office with her, it’s a small enough company that annoyances are hard to avoid.


She’s only been here a couple of months, but she’s already managed to exhibit almost every annoying co-worker trope.

• She grazes. Constantly. There’s nothing quite as fun as having to sit across from someone and listen to them eat an entire bag of baby carrots or tomatoes or nuts or cucumbers etc in between big stinking main meals.
• She talks. Constantly. She must have a second mouth because whilst chomping through a rabbits annual diet every day she still manages to ramble inane shite without pause. She’ll mention the same thing numerous times with no reply. She’ll tell you who was on the phone after you’ve just spoke to them on the phone. It’s never ending. I didn’t care about your cars insurance the first time you mentioned it today. The fourth time won’t magically be interesting.
• She can not take the blame. She’s new, she’s going to make mistakes but her inability to just admit she made an error is insane. A few weeks ago she tried to pass the blame on to me when nobody had done anything wrong. I get wanting to make a good impression but it’s absurd. Which is made worse by…
• She constantly makes stupid mistakes. She worked in care before she worked here and it genuinely worries me that she was in charge of looking after people. Leaving parts of addresses off orders is the main one but there’s a multitude of small errors she’s making but because it’s never her fault she isn’t learning.

Now the last, and worst issue isn’t entirely her fault but the lad in the warehouse seems to have a crush on her and it’s made him weird. Really weird. I’ve always got on with him well enough but honestly they’re driving me to drink between them.

He’ll make any excuse to head in to the office now and just linger around. He’s started reversing out of the office door when he goes back to the warehouse so… he can look at her for longer I guess? He’s started doing wrestling moves to the cardboard when he puts it in the recycling bin. When he speaks to her in front of other people it’s like listening to a 14 year old flirt, which would be fine if he wasn’t in his mid 30s (she’s 20/21 so there’s that too).

Him being weird would be bad enough but as he’s the only other person there who loves inane boring small talk she’s latched on to him and we’re not sure if it’s because there’s the worlds most annoying workplace romance brewing or if she just wants someone to talk to but she’s now vanishing off to speak to him multiple times a day.

She clearly texts/zooms him before she goes to make a coffee or goes to the toilet so the can meet for a chat by the kitchen/bathroom. I’ve overheard some of the chats and honestly half the time it’s about hair dye or what vegetables work best in the microwave. It’s just drivel.

It all came to boiling point this week though. The MD was out of the office for most of the day on Wednesday and the office manager had to go home due to family reasons. That left 4 of us at work and she took full advantage of the bosses not being there. No work done before 9:30 as she was having a chat followed by breakfast. Vanished for a chat for 20 minutes at 9:50. Vanished again at 10:10. At 12 she just said she was going to go help the bloke in the warehouse which she knows would have been rejected if the managers were there and f*cked off for an hour. I could maybe tolerate that because I wanted an easy day too but when the MD got back towards the end of the day she rushed back to the office to look busy, whacked an order through on the system when she should know it was too late, which f***ed up the payments I’d taken for the day and got me shouted at by the accountant because the figures were wrong.

I wrote most of this out on Wednesday evening, on Thursday the office manager was back (who’s sick and tired of her already too) and asked how it went. Me and the other bloke explained (she’d made mistakes on something he’d asked her to do too) and he basically told us that she’d had our pants down a bit and we should have put our foot down which is true. He said we should pull her to one side at some point that day and explain that we both got shouted at by him for how she’d acted the day before.

Anyway, the other guy had what he describes as a “quiet, polite word” with her and 5 minutes later she said she felt sick and hadn’t been back since which is probably for best because my word with her would have neither been quiet nor polite.

Oh and as a little bonus situation, she didn’t come to our Christmas work drinks. However me and the warehouse bloke got speaking to two random lads who knew the girl and told us she’s got an OnlyFans. Warehouse bloke went home shortly after (heartbroken or going for a wank? Who knows!). So now every time she f*cks me off I have to resist the urge to tell her she should stick to selling photos of her fanny instead. Which isn’t really fair on me.


God it feels good to get that off my chest.

Is she still in her probationary period? If so, it’s not too late to diplomatically suggest she moves on.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

This might be a long one…

Right so to preface this, I work for a pretty small company. If you ignore the managing director then there’s one guy in the warehouse, three in the office (she brought it back up to three after someone left) and then I split my time between the two helping wherever I’m needed. So whilst I’m not always in the office with her, it’s a small enough company that annoyances are hard to avoid.


She’s only been here a couple of months, but she’s already managed to exhibit almost every annoying co-worker trope.

• She grazes. Constantly. There’s nothing quite as fun as having to sit across from someone and listen to them eat an entire bag of baby carrots or tomatoes or nuts or cucumbers etc in between big stinking main meals.
• She talks. Constantly. She must have a second mouth because whilst chomping through a rabbits annual diet every day she still manages to ramble inane shite without pause. She’ll mention the same thing numerous times with no reply. She’ll tell you who was on the phone after you’ve just spoke to them on the phone. It’s never ending. I didn’t care about your cars insurance the first time you mentioned it today. The fourth time won’t magically be interesting.
• She can not take the blame. She’s new, she’s going to make mistakes but her inability to just admit she made an error is insane. A few weeks ago she tried to pass the blame on to me when nobody had done anything wrong. I get wanting to make a good impression but it’s absurd. Which is made worse by…
• She constantly makes stupid mistakes. She worked in care before she worked here and it genuinely worries me that she was in charge of looking after people. Leaving parts of addresses off orders is the main one but there’s a multitude of small errors she’s making but because it’s never her fault she isn’t learning.

Now the last, and worst issue isn’t entirely her fault but the lad in the warehouse seems to have a crush on her and it’s made him weird. Really weird. I’ve always got on with him well enough but honestly they’re driving me to drink between them.

He’ll make any excuse to head in to the office now and just linger around. He’s started reversing out of the office door when he goes back to the warehouse so… he can look at her for longer I guess? He’s started doing wrestling moves to the cardboard when he puts it in the recycling bin. When he speaks to her in front of other people it’s like listening to a 14 year old flirt, which would be fine if he wasn’t in his mid 30s (she’s 20/21 so there’s that too).

Him being weird would be bad enough but as he’s the only other person there who loves inane boring small talk she’s latched on to him and we’re not sure if it’s because there’s the worlds most annoying workplace romance brewing or if she just wants someone to talk to but she’s now vanishing off to speak to him multiple times a day.

She clearly texts/zooms him before she goes to make a coffee or goes to the toilet so the can meet for a chat by the kitchen/bathroom. I’ve overheard some of the chats and honestly half the time it’s about hair dye or what vegetables work best in the microwave. It’s just drivel.

It all came to boiling point this week though. The MD was out of the office for most of the day on Wednesday and the office manager had to go home due to family reasons. That left 4 of us at work and she took full advantage of the bosses not being there. No work done before 9:30 as she was having a chat followed by breakfast. Vanished for a chat for 20 minutes at 9:50. Vanished again at 10:10. At 12 she just said she was going to go help the bloke in the warehouse which she knows would have been rejected if the managers were there and f*cked off for an hour. I could maybe tolerate that because I wanted an easy day too but when the MD got back towards the end of the day she rushed back to the office to look busy, whacked an order through on the system when she should know it was too late, which f***ed up the payments I’d taken for the day and got me shouted at by the accountant because the figures were wrong.

I wrote most of this out on Wednesday evening, on Thursday the office manager was back (who’s sick and tired of her already too) and asked how it went. Me and the other bloke explained (she’d made mistakes on something he’d asked her to do too) and he basically told us that she’d had our pants down a bit and we should have put our foot down which is true. He said we should pull her to one side at some point that day and explain that we both got shouted at by him for how she’d acted the day before.

Anyway, the other guy had what he describes as a “quiet, polite word” with her and 5 minutes later she said she felt sick and hadn’t been back since which is probably for best because my word with her would have neither been quiet nor polite.

Oh and as a little bonus situation, she didn’t come to our Christmas work drinks. However me and the warehouse bloke got speaking to two random lads who knew the girl and told us she’s got an OnlyFans. Warehouse bloke went home shortly after (heartbroken or going for a wank? Who knows!). So now every time she f*cks me off I have to resist the urge to tell her she should stick to selling photos of her fanny instead. Which isn’t really fair on me.


God it feels good to get that off my chest.

But apart from that, fine?

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

We got a new boss in August this year. He’s an absolute micromanaging helmet with 0 people skills. Everyone thinks he’s a tool. To put into context he’s had 2 grievances against him since August already.

Works Christmas do was a sit down meal out. Some brainiac decided secret Santa would be a good idea, it was never going to end well, as half my team wouldn’t know a sense of humour if it smacked them in the face.

I opened my gift, thanks god, someone got me something funny. A mug that says ‘don’t be a C U next Tuesday’ on it.

I’d had a few glasses of Champers so abit of courage in me, don’t think the new boss appreciated me standing up and saying ‘I think I’ve got your gift by mistake’

He left straight after the meal, barely saying bye and didn’t join us for a drink after. A win is a win!

A previous boss of mine was a genuinely lovely bloke but not a great manager and his self organisation and timekeeping was appalling. We often had to apologise for his lateness or non-appearance at meetings and probably covered for longer than we should have because he was a nice bloke.

One of my mates drew the boss in the secret Santa and while we had a strict low limit on the cost of gifts to keep it fun, he went over budget and bought the boss one of the old fashioned alarm clocks with the two bells on the top but didn’t tell anyone before the presents were handed out. Needless to say, the rest of the team p!ssed themselves laughing when the boss opened the present and to be fair, he took it in good humour.

 

[Whitechapel]

But apart from that, fine?

No, actually. I didn’t even mention that she offen talks to me in a voice that is clearly her “talking to an OAP who has just shat themselves because they’re senile” voice which really winds me up too.

Still more I could say too.

 

[The Optimist]

No, actually. I didn’t even mention that she offen talks to me in a voice that is clearly her “talking to an OAP who has just shat themselves because they’re senile” voice which really winds me up too.

Still more I could say too.

Put on a speaking to a small child voice in reply.