Bell Cheeses at work

[Badger]

Surely that is just a diet as she is fat so a lifestyle change ?

Ergo why sponsor someone who should not be fat anyway

I would add in one of our other offices an extremely fat woman had her desk moved nearer to the toilets as she got out of breath walking there from her other desk

FFS burn less calories, why not ?

That's a tremendous effort. I bet they came and did some kind of bullshit workplace assessment for her, concluding that it was against her HUMAN RIGHTS to have to walk so far to take a dump.

I'm putting money on her new desk also being nearer the KITCHEN.

 

[Brian Fantana]

That's a tremendous effort. I bet they came and did some kind of bullshit workplace assessment for her, concluding that it was against her HUMAN RIGHTS to have to walk so far to take a dump.

I'm putting money on her new desk also being nearer the KITCHEN.

I bet she’s got a special chair too, which she spends most of the day adjusting and the remaining part tippexing her name on the back of it.


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[Brother Sid]

Anyone already been ordered or co-opted into the dreaded 'Secret Santa' fiasco ? Been told to buy something for £10 any ideas?

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Anyone already been ordered or co-opted into the dreaded 'Secret Santa' fiasco ? Been told to buy something for £10 any ideas?

A pad of paper, some pens, and "f@ck off" written on every sheet.

 

[Brian Fantana]

A pad of paper, some pens, and "f@ck off" written on every sheet.

This.


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[Badger]

Anyone already been ordered or co-opted into the dreaded 'Secret Santa' fiasco ? Been told to buy something for £10 any ideas?

One of these

 

[dazzer6666]

Anyone already been ordered or co-opted into the dreaded 'Secret Santa' fiasco ? Been told to buy something for £10 any ideas?

Well I was involved in an investigation a while back after the boss of the team opened his Secret Santa present only to find a mug with a photo of him on it, with ‘I am a c***’ beautifully written below. ‘Santa’ was quickly uncovered, and equally quickly fired.

I know it's been a THING for many years, but I'm starting to get seriously annoyed with all of the inane fundraising that goes on in our office. I got into an argument with a colleague the other day because I was refusing to sponsor one of the ladies in the office who was going to be giving up biscuits, cakes and chocolate for a WHOLE MONTH.

I'm not chucking any money at Fat Mandy from Accounts for having the gargantuan strength to not wolf down an entire tube of Jaffa Cakes every 30 seconds. Mental.

Reminds me of this.......

https://youtu.be/rMfZyFzCsp0

On the wider sponsorship thing, one word. Movember. No, I am not fecking paying you for not being arsed to bother shaving.

 

[Brian Fantana]

Well I was involved in an investigation a while back after the boss of the team opened his Secret Santa present only to find a mug with a photo of him on it, with ‘I am a c***’ beautifully written below. ‘Santa’ was quickly uncovered, and equally quickly fired.




Reminds me of this.......

https://youtu.be/rMfZyFzCsp0

On the wider sponsorship thing, one word. Movember. No, I am not fecking paying you for not being arsed to bother shaving.

Dry January being another irritating one.


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[Cheshire Cat]

How on earth can anyone organise an office Christmas lunch for 4th December? Its nowhere near Christmas.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Anyone already been ordered or co-opted into the dreaded 'Secret Santa' fiasco ? Been told to buy something for £10 any ideas?

I've been fortunate with secret santa. I drew a mucky cow and bought her 'Cock Trumps' a few years back. Seemed to go down well. Last year I bought my mate the viz mug with 'I work with a right bunch of twats' on it. Pride of place on his desk.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Surely that is just a diet as she is fat so a lifestyle change ?

Ergo why sponsor someone who should not be fat anyway

I would add in one of our other offices an extremely fat woman had her desk moved nearer to the toilets as she got out of breath walking there from her other desk

FFS burn less calories, why not ?

That's not a very nice thing to say. Especially as you work at home.

 

[Beach Hut]

That's not a very nice thing to say. Especially as you work at home.

How very dare you, I have to go to London twice next week

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

If I could ONLY shar the bizarre exchangs with my HoD today, but sadly I can't leave any content-rich internet trail here or it may prejudice the court case later. Suffice to say, the shortfall in insight, command of the English language, ability to proofread, ability to grasp a basic idea of record keeping and communication, and the basic ability to not be a gold plated ubercuntwomble is so beyond some people it is a mystery, a ****ing mystery, that they can get any job of any description, and how they become elevated to HoD in a top six UK university is a testament to the depth of stupidtitty of the utter braindead zombies who decided it would be a cracking idea to appoint said person to a position of responsibility. Arnold J Rimmer would score better on every metric. I metaphorically blow out my precious and lovely brains.

 

[GreersElbow]

Whilst I feel your pain .....................

"Risk Management Strategy"

I mean really .

Dodgy ground on this thread

Job spec describes it.

My thoughts exactly. He's not covered himself in glory there.

Also "I run day to day liquidity requirements"

Missed out a key sentence in that as I was typing on my iPhone but okay.

I just assumed he was the teaboy.

You were late to the joke.

 

[RandyWanger]

A new employee types so loud. It's really winding me up. I want to go over and strangle him with the keyboard cable.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

A new employee types so loud. It's really winding me up. I want to go over and strangle him with the keyboard cable.

Your keyboards have cables?

 

[RandyWanger]

Your keyboards have cables?

PS2 ones too. We're on Windows 7 and Office 2007. Recently migrated from Lotus Notes, so things are looking up...

 

[BNthree]

Your keyboards have cables?

As I work in IT support I say all office keyboards should be wired. Keyboards/mice losing connections/running out of batteries are just too annoying for words.

 

[Guinness Boy]

The sodding Christmas Trees are up on our floor. BOTH of them.


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[happypig]

The sodding Christmas Trees are up on our floor. BOTH of them.


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I'm willing to bet some middle-aged, chubby shirker spent all day doing them. That used to happen when I worked in an office. Because we "hot-desk", the whole office would be decorated with the exception of the 6 desks for the 24 hour team which remained steadfastly bare all year. Someone did once put some decorations on them but one of the night shift put them in the bin.