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Nick Hancock's joke on They Think It's All Over springs to mind. "Mr Coulthard has asked us to point out that the H in his surname is silent. What a thosser."

Or to give him his full name, Bob Keig-Shevlin-Booker.

Weird how it's relatively easy to BIFF Dennis Lillee and Garry Sobers all over the place, yet getting John Emburey off the square is quite a challenge!

We haven't had a Stick Cricket league for ages, and I've just discovered you can now make up your own teams. So I've set up a league. It's called THE NORTH STAND CHAT LEAGUE (league id 161125) and the password is binfest12 Join up!

This is what I would do.

I think it involves turning it off and turning it on again.

Got 33/1 on Bet365. Cheers for the tip!

LV County Championship - Division One County P W L D Bat Bowl Deduct Pts Nottinghamshire 7 3 2 2 21 20 0.00 91.00 Lancashire 7 2 1 4 15 19 0.00 78.00 Durham 6 3 2 1 13 18 0.00 77.00 Yorkshire...

Is that the lovely curly-haired one -- the one who left suddenly? Possibly the nicest and most helpful press officer that most journalists have ever dealt with? Hmm.

Lewry STRIKES 16/2. Bring the spinners on to get Freddie out next.

Is the £17 interest the annual payment, or the monthly payment? If it's the monthly payment then I shall shortly be switching my savings account...

Hopefully Mushy can take 8-16 and twizzle them out for 80 under the clouds. Or something.

England down to FIFTEENTH FIFA.com - The FIFA/Coca-Cola World Ranking

Southampton would probably give him a game. Esp if he says he's Adebayor's cousin or whatever.

Overheard in the deckchairs at Hove, shortly after he got out today

While we're on the subject, some rugby league action 62XSX_w8aQk (It's Hull Kingston Rovers, in red, against Queensland from 1983. Listen to the bloke shouting "Beautiful!" over and over)

I thought it was GREAT: we could concentrate on some exceptionally FLAIR performances without WANKING over the next/last ENGLAND game. I would be quite happy if England were excluded from ALL major tournaments, to make it more ENJOYABLE in future.

The opening sequence of EMMERDALE can be replicated by scrolling your eyes quickly up a tray of BROCCOLI.

The one you can hire from HSS is the FO SHIZZLE.