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Given that we're three hours ahead here, and my son woke up at 6.30am, I think the fact I've been monitoring NSC since 03.30 GMT is particularly sad.

After much thought, i've decided it's probably not Brian Clough.

Any caroll? Away in a manager? Vordemann?

I sit next to a Wolves fan at work, and they seem to be flashing the cash too, having sold a couple of players. I'd add them to the names already mentioned

Why sign anyone? Surely with Zaha (The World's First Billion Pound Player), they could field a line-up of 0-0-0-1 and still cruise this league?

No. Never. In fact I was quite surprised that the entire summer passed without a single NSC thread on potential signings.

Bexhill on Sea Observer. Not exactly Woodward and Bernstein. I did get to file a match report where Little Common Albion won 4-1. Still remember the scoreline nearly 30 years on.

Done. 70%. Go MP.

But they could still cash in a cool £107bn by selling Zaha, couldn't they?

If it's true, then it's probably packaged together as loads of instalments: x if he plays so many games, x if he moves on again, x if he becomes a full international, x if he flies to the moon etc. I'd bet that the actual cash-in-hand-now element is probably only a fraction of £1.5m. But it's...

Has no-one realized that 'Michael Owen' is an anagram of 'a lion chew me'?

You were intimate in the pool? Oh well, I guess a few tadpoles makes a difference from the usual clouds of children's wee etc.

But we've been in the top flight before. 'Premier League' is just a brand name, doesn't mean our time in the old First Division "doesn't count".

Is this a test match or what? Are we going to even try to hit a boundary?

What a huge disappointment. We're not even close to contending.

Styris or bust indeed. Unless we start now, this is all over.

It's not the quickest route if it involves driving dangerously because you feel aggrieved to be "stuck behind cyclists" though, is it. Save five minutes. Or save a life.

But surely no-one would dare attack a team that, in Zaha, has the world's first billion pound player in it?

Another vote for Ashley Neale and Mark Farrington.

He couldn't even think about playing. Though I think he's a ****ing amazing player, I don't think I've ever come across a footballer who has such an issue with the mental/physical aspect of injury.