jokes that are so bad they're good

[Acker79]

Did you hear about the hypochondriac who went to a champagne party ?
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It's taken me 20mins to work that out. I used to be known for terrible jokes at school, and to struggle with these is making me feel ashamed.

 

[Titanic]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

 

[Titanic]

What's a Wok?

Something you throw at a Wabbit.

 

[wallington seagull]

Police are investigating a dead man found in Pizza Hut this morning, they think he might have topped himself

 

[Titanic]

Why was the dolphin sad?

He had no porpoise in his life.

 

[Acker79]

Where do you keep your armies?

In your sleevies!




Where do you find hippies?

At the top of your leggies!




Two fish in a tank, one says to the other: "How do you drive this thing?"

 

[jmsc]

Does aural sex give you hearing aids?

 

[siclean]

whats blue and fucks grannies ?? hypothermia !!!

 

[Spun Cuppa]

From my niece, from the age of about 7 to, er, last week...(she's now 18...)

'What did one traffic light say to the other traffic light?'

'Don't look, I'm changing...'

 

[Gonzo]

Why did the Monkey get lost?

cos the jungle is massive!

 

[Lokki 7]

whats blue and fucks grannies ?? hypothermia !!!

What's blue and fucks children?
Me in my lucky blue suit!

 

[pasty]

Q. What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your grandads pyjamas.
A. Grandma

Q. What's green and smells of pork
A. Kermits finger

 

[Spun Cuppa]

What's the difference between a lorry load of sand and a lorry load of babies?

You can't unload a lorry load of sand with a pitchfork...

 

[The Large One]

What time does Sean Connery turn up at Wimbledon?

Tennish.

 

[gjh1971]

Today I was chopping carrots with the Grim Reaper - talk about dicing with death!

 

[Slade's Head Polisher]

Two kids were caught by police for stealing, one had a case load of batteries and the other had fireworks
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one was charged and the other was let off!

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Two men walk into a bar and cant decide what to drink, one finally makes his mind up and says, "I'll have a glass of H2o please"
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his mate turns to the barman and says, "Yes, I'll have a glass of H2o too please!"

this one might need explaining

 

[Jahooli]

Hydrogen peroxide?

Why did the Avon lady blush?

Because Max Factor.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?



Poker face.

 

[Slade's Head Polisher]

Hydrogen peroxide?

is the right answer

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Two monkeys in the bath, one says "oooh oooh ahh ahh ahh".


The other one says "Well put some fuckin' cold in then!"