Help with divorce

[Yorkie]

Exactly Lush. I kept the house for 18 mths until my daughter left college after her A levels.
I then had to put the house on the market and got 50% of the proceeds.

 

[Lush]

There is a term they use but I cant remember what it is, but it still boils down to who was guilty for the breakdown of the marriage.

I think it's "no fault". But basically a person could have slept with the entire Brighton first team and it would not affect what they were entitled to in court. Legal costs would go through the roof if you had to argue about whether someone was no longer deserving of cash/house etc because of "what they'd done." tempting though it is to pay them back in some way.

 

[sully]

I don't think it's going to be so easy for my partner though as his ex is not quite to easygoing.

You really are the master of understatement!

 

[British Bulldog]

I have no wish to go into too much detail about my year and a half of divorce court hell at this point however I will say that the courts main concern is not "who gets the house" but the children. THEY need a house to live in, THEY need money to help bring them up.

When you raise kids you are still contributing massively towards the marriage (as anyone who's had to pay nursery costs will know). Everything in the marriage at divorce is therefore split equally BUT if there's not enough money to buy two homes big enough for the kids, then whoever the main carer is usually stays in the family home to look after them and is paid maintenance to do so. But they don't own it outright or have the right to stay there once the kids have left home.

The exact situation I was left in with my house and I did'nt have a problem with that because the kids need a roof over their heads, The maintenance side of thigs is another rip off commonly known as the CSA.

 

[Lush]

You show me a woman that was forced to get married and have kids and i'll show you a woman who is then entitled to half the blokes pension!

You show me a man who made 100% sure that he wasn't landed with kids and I'll show you a man who's entitled to keep it!

However that's irrelevant. Even if there are no kids and YOU DECIDE AS A MARRIED COUPLE that you will work and she'll spend all day in the nail salon, that's the choice you've made. You've earned that money as a married couple and she is entitled to half.

 

[Lush]

The exact situation I was left in with my house and I did'nt have a problem with that because the kids need a roof over their heads, The maintenance side of thigs is another rip off commonly known as the CSA.

But how is she going to support herself (as main carer) and the kids otherwise? She could get a part-time job but don't forget that while you've been out working, getting more work experienced and are presumably reasonably employable, because you BOTH made the decision that she should stay at home and look after the kids she has no recent career history, the skills she had are out of date and she is probably almost unemployable except really basic under-paid part-time stuff.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

The maintenance side of thigs is another rip off commonly known as the CSA.

Dead f***ing right there Bulldog old boy. Dead f***ing right.

Otherwise known as ****s.

What a f***ing SHIT rule that I HAVE TO PAY for the PLEASURE of my ex wife having an affair with some twattwattwattwat who had a part time job and no money.

She made her choice she should have to f***ing deal with it. Now she has a new fella who I actually quite like and she is marrying (therefore becoming my kids step dad) he has a decent job etc AND I STILL HAVE TO f***ing PAY.

Im not saying I dont want to pay SOMETHING towards my kids BUT IT SHOULD BE UP TO ME WHAT I PAY NOT WHAT THE CSA THINK IT SHOULD BE. I NEED TO f***ing LIVE AS WELL.


She got the house, the car EVERYTHING. I had a PC, a bag of clothes and had to live at my parents for awhile and still pay her the privelege of f***ing everything up.

 

[Yorkie]

The exact situation I was left in with my house and I did'nt have a problem with that because the kids need a roof over their heads, The maintenance side of thigs is another rip off commonly known as the CSA.

One of my mates decided how much he would give his wife for their kids when she left him.
She decided it wasn't enough and went to the CSA. I bet she wished she hadn't because their decision came to half of what he was giving her. He came out of that better off.

 

[British Bulldog]

But how is she going to support herself (as main carer) and the kids otherwise? She could get a part-time job but don't forget that while you've been out working, getting more work experienced and are presumably reasonably employable, because you BOTH made the decision that she should stay at home and look after the kids she has no recent career history, the skills she had are out of date and she is probably almost unemployable except really basic under-paid part-time stuff.

And all a woman has to do is work 16 hours a week and she can claim all sorts of benefits, I had no objection to paying maintenance but the ammount the CSA decided I had to pay was criminal.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

And all a woman has to do is work 16 hours a week and she can claim all sorts of benefits, I had no objection to paying maintenance but the ammount the CSA decided I had to pay was criminal.

Yep absolutely with my ex working 16 hours a week, plus my CSA payments plus her benefits she was about £300 a month better off than me

 

[British Bulldog]

I NEED TO f***ing LIVE AS WELL.

Not according to the CSA you dont.

 

[Yorkie]

Yep absolutely with my ex working 16 hours a week, plus my CSA payments plus her benefits she was about £300 a month better off than me

How many kids was she using that £300 for?

 

[British Bulldog]

One of my mates decided how much he would give his wife for their kids when she left him.
She decided it wasn't enough and went to the CSA. I bet she wished she hadn't because their decision came to half of what he was giving her. He came out of that better off.

You seem to know some very rare cases then Yorkie.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Not according to the CSA you dont.

Thats true. Now dont get me wrong I agree with the PRINCIPLE & there are absent fathers out there who deserve to be chased and for the sake of equality mothers as well.

But my point is when someone DELIBERATELY sets out to do what she did then there should be some sort of caveat to say

Sorry love you f***ed up big style by choosing this. You got the house you got everything else NOW f*** OFF.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

How many kids was she using that £300 for?

Two yorkie.

 

[Yorkie]

Two yorkie.

So she has £150 more for each child per month for shoes, clothes, school stuff etc etc. It's not much really is it?

 

[Yorkie]

But my point is when someone DELIBERATELY sets out to do what she did then there should be some sort of caveat to say

I felt the same way. It wasn't my fault I grew old and he wanted someone younger. But the courts don't look at it that way.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

So she has £150 more for each child per month for shoes, clothes, school stuff etc etc. It's not much really is it?

No I said she is £300 a month better off than me because she is doing minimal hrs and her benefits stack up added to my CSA payments.

Plus she got the house and everything. AND SHE HAD THE AFFAIR. Dont forget that.

If you net it down its more like £300 a month for each child.

 

[Lush]

Thats true. Now dont get me wrong I agree with the PRINCIPLE & there are absent fathers out there who deserve to be chased and for the sake of equality mothers as well.

But my point is when someone DELIBERATELY sets out to do what she did then there should be some sort of caveat to say

Sorry love you f***ed up big style by choosing this. You got the house you got everything else NOW f*** OFF.

Ok so she did a BAD thing. And it hurts that she's got more money than you going into her bank account at the end of each month, but you were EQUAL partners AND she's looking now after herself AND the kids. It's good that she's at least got a job so she can contribute something herself to bringing them up.

It works the other way too. If a husband runs off with a younger model and there are no kids the wife isn't entitled to more than half because he did it DELIBERATELY

 

[British Bulldog]

Thats true. Now dont get me wrong I agree with the PRINCIPLE & there are absent fathers out there who deserve to be chased and for the sake of equality mothers as well.

Maintenance is something that should be paid by every father and I dont have a problem with that, but the way the CSA were going about it when I was assessed was unfair. Even the ex could'nt believe how much they were taking off me.