Help with divorce

[British Bulldog]

the reason why they dont take the 'FACTS' into account is because its never the kids fault THEIR parents split up. so why should THEY suffer anymore than THEY already do, with the split of their parents.

If the courts are so concerned about the kids then why is it so hard for a bloke to get decent access to his own kids if the woman decides she does'nt want it?

 

[graz126]

depends on the situation.
but the courts know how unsettling it can be for the kids being caught up between 2 battling parents.

 

[NMH]

No I agree with you. Why should someone go through an act of union legally and religiousluy if they want to...after all, marriage has only been going on for what 5000 odd years if you believe that Abraham took a wife, or the Pharoes, or Buddah, or Mohammed...therefore you must be right...marriage is shit and all thos ein that institution must be mad.

nice one

Abraham told his best mate Lakzaresh that he wished he'd never done it though, and advised Lakzy not to ever do it as he'd be better off staying single.
That bit got missed out. The Pharoahs also kept concubines, so if the misses EVER stepped out of line, he could nip into a the place across the courtyard for a massive MFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF orgy, followed by a MFF, a FMF, watch an FFFF for inspiration, and then dive in to make it an FFMFF. Them Pharoahs were the LADS!

 

[British Bulldog]

depends on the situation.
but the courts know how unsettling it can be for the kids being caught up between 2 battling parents.

And do the courts realise how unsettling it can also be for kids not being allowed to see their own dad on a regular basis as well?

It's all very well women wanting to make sure they are ok financially when a marriage goes tits up ( and that seems to be their main concern ) but they are never quite so keen on the bloke getting decent regular access to his own kids! In fact a hell of a lot of women will go as far as denying access to the bloke as some sort of weapon against them. There's a lot of women who will go around slagging a bloke for leaving her with the kids while he's out having a good time, But when the bloke ask's to have the kids for the weekend she'll say no!

 

[graz126]

in the long term yes thats what they try to protect them from. not saying that is in your case though. sorry not being personal. but my wife ex husband should have been stopped from having regular contact with his kids years ago. but now he is moving to canada it should not be too much of a problem anymore.

 

[Yorkie]

And do the courts realise how unsettling it can also be for kids not being allowed to see their own dad on a regular basis as well?

It's all very well women wanting to make sure they are ok financially when a marriage goes tits up ( and that seems to be their main concern ) but they are never quite so keen on the bloke getting decent regular access to his own kids! In fact a hell of a lot of women will go as far as denying access to the bloke as some sort of weapon against them. There's a lot of women who will go around slagging a bloke for leaving her with the kids while he's out having a good time, But when the bloke ask's to have the kids for the weekend she'll say no!

If that happens you need to make notes of every occasion. It might sound petty but if you have evidence then you can get the court to review the situation.

 

[graz126]

If that happens you need to make notes of every occasion. It might sound petty but if you have evidence then you can get the court to review the situation.

very good advise i would say.

 

[British Bulldog]

in the long term yes thats what they try to protect them from.

Protect them from what? seeing their own dad? Thats ok if the dad is abusing his kids or something but not when you've got a decent loving dad who just wants to spend quality time with his own kids and the kids want to do the same with him. The courts are making judgments on the welfare of kids who in majority of cases they have never even met and that is wrong.

At one point during my divorce my ex tried to restrict my access to 4 hours a month because she thought it would be better for the kids, The kids thought different.

 

[Yorkie]

I forgot to say that the law says it isn't the father's right to see his kids but the kids have a right to see their father. If the mother is denying them that right then she is in the wrong.

 

[Bozza]

Again, maybe I'm lucky to be the exception rather than the rule in this regard but I see my daughter whenever I want to which, of course, I do as often as possible.

Neither my wife nor I need anyone to tell us that it is good for my daughter to have 2 loving parents who spend as much time with her as possible and still quite often both at the same time.

 

[British Bulldog]

I forgot to say that the law says it isn't the father's right to see his kids but the kids have a right to see their father. If the mother is denying them that right then she is in the wrong.

The problem is Yorkie there is so much of it that goes on but nothing gets done to change the law on it, I appreciate a bloke cant just decide when he is going to have access to his kids as and when he likes but reasonable access is something that should not be denied to a dad.

 

[Yorkie]

The problem is Yorkie there is so much of it that goes on but nothing gets done to change the law on it, I appreciate a bloke cant just decide when he is going to have access to his kids as and when he likes but reasonable access is something that should not be denied to a dad.

That's why I advised you to make notes every time an arrangement is changed or you are denied access.

 

[Yorkie]

I've been through this situation 3 times in my life:-
1 - as a child of 8 my father got access to me when my parent's divorced.
2 - when my ex committed adultery.
3- my son has just divorced my ex daughter in law.

Unfortunately, I know a lot about it all.

 

[graz126]

Protect them from what? seeing their own dad? Thats ok if the dad is abusing his kids or something but not when you've got a decent loving dad who just wants to spend quality time with his own kids and the kids want to do the same with him. The courts are making judgments on the welfare of kids who in majority of cases they have never even met and that is wrong.

At one point during my divorce my ex tried to restrict my access to 4 hours a month because she thought it would be better for the kids, The kids thought different.

as i said this isnt personal to you with the sound of it. but the problem in a lot of cases is protecting the kids from the mental stress of the split up. as in my wifes case her ex was always slagging her off (after it was he that had the 6 month affair with a thai prostitute). and then making stupid comment to the children about why he should drink himself to death etc, etc. at the same time he was saying things like 'your mother is just trying to take you kids away from me. it is now him that is moving to canada!! after he had very good access to the kids all along. he also tried for extra access and the courts said no as he gets plenty as it is. that being every other weekend and tuesday night every week. and also thursday night every other week. not actually overnight during the week but from school until 8pm.
also other things such as constantly slagging me aswell. for silly things such as i must be gay because i have not got a tattoo. and me and your mum are spending all the money on designer clothes and beer etc. (i wish i could afford to). i used to have designer clothes until i met my wife. and supported the family now i cannot afford them.
it does sound like you are being harshly treated though. that is why i said it seemed very good advice by yorkie.
the only time we took access away from him was for 3 weeks because he refused to get rid of the rifle that was kept under his bed with the ammunition for it. after he had let his then 5 year old son shoot it. as soon as that was taken away the access resumed.

 

[British Bulldog]

That's why I advised you to make notes every time an arrangement is changed or you are denied access.

Thats just what I done at the time as well as keeping reciepts for everything I spent on the kids, But in the end it never made the slightest difference to the courts or the CSA. In the end the kids just took it upon themselves to come and visit me anyway. As I said in a previous post it does'nt metter now that i'm living back in the maritial home, but I have a great deal of sympathy for any bloke who is going through what I went through because the system is so wrong.


If a womans point of view on divorce is that they should be entitled to 50% of the home, bank accounts, pensions etc, plus a large wedge of maintenance payments each month then why cant a bloke be entitled to somewhere approaching 50% access to his own kids?

 

[Lush]

Again, maybe I'm lucky to be the exception rather than the rule in this regard but I see my daughter whenever I want to which, of course, I do as often as possible.

Neither my wife nor I need anyone to tell us that it is good for my daughter to have 2 loving parents who spend as much time with her as possible and still quite often both at the same time.

That's the ideal of course but I'm guessing that another relationship wasn't the catalyst of the split, just that you felt your marriage wasn't working. When one party moves on to be with someone else that's what it makes it hard to be reasonable. Unfortunately it's the kids who suffer most.

 

[sully]

Again, maybe I'm lucky to be the exception rather than the rule in this regard but I see my daughter whenever I want to which, of course, I do as often as possible.

Neither my wife nor I need anyone to tell us that it is good for my daughter to have 2 loving parents who spend as much time with her as possible and still quite often both at the same time.

It all seems great if there was nobody else involved at the time of the split (not sure if that's the case with you, Bozza). It was when I started another relationship that things got nasty.

 

[sully]

What's the benchmark here? Over a third of my monthly take-home money goes to my wife and daughter.

You're paying more than the CSA would take by quite a margin.

From their website:

Non-resident parents with a net weekly income of more than £200 a week will pay a basic rate. This is a percentage of the non-resident parent's net weekly income, which is weekly income (usually earnings) after tax, National Insurance and contributions to a pension have been taken off. Tax credits and occupational pensions can also count towards weekly income. The percentage of the net weekly income is set out in legislation. It is

15 per cent if there is one qualifying child;
20 per cent for two qualifying children; and
25 per cent for three or more qualifying children.



Rest of the information is here:
http://www.csa.gov.uk/new/calculate/#S01

 

[Lush]

If a womans point of view on divorce is that they should be entitled to 50% of the home, bank accounts, pensions etc, plus a large wedge of maintenance payments each month then why cant a bloke be entitled to somewhere approaching 50% access to his own kids?

Do you both have an adequate home for the kids to live in half the time? If so you probably have a case - but how would you do it? Alternate weeks with you and your wife? Three days with you one week, four days the next? Every evening? It can be tough for kids to be constantly moving around. Do you have enough holiday entitlement to be able to have them half the school holidays?

 

[graz126]

It all seems great if there was nobody else involved at the time of the split (not sure if that's the case with you, Bozza). It was when I started another relationship that things got nasty.

that was when my wifes problem started when she met me. eventhough the ex had already remarried.