Chatting up a bird

[Richard Whiteley]

Failing that, keep cracking off.


The worst thing you can do is be yourself. Be someone interesting. Someone interested. Wear a goatee. A flashy watch. Waterproof, preferably. One that tells the time in India, Africa and the Arctic. Tell her you've been abroad. A coach journey. You were sick, but it didn't matter. You slept it off. Woke up in the Alps. Everyone else had died. Mr Lewis (science) had etched 'you are the only hope, Kev' into the ice. You didn't know what to do, so you went home and played computer. Tell her you like robots. Ones that fire matchsticks like toy Batman cars. Robots with lights and voices like people with disabled throats or those caned by cancers that burp to speak. Robots with ovens for stomachs. Put your curry in and heat it up. Good robot. Don't tell her everything though. Save her some mystery. Save her some lies. Save her from yourself.
Then, when she's hooked, disappoint her. Let it all out like a fat stomach. Cry. Weep. Dribble snot from your nose. She'll forgive you. They always do.

there you go again....YOU!!!!!!!!!

 

[turienzo's lovechild]

i'm still laughing at the idea of kev in a library


seriously kev, don't use ANY chat up lines, just talk to her like you would anyone else

 

[Robot Chicken]

This thread needs some insight from the one and only CASANOVA Mr Danny Seagull.

Ask her for her email addy, it's less personal than a number.

Try reading this:

 

[Basil Fawlty]

i'm still laughing at the idea of kev in a library


seriously kev, don't use ANY chat up lines, just talk to her like you would anyone else

We all had to go in to the library, and look at books for the difinition of Sport.

 

[Bakesy]

Well i'm slightly dissapointed, i don't think i will be able to get a bird at this rate.

Have you tried MonkeyWorld?

 

[Robot Chicken]

Try the Internet, I've had good success in meeting up with birds from the net.

 

[Richard Whiteley]

We all had to go in to the library, and look at books for the difinition of Sport.

f*** me that IS funny

 

[Kent Seagull]

Stick with the ugly birds, they're always grateful, will do anything for you and won't ever run off with someone else! You're never safe with a stunner, some other bastard is always trying to get in their knickers. FACT

 

[Theatre of Trees]

We all had to go in to the library, and look at books for the difinition of Sport.

Ignored the dictionary section I see.

 

[Biscuit]

Kev.

Just use for fine chisled good looks and cracking sense of humour.. you can't fail!

 

[SussexSpur]

Get your knob out, put it in her hand, and cry.

Obvious innit.

 

[dougdeep]

Sound interested, even if you're not. Be polite and generous too. Make an effort to dress nicely and always smell good. Oh, and don't pick the best looking girl, pick the nicest.

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

Try this line:

"what has 300 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?





...my flies"

 

[fatboy]

Slap her with your penis - that works for me

Me too!

 

[enigma]

Try the Internet, I've had good success in meeting up with birds from the net.

Really? I'm not being funny, but is it not embarassing? I suppose it's not really that different to being set up with someone but justs sounds embarassing to me, but I'm not dead against the idea.

 

[Mr C]

Kev, you could try by not calling them "birds"!!!

 

[Northstander]

Cofidence, they love it!!

Walk up up to her and just say "I'm gonna do you tonight!"

It works....

*probably*

 

[Yorkie]

Cofidence, they love it!!

Walk up up to her and just say "I'm gonna do you tonight!"

It works....

*probably*

Which is why you were asking advice on how to chat up the bridesmaids at a wedding you went to recently

 

[Northstander]

 

[magoo]

Basically, she would have probably given you her number if she'd fancied you. So there you go. Move on.