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Alistair Darling is Kirsty Young's guest on Desert Island Discs this Sunday. BBC bosses say they've had to cut the programme short, because he's lost two of them

Pugh Pugh Barney McGrew Cuthbert (c) Dibble Grubb

1-0. Final score.

Bozza will change it for you if you ask.

Nogan shagged my housemate's friend when I lived in Preston and he played for them. This is SUBSTANTIATED TRUFAX.

The Tories have appointed several "shadow ministers" for places where, frankly, they need to win seats to stand any chance of getting into government. Alan Duncan is the "shadow minister for Tyneside". Can't remember the others, though. There is a Government Minster for the South East, Jonathan...

I think you'll find they're on the other side.

Good on you for trying to defend honest to goodness members of the public transport community from the loathsome oiks of the County Palatine. I remember when I lived in Preston and went for a night out in Liverpool, catching the last, slow, two-carriage train home at about 11.05. A MASSIVE...

Increase interest rates, or estate agents' charges?

There's a van hire firm in Tyneside run, one assumes, by the Gough family. It's called Van Gough.

I am a BBC journo nowadays, and I sometimes make minor spelling mistakes when working under pressure. I don't think I'm "bloody thick" I apologise on behalf of the Director-General, Alan Titchmarsh, Sophie Raworth, and the Blue Peter cat. Will this latest SCANDAL become known as Harrogategate?

Not so. Orange have actually admitted the problem is with their servers, not my line. They don't know how to fix it, and say the earliest I'm likely to get broadband back from them is Christmas. They say it's affecting "hundreds" of their customers. They're utterly, utterly useless.

I haven't been on here in yonks because those complete SLICES at Orange Broadband have not been able to connect me for nearly a month. I'll be leaving them on Saturday, when they will be in BREACH of contract and I can get my MAC code I'm not an especially heavy user, and I've got my own...

Chuggers? I say to them either: "Yeah sure, I'll sign up -- as long as you sign something to say you'll waive your commission" or "Sorry mate, I'm a bit too much of a cun t"

I can't BELIEVE that any MAN pays £35 for a haircut. Mine's a tenner, from the redoubtable Spurs-supporting Turkish geezer who runs Classix, Churchfield Road, London W3.

I had a brie and goosberry sandwich at work last night: a new experience. It was yum. My favourite sandwich place used to do doughnuts as well: It was called Eat @ Doughnuts and was in Carlisle with a few other branches around the north. From their website, it looks like they've changed their...

Wembley Central will get you a train to Euston that takes about half an hour. Change at Willesden Junction for Clapham Junction.

No -- it really does mean "FENCE". The jury, or the coroner on his/her own, are perfectly entitled to say that they haven't a clue how the deceased died, or that it's not very clear. Sympathetic coroners also often record open verdicts in cases of apparent suicide where life insurance, wills...

Bit of a swot, really. And I was deputy head boy of Varndean. Had a rubbish first few years (not many friends etc) but things got better in years 10 and 11. Was good at music and languages, pretty average at most other things, rubbish at art.

IVA Richards c & b K Greenfield 22 is still one of my favourite wickets of all time. Anyone else remember the occasion? And he played for St Peter's CC as a boy (like me, and Chapmans the Saviour) to boot.