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He'd never have joined us. He only joined Blackpool because of their lurid kit, and with his failing eyesight he needs all the help he can get recognising his teammates.

Wow, nice to see that I caught someone in my little mind game. Personally I thought that most of you lot would see right through the tongue in cheek deliverance of it all, but judging by the fact that you're all shocked that I had a row about Virgil, perhaps I misjudged you. And can someone...

Who on earth said anything about the wheels falling off? I'm only on here laughing at all of you prophets who said that we were vastly your inferiors. You've had a cracking start to this season, as have we, but I can't see either of us getting promoted this year. Oh, and the fact that you got...

Unfortunately not. It seems that you have one guy who's up for a bit of banter, and has now resorted to having a go at me for not going out on a Saturday night and picking up birds. The fact is, I'm not talking about Palace here. I'm just here to ask where all of you who said we...

Let me explain. I compared myself to Virgil as I used an extended simile, something that he was renowned for. Obviously it was slightly tongue in cheek, but having studied Virgil at GCSE and A level, and in Latin, I think that I should know a thing or two about how he writes. BUt let's not...

I digress, but can someone just clarify for certain what a 'Nigel' is? And none of this bullshit about 'look in the mirror', I genuinely want to know. Because to me, it seems like it's just a middle class person. Oh, and just because I think that my simile about the Eagle contained...

I'm not gonna give a link, as the HOL in particular (I don't frequent the BBS) is swarming with you lot. As for the rest, if we're gonna delve in to all that nonsense, I could just call you gay and talk about sodomy. But I like to think that I have higher morals than that...

Wow, you must be one of a small minority of fans who haven't bombarded the HOL and BBS with your smugness. I only came on here to get away from it all.

Personally, I thought that was Virgilian levels of diction. I mean, I didn't just come on and call you gay, I used an extended simile for Christ's sake. What more do you want, a f***ing poem?

Well, apart from the eleven boys in red and blue if our home form's anything to go by. It's also quite funny you having a go at us singing a St Pauli song. 'Sussex by the SEA the SEA the SEA!' Gets me every time, that one.

Wow, you got me on a typo. I bet you feel really proud of yourself. See, it's this sort of banter which I just can't compete with...

Maybe your players don't like playing at the AMEX? Scraping a win against a piss poor Donny team, then being pegged back by that OAP Phillips? Just a thought...

Haha, look at you lot getting your knickers in a collective twist! Yeah yeah, well done, your still ahead of us by a massive one point in the league, but that won't last too long. I'm not making any excuses for the Boro game, we were useless, but since then we have been anything but. But...

Umm, to all of you who were spouting on about you being such a bigger club than us, well, umm, what's gone wrong? Losing your lead to a 70 year old striker, attendances already dwindling, whilst we go from strength to strength, playing great football, our young players in starring roles, and...

It wasn't the fact that we beat Coventry that was pleasing, but that we played incredibly good football, and for the life of me I won't understand how we didn't win more comfortably. Up front, we now have more game changers, most of whom are from our youth team, that we will cause problems for...

For whoever said that Palace and Brighton aren't rivals, perhaps the fact that there is a waiting list for Palace fans to travel on a September night in Tuesday 52 miles to watch a game of football, and the fact that Brighton will invariably bring 4-5000 down to Selhurst, should make you think...

What did I do, spell something wrong? Oh, I'm so sorry.

And every Pikey jokes made by you are tedious, insipid and infelcitious, but it doesn't stop you, does it?

To be fair, she was unbelievably fit.

I like what you did there. Except my mum's dead, so I take it slightly offensively. Anywhom, on the subject of why 'Dick's' is more appropriate for gays, in homosexual activity, not ONE dick is used, but TWO! Shocking I know, and add that to the fact your bar is called Dick's, albeit the...