[Humour] Smart arse jokes

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Scotsman, Irishman, Welshman and Frenchman in a bar. Normally, in these circumstances there would be an Englishman, but he is still in Japan....

 

[Barrow Boy]

I walked out of my job at the Helium factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

 

[Albion_Dave]

Velcro. What a rip off.

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

My mate died after falling into a vat of fabric conditioner. At least he died in Comfort.

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

My other mate died after falling into a tank full of coffee. He didn't suffer - it was instant.

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

My Dad died after falling into a vat of beer. Strange, because he got out three times to go to the toilet.....!

 

[highflyer]

I decided to instal a high voltage electric fence around my garden.
My neigbours are dead against it.

 

[Hornblower]

Q:How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:The fish

Barcelona:0 Surreal Madrid:Fish

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Why do Medieval protective buildings in strategic positions do best at the Countdown numbers game?

It's the fort that counts.

 

[Palacefinder General]

They recently set up a university for hippopotami. While most students will study on satellite sites, the neurology students will study on the main hippocampus.

 

[Brovion]

3 Database SQL queries walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.

Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.

 

[Brok]

3 Database SQL queries walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.

 

[zefarelly]

Whats difference between a bad sniper and a constipated owl?

One shoots and fails to hit, the other hoots and fails to ****

I know that one as bad marksman . . .one shoots but never hits.


Difference between a seagull and a baby . . .. One flits across the shores.

Difference between a sausage dog and a street vendor . . . .one balls out his wares


What do you call a dog with steel nuts and no back legs. Sparky!

 

[Dorset Seagull]

The wife said does my bum look big in this dress
I said whatever I say you will be angry with me
She said no I wont
Ok I said I ****ed your sister

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

What's the difference between a cross-country run and Fanny Craddock (one for the over 60s here)

One is a pant in the country.....

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

What's the difference between Harry Wilson's Tackle and Walt Disney?

Harry Wilson's Tackle likes listening to Darkwave and Dreampop music.

 

[zefarelly]

What's the difference between a cross-country run and Fanny Craddock (one for the over 60s here)

One is a pant in the country.....

Proper jokes . . .and I'm still in my 40's!

 

[Dorset Seagull]

[SUB][/SUB]

What's the difference between a cross-country run and Fanny Craddock (one for the over 60s here)

One is a pant in the country.....

Ah time for make sure your donuts turn out like Fanny’s and not Johnny’s

 

[Dorset Seagull]

What's the difference between Harry Wilson's Tackle and Walt Disney?

Harry Wilson's Tackle likes listening to Darkwave and Dreampop music.

Scottish joke

What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney.

Bing sings and Walt Disney

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Sadly, the week before my friend died they put lard on his back. He went downhill quickly after that.