[Humour] Smart arse jokes

[Questions]

And a young attractive angle?


yes, of course: acute angle

My wife had acute angina when I met her.......

3 kids later though.

 

[Hampden Park]

My wife had acute angina when I met her.......

3 kids later though.

Why dangle?

 

[brakespear]

Werner Heisenberg is driving furiously through the back streets of Berlin: he's waved down by a cop.
"Do you know how fast you're driving?", he says. "No," says Heisenberg,"but I know where I am."

 

[Questions]

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol



Yes, yes I am disappointed with that post

You’re so much better than that Tom.

 

[Jack Straw]

Joan Collins was woken up in her hospital bed after having had a labia reduction operation. On her bedside table was the biggest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen. She said to doctor, "Who are these from?" The doctor replied, "They're from Simon Weston, to thank you for his new ears."

 

[autopsyturvey]

"Sometimes the power of a homophone can come out of nowhere and hit you like a truck," articulated Laurie.

Sent from my ONEPLUS A5010 using Tapatalk

 

[Wrong-Direction]

Why did the curry die?

It had a dodgy tikka.

Sent from my SM-A600FN using Tapatalk

 

[The Wookiee]

I had a dream last night that I had eaten a giant marshmallow!!

When I woke up, my pillow had gone !

 

[Coldeanseagull]

I have a step ladder in the shed.
My real ladder left when I was five

 

[sir_gullahad]

"I finally managed to identify those trees!" opined Holly

 

[Saltydog]

Heard the one about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

 

[OzMike]

Marmite, but dad won't.

 

[OzMike]

Two pieces of black tarmac were drinking in a bar.
A pink piece walked in and everyone looked uncomfortable or hid.
'Watch him' the barman said, 'he's a cyclepath'.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

 

[The Optimist]

Why shouldn’t you mix alcohol and calculus?

It’s not safe to drink and derive.

 

[knocky1]

Since the demise of C&A, my wife is always getting her knickers in a twist. She misses the C*** and A*** label instructions.

 

[Grassman]

Two monkeys in a bath. One says: “ooh, ooh, ah, ah”, the other one says: “if it’s too hot, put some cold in”.

 

[driller]

What’s the difference between arrogance and apathy?

I do not know and I do not care

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

What do you call someone who used to like tractors, but doesn't like them anymore?

An ex-tractor-fan

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Two snowmen stood side by side and one asks the other: "Can you smell carrots?"