[Humour] Smart arse jokes

[Razzoo]

Shakespeare walks into a tavern, the landlord quickly notifies him " I am not serving you, you're bard".

 

[LANGDON SEAGULL]

I sang a duet in a Japanese bar with the actress who played Princess Leia

Karaoke?

Yes she’s fine thanks


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[Frutos]

I sang a duet in a Japanese bar with the actress who played Princess Leia

Karaoke?

Yes she’s fine thanks

I don't think she is.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the bartender says. The Roman replies, "Slow down! I'll let you know when I want more."

A Roman walks in to a bar and flicks a V sign at the bartender - five beers please.

 

[hart's shirt]

There’s a new band called 1023 MB.

They haven’t had any gigs yet.

 

[B-right-on]

When I was a kid, I was so bright my dad called me sun.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

A masochist is someone who likes hurting himself (or herself), so doesn't.

 

[Questions]

A masochist is someone who likes hurting himself (or herself), so doesn't.

‘Hurt me, hurt me’, said the masochist......

‘No’, said the sadist.

 

[KZNSeagull]

I am reading a book about Helium. I can't put it down.

 

[lawros left foot]

I used to be a coprophiliac, but it’s really sh1t.

I’m into necrophilia, bestiality, and flagellation.
Am I flogging a dead horse?

 

[Tiptoe through the NSC]

A Higgs boson particle walks into a church. The vicar says, "We don't allow your sort in here, because calling yourself the God particle is blasphemy". The particle replies "If you exclude me, how will you have mass?"

 

[Questions]

We can widen it to German jokes if you are getting bored...

‘ My dog has no nose’

‘ How does he smell then’ ?

Well he uses part of his chemosensory system. Basically his olfactory sensory neurons, which are found in a small patch of tissue high inside the nose. These cells connect directly to the brain.

 

[Jack Straw]

Sorry thicko here...please explain.

I had to Google it. It's a music key joke. Quite good really.

 

[autopsyturvey]

What makes me such an ardent ornithologist?

Sheer Billoddiemindedness, that's what!



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[McTavish]

Q:How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:The fish

 

[catfish]

Picasso's house was burgled but luckily he caught sight of the culprit and drew a sketch for the police.

They later arrested two horses and a sardine.

 

[Bodian]

What was Salvador Dali's favourite drink?

Coca-cola, because it surreal thing.

 

[SuperFurrySeagull]

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?


Too Mennonite.

 

[studio150]

I said to the taxi driver - King Arthur's Close
The taxi driver replied - Don't worry we're lose him at the next set of lights

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Hedgehogs! Selfish ********. Why don’t they just share?