Another Scottish joke;
What do you do if you find a trumpet growing in your garden?
Root it oot.
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[Humour] Smart arse jokes
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Another Scottish joke;
What do you do if you find a trumpet growing in your garden?
Root it oot.
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,178
Son: Dad I’ve got a part in the school play
Dad: what role?
Son: a man who’s been married 25 years
Dad: never mind - hopefully you’ll get a speaking role next time
(Apologies - this one has been on here before but it still makes me laugh - when my wife’s not in earshot of course)
Dad: what role?
Son: a man who’s been married 25 years
Dad: never mind - hopefully you’ll get a speaking role next time
(Apologies - this one has been on here before but it still makes me laugh - when my wife’s not in earshot of course)
AmexRuislip
Retired Spy 🕵️♂️
I managed to contact the spirit of our window cleaner who died recently. I used a Squeegee board."
“What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”
“A Prince...”
“...That’s not very scary.”
“...Andrew”"
“What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”
“A Prince...”
“...That’s not very scary.”
“...Andrew”"
Ken Livingstone Seagull
Well-known member
What's green and lives in a field?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Ken Livingstone Seagull
Well-known member
Duck walks into a bar.
"Got any grapes?" Barman says no and duck leaves.
Next day the duck comes back, same thing.
Next day the duck comes in, "Got any grapes?"
Barman by now is annoyed. "Come back again and ask for grapes and I'll nail your feet to the floor."
Next day the duck walks in and asks the barman, "Got any nails?"
Barman replies, "No."
"Got any grapes?"
"Got any grapes?" Barman says no and duck leaves.
Next day the duck comes back, same thing.
Next day the duck comes in, "Got any grapes?"
Barman by now is annoyed. "Come back again and ask for grapes and I'll nail your feet to the floor."
Next day the duck walks in and asks the barman, "Got any nails?"
Barman replies, "No."
"Got any grapes?"
Dorset Seagull
Once Dolphin, Now Seagull
What wheels?
schmunk
Why oh why oh why?
Ken Livingstone Seagull
Well-known member
Excellent spot. And that's why I never post "jokes"
Let me try that again.
What's green, lives in a field, and has wheels?
.
.
.
Grass, I lied about the wheels. (These wheels, Dorset).
It's something when one can ruin a perfectly decent, corny, vintage elephant joke even before you get to the punch-line. FFS.
Baldseagull
Well-known member
What is the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath?
One has a soul full of hope, .......
B-right-on
Living the dream
Two nuns sharing a bath, one says to the other “where’s the soap”. The other one says “yes, doesn’t it”
Probably works better when spoken rather than written due to the spelling
Had to say it out loud twice but I got there in the end.
And that's why I never post "jokes"
Let me try that again.
What's green, lives in a field, and has wheels?
.
.
.
Grass, I lied about the wheels. (These wheels, Dorset).
It's something when one can ruin a perfectly decent, corny, vintage elephant joke even before you get to the punch-line. FFS.
Morning, squire.
Love that
Had to say it out loud twice but I got there in the end.
Bernard Righton had another one of those jokes, I believe. Two nuns were riding bikes down a cobbled road. One said: “do you come this way often?”, the other replied: “no I don’t, there’s a diversion on the usual road I take.”.
Not as good as this: “There’s a black fella, a Pakistani and a Jew in a nightclub. What a fine example of racial harmony.”
“How many Pakistanis can you get in a mini? Four adults and possibly one small child.”
Dorset Seagull
Once Dolphin, Now Seagull
I think technically it gave the joke that air of mystery meaning the reader had to work that little bit harder to extract the humour. Marvellous work
And that's why I never post "jokes"
Let me try that again.
What's green, lives in a field, and has wheels?
.
.
.
Grass, I lied about the wheels. (These wheels, Dorset).
It's something when one can ruin a perfectly decent, corny, vintage elephant joke even before you get to the punch-line. FFS.
Dorset Seagull
Once Dolphin, Now Seagull
Two pregnant nuns sitting on a park bench. One says to the other “Is it really 9 months since Benedictus?”
Falmer Flutter ©
Well-known member
My dad always told me to fight fire with fire. Probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.