Smacking

[Starry]

OK NIBBLE, lets have the debate, tell me, how would you discipline your child ?

I agree with Nibble, I am probably not about to say anything in public to someone but I do pull family and friends up on things that happen in my home.

We do not smack, never have and never will. My children have been raised in a home where we use consequences. You do not eat your dinner, fine you are hungry all night. You do not put your clothes in the laundry basket, fine you will not have clean clothes and have to wear your old stuff. You break a window, you take the money from your savings to pay for it. You don't tidy up your toys, fine I assume they are going in the bin and round them up. You kick your sister under the dinner table, you are asked to leave the table until you want to behave. You tell a lie, we talk about why/what/how the reasons behind that. You answer back, we talk about the how/why/what that led to it. My children have choices, time outs, consequences, positive reinforcement.

 

[Nibble]

I supose at the end of the day no-one like having their flaws as a parent pointed out to them.

 

[Nibble]

I find Bozza and the other guy hilarious. You get yourself involved in a debate and then when someone offers an opposing view and is adamant about it you stop debating and start calling names and being sarcastic, trying to catch people out rather than actually debating. And you wonder why I referred to you as a fool.

 

[Bozza]

And Bozza, it is clear you are only getting involved because of our argument the other day

You seem to think many things are clear but then struggle to substantiate them.

You are wrong I'm afraid, I'm getting involved as I find it somewhat hypocritical of you to bring up name-calling when my one experience of you on this board is that you do exactly the same thing. And I can provide a URL to prove that if you like...

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Nibble... actually it DOES matter whether you've got parental experience or not because you can't understand what it's like to be in the situation when a parent 'cracks' and there seems no way out. Before we had my daughter I was 100% against hitting a child and I was known to get quite agresssive with parents that did (also coming from a background where I once hid under my bed to hide from my stepfather's wrath). Since then I have learnt that something symbolic is needed... and I mean symbolic. My daughter gets a mild pat on the hand and a a serious look and she understands... she doesn't get hurt... but until I did the 'pat' she never cottoned on. So.... since then I've realised how easy it is to stand on a pedestal and castigate others when I've never been down in the mud myself.

 

[Nibble]

You seem to think many things are clear but then struggle to substantiate them.

You are wrong I'm afraid, I'm getting involved as I find it somewhat hypocritical of you to bring up name-calling when my one experience of you on this board is that you do exactly the same thing. And I can provide a URL to prove that if you like...

If you want to do tha that is fine Bozza. It will only get us further away from th epoint but then I don't think youwant a debate do you. You want an argument.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

I supose at the end of the day no-one like having their flaws as a parent pointed out to them.

Don't get sanctimonious. We are all flawed. I suspect when you think of smacking - you think of a good whack designed to hurt, and other people may be seeing it a sharp move of the hand on a protected part of the childs body.

As an example - we have never smacked our children - but talking about it one day they said they did get smacked. S'life.

 

[Nibble]

Nibble... actually it DOES matter whether you've got parental experience or not because you can't understand what it's like to be in the situation when a parent 'cracks' and there seems no way out. Before we had my daughter I was 100% against hitting a child and I was known to get quite agresssive with parents that did (also coming from a background where I once hid under my bed to hide from my stepfather's wrath). Since then I have learnt that something symbolic is needed... and I mean symbolic. My daughter gets a mild pat on the hand and a a serious look and she understands... she doesn't get hurt... but until I did the 'pat' she never cottoned on. So.... since then I've realised how easy it is to stand on a pedestal and castigate others when I've never been down in the mud myself.

Just because you resort to hitting a child it doesn't mean we all will.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

I agree with Nibble, I am probably not about to say anything in public to someone but I do pull family and friends up on things that happen in my home.

We do not smack, never have and never will. My children have been raised in a home where we use consequences. You do not eat your dinner, fine you are hungry all night. You do not put your clothes in the laundry basket, fine you will not have clean clothes and have to wear your old stuff. You break a window, you take the money from your savings to pay for it. You don't tidy up your toys, fine I assume they are going in the bin and round them up. You kick your sister under the dinner table, you are asked to leave the table until you want to behave. You tell a lie, we talk about why/what/how the reasons behind that. You answer back, we talk about the how/why/what that led to it. My children have choices, time outs, consequences, positive reinforcement.

Great post Starry and I totally agree with you... however I stand by saying that not all kids are the same and some are more difficult to deal with than others. I am lucky with a good girl who has quicly learnt parameters without any pain being inflicted..... but who am I to say that this will work with every child.

 

[Rusthall Seagull]

I find Bozza and the other guy hilarious. You get yourself involved in a debate and then when someone offers an opposing view and is adamant about it you stop debating and start calling names and being sarcastic, trying to catch people out rather than actually debating. And you wonder why I referred to you as a fool.

As before, let us have the debate NIBBLE....

come on, step 2............. ? ? ?

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Just because you resort to hitting a child it doesn't mean we all will.

Sorry Nibble did you read mine... I don't hit... there is no pain, there is no mark there is no tears... it's purely symbolic.

 

[Bozza]

If you want to do tha that is fine Bozza. It will only get us further away from th epoint but then I don't think youwant a debate do you. You want an argument.

Debate is very healthy. I just think it's a shame when people use an overly aggressive manner as part of their 'debate'. I suppose, for some, it's easier to do it that way than rely on intellect, fact and experience. Each to their own

 

[Nibble]

Don't get sanctimonious. We are all flawed. I suspect when you think of smacking - you think of a good whack designed to hurt, and other people may be seeing it a sharp move of the hand on a protected part of the childs body.

As an example - we have never smacked our children - but talking about it one day they said they did get smacked. S'life.

Ok, so If I was to sharply move my hand onto say a protected area of a girlfriends body (ie hit her) that would be acceptable would it?

If I slapped the wrist of an elderly woman that would be acceptable would it?

Because it is a child it makes it right?

I am not trying to offend peopel here and I can understand why people get defensive but come on, does anybody really think smacking is an effective way to bring up a child. An effective way to get them to give you a quiet life maybe but it does not educate children.

 

[Dave the OAP]

Yes I can. I am not a parent. That has little to do with this though does it? If you think about it. I can recognise child abuse and bullying when I see it.

ahhh....now with all due respect, that is where your argumenty falls down. Whilst it is great to have an opinion on something based on heresay or what you have read, or perhaps seen or been subject to yourself, you cannot judge people on this.

bringing up children is a very personal and immotive issue. I can remember time sbecoming very angry with my two, and I can remember the occasional slap to let them know that their behaviour had overstepped the mark. It probably happened once or maybe twice, but my children knew the boundries set out by my mrs and I and very very rarely stepped outside them.

I think this is where the problem with todays society manifests itself in that there are many young people who have pushed those boundries well beyond what society has layed down...underage drinking, carrying weapons etc etc. Mostly the "respect" word is used to justify all sorts of negative attitudes and actions, where in my day ( God I feel old) respect for the Law, parents, teachers was such that one did not dream of trasgressing for fear of punishment....blimey in my day you never looked at a copper let alone spoke to one.( puts daily telegraph down )

 

[Starry]

Great post Starry and I totally agree with you... however I stand by saying that not all kids are the same and some are more difficult to deal with than others. I am lucky with a good girl who has quicly learnt parameters without any pain being inflicted..... but who am I to say that this will work with every child.

Absolutely.

We are lucky as well, all of our children have learnt quickly what behaviour is expected of them and are pretty good kids all round. I feel bad enough taking money from my daughters money box when she has broken something, nevermind hitting her. That would probably harm me more than her!

 

[Rusthall Seagull]

Why? Do you agree with hitting children? which is child abuse.

So....let me get this straight - any parent who has smacked their child is a 'child abuser' ? ?

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Never did this bloke no harm, a good hiding off his dad did it...

 

[Bozza]

but it does not educate children.

I'm going to sound like a broken record but I'd like to see the evidence for this please.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

Ok, so If I was to sharply move my hand onto say a protected area of a girlfriends body (ie hit her) that would be acceptable would it?

If I slapped the wrist of an elderly woman that would be acceptable would it?

Because it is a child it makes it right?

I am not trying to offend peopel here and I can understand why people get defensive but come on, does anybody really think smacking is an effective way to bring up a child. An effective way to get them to give you a quiet life maybe but it does not educate children.

You are not offending me. I am just not sure you are talking about the same things. I do not know why you talk about hitting girlfriends - do you think it follows ? You are not responsible for the girlfriends behaviour - if you think you are then you have problems.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

QUOTE=Dave the Gaffer;2179075]ahhh....now with all due respect, that is where your argumenty falls down. Whilst it is great to have an opinion on something based on heresay or what you have read, or perhaps seen or been subject to yourself, you cannot judge people on this.

bringing up children is a very personal and immotive issue. I can remember time sbecoming very angry with my two, and I can remember the occasional slap to let them know that their behaviour had overstepped the mark. It probably happened once or maybe twice, but my children knew the boundries set out by my mrs and I and very very rarely stepped outside them.

I think this is where the problem with todays society manifests itself in that there are many young people who have pushed those boundries well beyond what society has layed down...underage drinking, carrying weapons etc etc. Mostly the "respect" word is used to justify all sorts of negative attitudes and actions, where in my day ( God I feel old) respect for the Law, parents, teachers was such that one did not dream of trasgressing for fear of punishment....blimey in my day you never looked at a copper let alone spoke to one.( puts daily telegraph down )[/QUOTE]