Bell Cheeses at work

[hans kraay fan club]

Clearly there needs to be a POLE about this and of course to inform our decision about this Young Lady's chances...

Just go with whatever your mind’s eye pictures, but a bit older, a little fatter, and eight times more annoying.

 

[Brian Fantana]

As someone who was once a fairly regular contributor to this glorious thread, I've enjoyed taking a back seat over the past few months and just reading. However, something so pure in its bellcheese nature has occurred today that I need to jump right back in.

The company that I work for has recently been engaged in building a brand new office in the Midlands - really quite plush and state of the art. The guy who is the project manager for the whole thing works in the same building as me. I've known him for a few years, but don't see him that much. I was down in the kitchen on one of the lower floors earlier, as the one on ours was being occupied by a group of PAs dissecting the latest Love Island nonsense. Anyway, whilst down in the kitchen I bumped into said project manager and had a brief chat. He was looking a bit sheepish throughout, and I asked him if everything was alright.

He confessed to me that he'd been visiting the new office last week, which is about a couple of months away from being finished. He had just been given a tour of the latest completed elements and was about to leave to drive back home when he got the call of nature, and it wasn't waiting for an answer. Thankfully knowing the layout of the building, he was able to find the nearest bathroom quite easily. Unfortunately for him, he was not aware that the toilet cisterns had not been finished being plumbed in. Being in such a hurry to answer nature's call, he didn't spot that there was no water in the bottom of the pan until it was far too late. As a horrific kicker to this sorry tale, there was also no toilet paper. So there he was, having utterly destroyed a brand new toilet and with no means to clean either it or himself. Trying so hard not to laugh, I asked him what on earth he did in this awful situation? Embarrassed, he said that he waddled like John Wayne out to his car and drove to the McDonald's around the corner to clean up. He said he fully intends on blaming the whole thing on one of the contractors working in the building.

Awful, awful bellcheesery. But quite funny too.

 

[Blue&WhiteSea]

My employer just cancelled my leaving drinks due to the extreme weather, like we aren't all still going to the pub after work to get pissed!

 

[METALMICKY]

Is your name John? Are you an Albion season ticket? Did you dump a Victoria Malone? Not so much bell cheesery but some of us had to work with her. Was she always a psycho or what on earth did you do?

 

[Juan Albion]

Is your name John? Are you an Albion season ticket? Did you dump a Victoria Malone? Not so much bell cheesery but some of us had to work with her. Was she always a psycho or what on earth did you do?

This post has great potential.

 

[marlowe]

.........So there he was, having utterly destroyed a brand new toilet and with no means to clean either it or himself. Trying so hard not to laugh, I asked him what on earth he did in this awful situation? Embarrassed, he said that he waddled like John Wayne out to his car and drove to the McDonald's around the corner to clean up. He said he fully intends on blaming the whole thing on one of the contractors working in the building.

You're in danger of opening up old wounds with that tale of befoulment and blame shifting. Your colleague doesn't moonlight as a coach driver by any chance?

 

[Brian Fantana]

You're in danger of opening up old wounds with that tale of befoulment and blame shifting. Your colleague doesn't moonlight as a coach driver by any chance?

Very fair point. Enquiries will be made.

 

[spongy]

OK. I have been having a running battle with colleagues at my uni where 8 of 14 students on one course were called into an interview with an invitation to admit to plagiarism (of face a tribunal). Then the original markers were invited to adjust their marks. Three of the three I have spoken with have said 'fark off, there is no plagiarism'.

So what happened?

We use a sustem called turnitin that identifies shared word strings with material online. If a % is hit (at say 30%) you can use this as a trigger to look at the matches. Usually we find the original source material said 'we examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67%' and they student changed it to ''they examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67% (source cited)' Not plagiarism. Fact.

So the course organiser should look at this and recognise no plagiarism and off to bed.

Unfortunately my colleague pulled all the 30% students in and read the riot act.

Now apparently a whole lot of angry students have set up a what's app group (or whatever it is called) with a view to doing us down.

My HoD accused me of throwing fuel on the fire by objecting to this cockwomblery. Until I found the 25 pages of regs on plagiarism on the uni web site and pointed out the course organiser should have made a decision before calling the students in....

I don't like to see needless suffering. My own student was ****ed over by this bollocks and is seething.

The equivalent is this. You arrive at the Amex and a police camera has identified red green and gold in your car interior. You are then invided to attend Bow Street Magistrate's court to be interrogated about possible Mary Juhana smoking in your car. You turn up and are invited to singe a confession or have your case transferred to the Old Bailey with a fair chance you'll be stripped of your UK citizenship. This is not satire, it is exactly what happened, in analogy format.

And people wonder why I get angry? FFS.

I finished my Engineering HNC last year, I got "interviewed" for plagiarism for my Analytical Methids for Engineers unit. Despite being the first to hand in the assignment.....

Apparently we all had the same answers and working in our assignments.

Considering that 'AME' is advanced maths the fact that wd all have the same answers is pretty much guaranteed. To pass it we all have to get the same answers OTHERWISE I'D HAVE GOT IT ERONG AND FAILED.

Thd same happened with the project unit. The last assignment was review and reflect the process. So a lot of copying and pasting of previous assignments with an analysis afterwards.

I got pulled up for plagiarism of my own work.

Turnitin is good for people blatantly cheating but too many variables in it.

Doesn't stop ghost writing though....

 

[BrightonCottager]

Turnitin is good for people blatantly cheating but too many variables in it.

Doesn't stop ghost writing though....

How much of an issue is this?

 

[Gwylan]

How much of an issue is this?

I don't know the full extent but when I was looking for writing work a few years back, a lecturer that I know suggested there was easy money to be made by writing essays for foreign students who had a poor grasp of English. He said that it wasn't cheating because I was putting the students' own words into better English but it sounded a bit dodgy to me. But if lecturers are turning a blind eye to the practice, I imagine it must be pretty common.

 

[Garage_Doors]

I have been out of the corporate loop for some 8 years following now being self employed/ semi retired but still do some part time word for a large company and received the following email

so that we can add you back onto payroll. Please bring pages 2 & 3 of your P45 in with you or pop into the People and Culture team (previously known as HR)

People & culture team FFS !

 

[timbha]

I have been out of the corporate loop for some 8 years following now being self employed/ semi retired but still do some part time word for a large company and received the following email

so that we can add you back onto payroll. Please bring pages 2 & 3 of your P45 in with you or pop into the People and Culture team (previously known as HR)

People & culture team FFS !

I think your final line is a better name for that dept

 

[portlock seagull]

I have been out of the corporate loop for some 8 years following now being self employed/ semi retired but still do some part time word for a large company and received the following email

so that we can add you back onto payroll. Please bring pages 2 & 3 of your P45 in with you or pop into the People and Culture team (previously known as HR)

People & culture team FFS !

Timeline of the emperors new clothes:

B.C (before ****s) when businesses just got on with things quite happily. Then this ‘industry’, a bit like bottled water, took hold and everyone forgot you didn’t really need, a fact that’s all but lost to time now.
1990s Personnel
2000s HR
2010s Talent Acquisition (and my favourite, because only a right **** would come up with that term)
2020s ...looks like the latest rebrand is People & Culture!!

The one constant throughout though is they’ve always been a bunch of ****s. No offence to anyone who is mind.

 

[FatSuperman]

The HR director has been told to stop asking people to sing & dance after trying to get the Chief Engineer to do so during familiarization training. Chief Engineer has 28 years in the company, eats lead & sh*ts bullets. He was not amused!

I once got fired for undertaking a bit of ‘familiarisation training’

 

[wellquickwoody]

I have been out of the corporate loop for some 8 years following now being self employed/ semi retired but still do some part time word for a large company and received the following email

so that we can add you back onto payroll. Please bring pages 2 & 3 of your P45 in with you or pop into the People and Culture team (previously known as HR)

People & culture team FFS !

Whatever happened to Personnel Departments?

 

[Nobby]

Timeline of the emperors new clothes:

B.C (before ****s) when businesses just got on with things quite happily. Then this ‘industry’, a bit like bottled water, took hold and everyone forgot you didn’t really need, a fact that’s all but lost to time now.
1990s Personnel
2000s HR
2010s Talent Acquisition (and my favourite, because only a right **** would come up with that term)
2020s ...looks like the latest rebrand is People & Culture!!

The one constant throughout though is they’ve always been a bunch of ****s. No offence to anyone who is mind.

My mate had to complete an Employee Well-being form last week.

He was off sick......

 

[dazzer6666]

Whatever happened to Personnel Departments?

Dealing with ‘Human Capital’ as one of my former organisations called us......not for long though.......

 

[pearl]

Just go with whatever your mind’s eye pictures, but a bit older, a little fatter, and eight times more annoying.

Will we be seeing her on that dating advert, you know the one where ... if THOSE women are single it's out of CHOICE and the men all resemble Bob from Twin Peaks, but 'We Like Each Other'

 

[Saunders]

Dealing with ‘Human Capital’ as one of my former organisations called us......not for long though.......

Taking the human out of human resources

 

[Badger]

I have been out of the corporate loop for some 8 years following now being self employed/ semi retired but still do some part time word for a large company and received the following email

so that we can add you back onto payroll. Please bring pages 2 & 3 of your P45 in with you or pop into the People and Culture team (previously known as HR)

People & culture team FFS !

Shorten it to "P&C" and come up with your own definitions for them.