Bell Cheeses at work

[Stat Brother]

Sorry no comedy here, just a vent.


You know the person who flits from dept to dept.
It ends with:-

"I can't work there"
"They are all lazy"
"I'm doing all the work"

Well guess who ended up in my nice, quiet, harmonious dept a couple of weeks ago?

Sure we all instantly know the type of person I've described but man alive this one is special.

A couple of weeks 'training', he didn't pay much attention here, seemingly he knew everything already.
Now he won't do anything I ask and has an amazing never seen before skill:-

He's managed to turn every job he does do into 2 jobs.
With the added bonus of being a half job henry.

Finally spoke to my boss who said:-

"It's his personality, I've spoken to him about it loads, but he just won't change".
I replied
"We'll get his personality the f**k away from me asap".


This afternoon will be his last time in my team!!!!

 

[Bodian]

Our HR team aren't too bad really. They have jovially discussed introducing the 'No Dickheads' policy for recruitment that we drew up one lunchtime, listing all the things that should bar people from being employed with us. Trouble was, by the end of lunch the list was so long that I'm not sure we could ever employ anyone. And if it were to be applied retrospectively, then there would be few of us left!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

OK. I have been having a running battle with colleagues at my uni where 8 of 14 students on one course were called into an interview with an invitation to admit to plagiarism (of face a tribunal). Then the original markers were invited to adjust their marks. Three of the three I have spoken with have said 'fark off, there is no plagiarism'.

So what happened?

We use a sustem called turnitin that identifies shared word strings with material online. If a % is hit (at say 30%) you can use this as a trigger to look at the matches. Usually we find the original source material said 'we examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67%' and they student changed it to ''they examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67% (source cited)' Not plagiarism. Fact.

So the course organiser should look at this and recognise no plagiarism and off to bed.

Unfortunately my colleague pulled all the 30% students in and read the riot act.

Now apparently a whole lot of angry students have set up a what's app group (or whatever it is called) with a view to doing us down.

My HoD accused me of throwing fuel on the fire by objecting to this cockwomblery. Until I found the 25 pages of regs on plagiarism on the uni web site and pointed out the course organiser should have made a decision before calling the students in....

I don't like to see needless suffering. My own student was ****ed over by this bollocks and is seething.

The equivalent is this. You arrive at the Amex and a police camera has identified red green and gold in your car interior. You are then invided to attend Bow Street Magistrate's court to be interrogated about possible Mary Juhana smoking in your car. You turn up and are invited to singe a confession or have your case transferred to the Old Bailey with a fair chance you'll be stripped of your UK citizenship. This is not satire, it is exactly what happened, in analogy format.

And people wonder why I get angry? FFS.

Update. Hauled in for a bollocking from senior management next week for not letting this go, and for questioning other stupidity (that potentially damages students' prospects). Mountains of subterfuge 'we followed the rules'...'it is only you who has an issue'...and made worse by more utter bollocks.....thinking of retiring rather than put up with a load of arrogant wankers who never cut it in research and now think they know something about administration, despite having nothing more than a PhD in physiology in their CV....

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I don't know the full extent but when I was looking for writing work a few years back, a lecturer that I know suggested there was easy money to be made by writing essays for foreign students who had a poor grasp of English. He said that it wasn't cheating because I was putting the students' own words into better English but it sounded a bit dodgy to me. But if lecturers are turning a blind eye to the practice, I imagine it must be pretty common.

We are not. We use Turnitin, but if the original has no online identity the fraud will be missed.

That said, my 'senior' colleagues don't know how to use turnitin....

My simple solution is to set coursework that is unique to me - 'write an essay on drug X', no chance. 'Explain why specificity of drug X for receptor Y does not map to clinical benefit by considering selectivity and the link between the molecular target and outcome' yes.

It sn't that difficult, but lazy lecturerers don't bother. Who knew?

 

[Dave the OAP]

I am 61 in a couple of weeks time and when I look back on my work life, which has paid for fab holidays , two lovely girls whose lives are good and given us a decent standard of living, my only regret is that I feel I have wasted my time on something that is in the end, a paper pushing existence.

I took a OU Open degree and got a equivalent 2.1 BA, and spent the last 3 years of it studying The classics and I so enjoy talking enthusiastically about Rome and Greece that I should really have looked to do something ina university, museum or travel guide....trouble is its a bit late now, but as an example, we were going around the Parthenon a couple of years ago and I was telling the mrs all about what it was and what pile of rocks were what, and I ended up with a load of people earwigging and this guy asked me if I was a guide,I said no, and he said did I mind if they tagged along with the two of us...it ended up with about 15 people. He even offered me money( which I obviously refused) as a thanks!

I know you should never regret anything , but......

We are not. We use Turnitin, but if the original has no online identity the fraud will be missed.

That said, my 'senior' colleagues don't know how to use turnitin....

My simple solution is to set coursework that is unique to me - 'write an essay on drug X', no chance. 'Explain why specificity of drug X for receptor Y does not map to clinical benefit by considering selectivity and the link between the molecular target and outcome' yes.

It sn't that difficult, but lazy lecturerers don't bother. Who knew?

 

[Sirnormangall]

I am 61 in a couple of weeks time and when I look back on my work life, which has paid for fab holidays , two lovely girls whose lives are good and given us a decent standard of living, my only regret is that I feel I have wasted my time on something that is in the end, a paper pushing existence.

I took a OU Open degree and got a equivalent 2.1 BA, and spent the last 3 years of it studying The classics and I so enjoy talking enthusiastically about Rome and Greece that I should really have looked to do something ina university, museum or travel guide....trouble is its a bit late now, but as an example, we were going around the Parthenon a couple of years ago and I was telling the mrs all about what it was and what pile of rocks were what, and I ended up with a load of people earwigging and this guy asked me if I was a guide,I said no, and he said did I mind if they tagged along with the two of us...it ended up with about 15 people. He even offered me money( which I obviously refused) as a thanks!

I know you should never regret anything , but......

I feel the same having worked in the parasitic overpaid financial services sector. Can’t change it, so I suggest you and HWT both glide slowly into retirement and enjoy

 

[Beach Hut]

I feel the same having worked in the parasitic overpaid financial services sector. Can’t change it, so I suggest you and HWT both glide slowly into retirement and enjoy

I agree after 37 years I was basically slowly going mad at my company, I was completely and totally burnt out by the system and red tape and had lost the will to live.

Retired in January and it has been a total revelation waking up and actually doing something I want to do for a change. Freedom and being in control has been amazing.

 

[happypig]

I agree after 37 years I was basically slowly going mad at my company, I was completely and totally burnt out by the system and red tape and had lost the will to live.

Retired in January and it has been a total revelation waking up and actually doing something I want to do for a change. Freedom and being in control has been amazing.

I retired early in June (after 35 years) and I'm a bit "out of sorts" if I'm honest and thinking about looking for another job but without the corporate bullshit.

 

[timbha]

I retired early in June (after 35 years) and I'm a bit "out of sorts" if I'm honest and thinking about looking for another job but without the corporate bullshit.

When I started my job my manager said it would take me two years to find out if I liked it. Being young and impatient I thought he was talking crap but in hindsight he was spot on. I stayed there 30 years.
My retirement is mirroring this in.
It takes more than a few months to adjust. Don’t replace corporate bullshit with the first thing that comes along. There’s a lot to do out there without the worry of working.

 

[Easy 10]

Not much BELLCHEESERY on here lately.

Disappointing.

 

[dazzer6666]

I feel the same having worked in the parasitic overpaid financial services sector. Can’t change it, so I suggest you and HWT both glide slowly into retirement and enjoy

Same here.............currently in year 36 and can't see there being too many more.

 

[happypig]

Not much BELLCHEESERY on here lately.

Disappointing.

In that case....

A pal of mine has a colleague who is suspected to go "cottaging" in his work van according to the tracker data. Either that or he has a very dodgy bladder, given the number of public bogs he visits on his rounds.

 

[Barham's tash]

In that case....

A pal of mine has a colleague who is suspected to go "cottaging" in his work van according to the tracker data. Either that or he has a very dodgy bladder, given the number of public bogs he visits on his rounds.

Should that be classified as bellcheesery or enterprising or even brazen?!

Is ‘they’ [dont want to offend anyone] that way inclined or are ‘they’ happily married and their other half blissfully unaware of their hobby?

On an actual bellcheese note last month our daughter contracted hand foot and mouth - a strikingly common but relatively harmless and short lived bacterial infection that manifests in a sore mouth and characterised by red welts on hands and feet.

Now like most bacterial jobbies the period of contagion is before any symptoms appear so if an adult catches it, which is rare, they are almost always infectious before they know they’re ill.

If adults do get it the impact is often greater than for the kids. Now my wife caught it and told her Line Manager because the doctor signed her off for a week. Because of the nature of the level of contagion that was the right thing to do but as I’ve said any damage was already done.

Her line manager told the head of facilities who in turn knew I worked [yes yes i know, we’re the bellcheses] in the building and requested I get sent home immediately...

My manager came to ask me as I explained and as I was working on something with a tight regulatory deadline we agreed the risk didn’t outweigh the need to send me home or not see the work I was doing through.

The facility manager’s response? Place ten or so industrial sized bottles of hand sanitiser per floor on every common area and then every time he’s seen me in the office since has given me the massive skunk eye and still does.

Suffice to say no one used the sanitiser which still sit there gathering dust and no one got sick. Ridiculous overreaction.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I am 61 in a couple of weeks time and when I look back on my work life, which has paid for fab holidays , two lovely girls whose lives are good and given us a decent standard of living, my only regret is that I feel I have wasted my time on something that is in the end, a paper pushing existence.

I took a OU Open degree and got a equivalent 2.1 BA, and spent the last 3 years of it studying The classics and I so enjoy talking enthusiastically about Rome and Greece that I should really have looked to do something ina university, museum or travel guide....trouble is its a bit late now, but as an example, we were going around the Parthenon a couple of years ago and I was telling the mrs all about what it was and what pile of rocks were what, and I ended up with a load of people earwigging and this guy asked me if I was a guide,I said no, and he said did I mind if they tagged along with the two of us...it ended up with about 15 people. He even offered me money( which I obviously refused) as a thanks!

I know you should never regret anything , but......

Lol!

When are you going to retire? Life could be your oyster after that. I still feel I have enough vim to have a great time. I'm 61 now, and could retire on a full pension (just checked out my numbers today, as it happens)....but....

The silly day job we do must have some attractions.....mmmm....it does have some attractions.....so....

Don't regret anything! Just go with the flow

ps I am looking at a disciplinary for winding up colleagues shortly - that'll be fun

 

[Stat Brother]

Why does the loudest man, in the world, have to pick my break time to facetime his family, watch darts then get a car insurance quote hands free.


The fella who only watches golf tutorials, without earphones, will also be in soon.

 

[timbha]

Why does the loudest man, in the world, have to pick my break time to facetime his family, watch darts then get a car insurance quote hands free.


The fella who only watches golf tutorials, without earphones, will also be in soon.

Wait till your PA rings her mum!

 

[Lower West Stander]

Good one today.

Some weeks ago we got an email from the Head of Sustainability saying our office was banning paper cups from the drinks machine in an effort to reduce our carbon footprint.

Today it happened. Got in this morning and there was a top sealed glass cup on every desk which we are to use as a replacement. Rather wonderfully, this has created a massive queue at the sink as some 80 people have to wash their cups up who previously hadn’t had their own mug. Very restless natives.

Best bit though was the amount of paper towels in the bin as people used them to dry aforementioned mugs. It was as full of paper as it had previously been full of paper cups.

I’m all for saving the planet but for goodness sake think it through.....


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[middletoenail]

Why do these 80 people need to dry a cup that they will fill with water/coffee/tea?


I raise you a reverse bell cheesery!

 

[AmexRuislip]

This last week there has a shortage of paper hand towels (which cannot be recycled) and loo roll at our work.
Bordering on the ridiculous.

 

[Barham's tash]

Unashamedly stolen from the excellent mumsnet madness twitter feed:

What other **** fest ideas have your bosses dreamt up to deliver cohesive team building?