Bell Cheeses at work

[timbha]

All true enough, it's the fact that they all have Snapchat and are prolific social media users. They have a little clique, about four or five of them.I can tell when they're typing angrily away on their PCs - they're not hard at work, they're messaging each other. Even though they sit in front of one another. I shit you not.

I've actually got along really well with this guy, he's a typically brash and loud Brummie - funny, usually really friendly. He seems to have got a bee in his bonnet though over this in particular.

Why don’t you confront this Brummie along the lines of “I value our friendship and open and honest relationship so wondered if we could have a chat about something that’s been bothering me”. Then explain in non specific terms, say how you know he wouldn’t get involved in such childish behaviour and ask if he has any suggestions on how to resolve the issue because otherwise you will have to make a formal complaint to HR for bullying/harassment. Watch the colour of his face!!

 

[Jimmehh]

We appear to have a fridge thief in our building... which in itself if bellcheesery, but now it's constant emails...

Both sides are just bell cheeses.. stop stealing stuff that isn't yours, and stop including every single person in every single reply!! Thought I worked with adults... guess not.

 

[schmunk]

We appear to have a fridge thief in our building...

Does one of your colleagues keep a sackbarrow by his desk? It's probably him.

 

[dazzer6666]

We appear to have a fridge thief in our building... which in itself if bellcheesery, but now it's constant emails...

Both sides are just bell cheeses.. stop stealing stuff that isn't yours, and stop including every single person in every single reply!! Thought I worked with adults... guess not.

The 'reply all' function in email is the worst thing ever invented.

 

[TheJasperCo]

We appear to have a fridge thief in our building... which in itself if bellcheesery, but now it's constant emails...

Both sides are just bell cheeses.. stop stealing stuff that isn't yours, and stop including every single person in every single reply!! Thought I worked with adults... guess not.

Similar thing happened to us, on two occasions earlier this year. We think it's short-term students and staff, or maybe contractors, who assume unlabelled food is for the taking. Either way, we don't give a crap if someone's used your butter or nibbled on one of your Babybel (ironic, yes) - just get a grip on your life FFS!

 

[Jimmehh]

Similar thing happened to us, on two occasions earlier this year. We think it's short-term students and staff, or maybe contractors, who assume unlabelled food is for the taking. Either way, we don't give a crap if someone's used your butter or nibbled on one of your Babybel (ironic, yes) - just get a grip on your life FFS!

Lol unfortunately one of the biggest things is stupid milk! Nobody cares if someone used some of your almond/goat/pig/coconut milk etc... it wasn’t me, stop fkin emailing me!

 

[Barham's tash]

Similar thing happened to us, on two occasions earlier this year. We think it's short-term students and staff, or maybe contractors, who assume unlabelled food is for the taking. Either way, we don't give a crap if someone's used your butter or nibbled on one of your Babybel (ironic, yes) - just get a grip on your life FFS!

I get all of the bell cheese arguments for the admonishment of fridge Nazis but sadly often people who pedantically bring in their food are on a low income or have trouble making ends meet and when someone scoffs a fifth of your weekly food budget it really must get your heckles up.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Iggle Piggle]

The one rearing its head this week is the pimping by do holders for charity. I've seen it all over the years from charity coffee mornings to charity stair walking and someone who selflessly drove across Europe for 1 month with no personal enjoyment whatsoever - with a nicely inserted caveat about 'expenses' in the fund raising to boot.

Anyway, the one that has been grinding my gears is this one bloke who is doing a poncy swim as if it's a real sport. I've seen his picture a thousand times where he looks like some shit Iron man on everything from e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and God knows what else as he tries to drum up a few quid. The absolute bell cheese.

Anyway, if you would like to sponsor me, the link is here

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/nik-collins

Yep. I have become Le fromage cloche.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Just received this email:

"On behalf of the Transition & Retention Unit, part of the Social Mobility & Student Success division, it is my pleasure to inform you of the induction, refresher and Senior Tutor briefing sessions that have been arranged for the new academic year......"

The ****ers should focus more on my retention, in case I decide to transition.

No wonder I'm looking to move to a less self-regarding and institutionally ****ed up organization.

(I'm not actually a senior tutor. This is because there is no such thing where I work. I guess they just made it up because it sounds good).

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

I like the people who accuse someone of taking their .......... insert quinoa flan or crayfish froth etc, not because it went missing but to try to promote what they buy not for pleasure but for limitless bellcheesery.

 

[dazzer6666]

The one rearing its head this week is the pimping by do holders for charity. I've seen it all over the years from charity coffee mornings to charity stair walking and someone who selflessly drove across Europe for 1 month with no personal enjoyment whatsoever - with a nicely inserted caveat about 'expenses' in the fund raising to boot.

Anyway, the one that has been grinding my gears is this one bloke who is doing a poncy swim as if it's a real sport. I've seen his picture a thousand times where he looks like some shit Iron man on everything from e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and God knows what else as he tries to drum up a few quid. The absolute bell cheese.

Anyway, if you would like to sponsor me, the link is here

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/nik-collins

Yep. I have become Le fromage cloche.

That's you that is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNbt8noczlw

 

[pearl]

Just received this email:

"On behalf of the Transition & Retention Unit, part of the Social Mobility & Student Success division, it is my pleasure to inform you of the induction, refresher and Senior Tutor briefing sessions that have been arranged for the new academic year......"

The ****ers should focus more on my retention, in case I decide to transition.

No wonder I'm looking to move to a less self-regarding and institutionally ****ed up organization.

(I'm not actually a senior tutor. This is because there is no such thing where I work. I guess they just made it up because it sounds good).

Retentive to the point of compulsively constipated! (them, not you)

 

[Guinness Boy]

The f*****g Bake Off NONSENSE has started already in our office - this year incorporating a QUIZ, which costs FIVE POUNDS to enter and features a series of bullshit questions that no one possibly could know the answer to. Given the fact that a proportion of the proceeds raised from said quiz are going to charity, virtually everyone in the office has been guilted into taking part.

If this horseshit wasn't enough to deal with, there's now a certain demographic of the office starting to chuck in Bake Off puns at every available opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I love puns as much as the next man, but if one more person shoehorns a 'soggy bottom' into a conversation then I'm not going to be responsible for my actions.

Unfortunately even the puns have been surpassed by something so pure in its bellcheesery that I'm not even sure a scale has been developed on which this cretinous bollocks can find a suitable place. At our monthly team meeting, there are always a few 'awards' given out for going above and beyond, completing important projects and so forth. It's fairly harmless, and generally takes the form of some vouchers or event tickets or something. However, as a nod to the Bake Off, our Director has now decided that the vouchers will be accompanied by a 'Hollywood handshake', only reserved for someone who has done something really special.

I bring a Friday afternoon tale of WOE.

We had two new team members start late last year and both, I thought, were ok. Not brilliantly impressive at their jobs nor markedly lazy or crap, just middling. Like a drink. Don't eat smelly food or crisps and have normal ring tones. Newbie one is an Arsenal fan with a slightly grating voice but has otherwise displayed no bellcheesery to date whatsoever. Newbie two I had even higher hopes for given he was an Ipswich fan who actually went to games as well as a racing fan who sometimes offers tips that aren't awful. In fact I'm up on his tips. Funny, gets his round in, goes on site when needed. You know the sort.

So imagine my HORROR yesterday afternoon when Newbie Two enquired if we were all watching the Bake Off. No. No, I'm not.

Nor were very many others. There seems to be a core of Bake Off fans in the office and a remainder who, like me, neither know nor care about it (actually that's not true, if I'm going to watch a cooking show it needs to be Gordon Ramsey calling someone a ***t or the late, great Bourdain eating spicy insects with a Pacific tribe who are off their nuts on Kava rather than some odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire making a cake but I digress). The fact that only about THREE people are spending their evenings engaged in this torture didn't stop Newbie Two from instigating a compeition whereby people had to pick a contestant from the website as their favourite. Then....yes it gets better.....if they go out you have to bake something at home that your contestant attempted in the show they came last in. And take it in to the office for everyone else to eat and judge. Yes, really. So, not only do you have to visit the frickin website and learn the name of the odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire, you have to find out if she's any good at cake making, watch EVERY show and bake something for an office that contains (at the last count) a vegan, two vegetarians, one gluten intolerant, a Muslim, several kosher Jews and a bloke in the corner who never talks.

FFS.

(I'm not in which no doubt means I'll be regarded as GRUMPY).

 

[Hampden Park]

shit in his man bag guinness

 

[Guinness Boy]

shit in his man bag guinness

 

[pearl]

I bring a Friday afternoon tale of WOE.

We had two new team members start late last year and both, I thought, were ok. Not brilliantly impressive at their jobs nor markedly lazy or crap, just middling. Like a drink. Don't eat smelly food or crisps and have normal ring tones. Newbie one is an Arsenal fan with a slightly grating voice but has otherwise displayed no bellcheesery to date whatsoever. Newbie two I had even higher hopes for given he was an Ipswich fan who actually went to games as well as a racing fan who sometimes offers tips that aren't awful. In fact I'm up on his tips. Funny, gets his round in, goes on site when needed. You know the sort.

So imagine my HORROR yesterday afternoon when Newbie Two enquired if we were all watching the Bake Off. No. No, I'm not.

Nor were very many others. There seems to be a core of Bake Off fans in the office and a remainder who, like me, neither know nor care about it (actually that's not true, if I'm going to watch a cooking show it needs to be Gordon Ramsey calling someone a ***t or the late, great Bourdain eating spicy insects with a Pacific tribe who are off their nuts on Kava rather than some odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire making a cake but I digress). The fact that only about THREE people are spending their evenings engaged in this torture didn't stop Newbie Two from instigating a compeition whereby people had to pick a contestant from the website as their favourite. Then....yes it gets better.....if they go out you have to bake something at home that your contestant attempted in the show they came last in. And take it in to the office for everyone else to eat and judge. Yes, really. So, not only do you have to visit the frickin website and learn the name of the odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire, you have to find out if she's any good at cake making, watch EVERY show and bake something for an office that contains (at the last count) a vegan, two vegetarians, one gluten intolerant, a Muslim, several kosher Jews and a bloke in the corner who never talks.

FFS.

(I'm not in which no doubt means I'll be regarded as GRUMPY).

It's a worry isn't it, how TV shows can turn likeable people into total morons, but they do get over it.

Can't you decorate a chocolate cake with Smarties or something? Maybe spell out C*nts across the top?

 

[dazzer6666]

I bring a Friday afternoon tale of WOE.

We had two new team members start late last year and both, I thought, were ok. Not brilliantly impressive at their jobs nor markedly lazy or crap, just middling. Like a drink. Don't eat smelly food or crisps and have normal ring tones. Newbie one is an Arsenal fan with a slightly grating voice but has otherwise displayed no bellcheesery to date whatsoever. Newbie two I had even higher hopes for given he was an Ipswich fan who actually went to games as well as a racing fan who sometimes offers tips that aren't awful. In fact I'm up on his tips. Funny, gets his round in, goes on site when needed. You know the sort.

So imagine my HORROR yesterday afternoon when Newbie Two enquired if we were all watching the Bake Off. No. No, I'm not.

Nor were very many others. There seems to be a core of Bake Off fans in the office and a remainder who, like me, neither know nor care about it (actually that's not true, if I'm going to watch a cooking show it needs to be Gordon Ramsey calling someone a ***t or the late, great Bourdain eating spicy insects with a Pacific tribe who are off their nuts on Kava rather than some odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire making a cake but I digress). The fact that only about THREE people are spending their evenings engaged in this torture didn't stop Newbie Two from instigating a compeition whereby people had to pick a contestant from the website as their favourite. Then....yes it gets better.....if they go out you have to bake something at home that your contestant attempted in the show they came last in. And take it in to the office for everyone else to eat and judge. Yes, really. So, not only do you have to visit the frickin website and learn the name of the odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire, you have to find out if she's any good at cake making, watch EVERY show and bake something for an office that contains (at the last count) a vegan, two vegetarians, one gluten intolerant, a Muslim, several kosher Jews and a bloke in the corner who never talks.

FFS.

(I'm not in which no doubt means I'll be regarded as GRUMPY).

This is Bob
Be like Bob.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

The Guardian had a whole article about Bell Cheese email phrases yesterday.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/shortcuts/2018/aug/27/re-attaching-for-convenience-passive-aggressive-email-phrases-poll

Always like reading Guardian reader comments - but they've closed it now. But nearly 1,900 comments, must have wound up a lot of folk!

Edit - just checked again and you can now read the comments - that will while away an hour or so in a dull office day

 

[Badger]

Always like reading Guardian reader comments - but they've closed it now. But nearly 1,900 comments, must have wound up a lot of folk!

Edit - just checked again and you can now read the comments - that will while away an hour or so in a dull office day

Ooh, I didn't actually get to the comments. I'll just go and make myself a coffee and get stuck in.

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

shit in his man bag guinness

And wipe your knob on the rim of his coffee/tea mug. Very childish but does give you a great deal of satisfaction, especially if your around when they’re drinking from said mug.