Bell Cheeses at work

[The Fifth Column]

I found out a couple of weeks ago that the team I'm going into has the man who holds the Olympic Gold and World Record in utter bell cheesery. We all know him, the part time journo, full time window licker.

Wish me luck.......

Tales of his bellcheesery will keep me returning to this thread on a weekly basis!

 

[spring hall convert]

Office speak - latest is "Will you reach out to whoever"

FFS just **** off and do one

I work for an American firm and when I hear British people saying this I take an immediate, slightly irrational, dislike to them. Lickers.

 

[jakarta]

I was sent the following email a few days ago, after I'd told somebody that the new process that they'd designed for overseas recruitment was illegal:

"Biomimicry

An Organisation Learns A Lesson From An Organism

[Here was a picture of an amoeba, which I unfortunately can't replicate]

The Organism

A cell functions as a unit, each part interacting on behalf of the whole entity, no part acts independently without adverse consequences, therefore mechanisms exist that constantly relay the status and actions of each component to the rest of the organisms which in turn stimulates a response from selective components within the cell thus optimising the organisms viability and efficiency.

The Organisation

When an individual or team create and implement a solution or idea that will significantly affect other individuals or departments then implements that solution or idea without providing the opportunity for those individuals that will be affected, to appraise and feedback before the implementation, the outcome will usually have a greater probability of being less effective. Any strategy can be validated or optimised, and the logical time to ‘stress test’ an idea is before its full implementation, therefore reasonable consultation before significant change IS simply good practice; regardless of the status or I.Q. of the individual or lead team.

I love working in xxxxx and I’m passionate about our organisation, therefore I’m disappointed and frustrated when we fail to harness the incredible resources that lay within every employee across our entire workforce, and good communication is key if we are to maximise the potential of this wonderful institution.

A multitude of way already exist that connect our neural network; StaffNet, DSE Communications, eUpdate, Beeline, Intranets, social media, email distribution lists, email, and my personal favourite. . . physically meeting and talking with people.

So, from today, I am calling upon ever member of staff within our organisation, especially those with any managerial responsibility in any capacity to do two things;

1) Fully embrace the organisational lesson we can learn from single celled organisms and always carry out a 360 degree communication and consultation, especially with those who will be directly affected, before implementing any idea that significantly impacts those individuals or departments. The xxxxxxxxxxxxxx is ONE team, and we are at our best when we function that way. Consultation can be done very quickly and concluded within a few hours/days or weeks, just filter out the ‘white noise’ that may be generated, then isolate the strongest harmonics and… hey presto, you’ve just validated your proposed action plan or you now have additional resources to optimise or construct a better idea BEFORE it becomes operational, this is a win/win process, and I suspect that only those afflicted with hubris or a ‘silo mentality’ would object to this concept.

2) Provide me with feedback!!!! ;-)

I have written this email to you because of the way I feel about the process that lead up to the implementation of our current xxxxxxx validation procedures (see email trail below). My complaint is not with the solution (although I don’t like the present solution at all), but with the lack of opportunity I had feedback before the implementation. And my greater concern is that I suspect other parts of our wonderful organisation that I care passionately may well be suffering the same malady, and that is a disappointing and frustrating thought."

Would have been very tempted to reply along the lines of: Thanks for this, I have never had an e-mail from an amoeba before, best wishes and watch out for the Domestos...

Seriously I am so glad I work for myself these days.

 

[bhanutz]

I found out a couple of weeks ago that the team I'm going into has the man who holds the Olympic Gold and World Record in utter bell cheesery. We all know him, the part time journo, full time window licker.

Wish me luck.......

Please can you explain to me what a window licker is? Would that be what you would say to my son who gets a variety bus to a special needs school every day? Just curious!

 

[Napper]

Please can you explain to me what a window licker is? Would that be what you would say to my son who gets a variety bus to a special needs school every day? Just curious!

HAHAH

FFS , Chill out !!

 

[bhanutz]

HAHAH

FFS , Chill out !!

Just making a point, that term is very offensive...Ignorance is no excuse

 

[Deleted User X18H]

HAHAH

FFS , Chill out !!

I found out a couple of weeks ago that the team I'm going into has the man who holds the Olympic Gold and World Record in utter bell cheesery. We all know him, the part time journo, full time window licker.

Wish me luck.......

Please can you explain to me what a window licker is? Would that be what you would say to my son who gets a variety bus to a special needs school every day? Just curious!

Mr it would appear is reluctant to say anything. Other than that from which he does hiding behind his keyboard.

 

[Napper]

Just making a point, that term is very offensive...Ignorance is no excuse

Its not meant in an offensive way .

Its a football messageboard mostly with blokes. Ignore the lines that you don't like otherwise you'll give yourself a hernia.

Back to the thread

 

[The Fifth Column]

Its not meant in an offensive way .

Its a football messageboard mostly with blokes. Ignore the lines that you don't like otherwise you'll give yourself a hernia.

Back to the thread

How dare you belittle people with hernias! And the term bloke is sexist, please call us men!

 

[Worthingite]

My apologies, I shall retract that last comment, didn't mean to cause any offence.

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

Office speak - latest is "Will you reach out to whoever"

FFS just **** off and do one

"Link in" is another one I keep hearing at work all the sudden.. Just say discuss for f*ck sake

 

[The_Viper]

Just making a point, that term is very offensive...Ignorance is no excuse

Never expected to see someone on NSC triggered. Perhaps we can set up a safe space forum for those with a flimsy disposition.

 

[bhanutz]

Never expected to see someone on NSC triggered. Perhaps we can set up a safe space forum for those with a flimsy disposition.

and what is a flimsy disposition?

 

[marshy68]

"Link in" is another one I keep hearing at work all the sudden.. Just say discuss for f*ck sake

The one I hate is you need to dial up your sales hat or dial up your service hat - wankers the lot of them.

 

[The Fifth Column]

and what is a flimsy disposition?

Christ, have a day off FFS.

You got offended on the Internet. It might come as a shock and surprise to you but NO-ONE CARES. NO-ONE!

 

[bhanutz]

Christ, have a day off FFS.

Yes boss!

 

[The Clamp]

Christ, have a day off FFS.

You got offended on the Internet. It might come as a shock and surprise to you but NO-ONE CARES. NO-ONE!

The poster who made the comment has apologised. Prob best to leave it now and refrain from turning NSC's premier thread into nastiness?
Just reaching out and touching base, no need to unpack it.

 

[jon12345]

Office speak - latest is "Will you reach out to whoever"

FFS just **** off and do one

 

[Cian]

My line manager seems to have swallowed the buzzword book on his day off last week. He's used "reach out" and "square off" at least ten times today in emails.

 

[The Fifth Column]

The poster who made the comment has apologised. Prob best to leave it now and refrain from turning NCS's premier thread into nastiness?
Just reaching out and touching base, no need to unpack it.

I have stir fried that idea in my think-wok and I shall drill down into it. Glad you've peeled the onion on that one, thanks.