Bell Cheeses at work

[The Clamp]

I have stir fried that idea in my think-wok and I shall drill down into it. Glad you've peeled the onion on that one, thanks.

Haha! Think wok. Genius.

 

[dazzer6666]

"Link in" is another one I keep hearing at work all the sudden.. Just say discuss for f*ck sake

Almost as bad as 'socialising'........

Have you socialised that idea ?

No, I've simply spoken to people about it, you ****

 

[MF'84]

I have stir fried that idea in my think-wok and I shall drill down into it. Glad you've peeled the onion on that one, thanks.

Think-wok is classic Bell Cheesery, but it has been bettered in my office just yesterday:

"we need to go at this problem with a cheese grater to break the problem down"

...so there you've got a typically Bell Cheese-tastic quip INCLUDING the mention of cheese related equipment

Beat that!

 

[jakarta]

"we need to go at this problem with a cheese grater to break the problem down":

In other words we need to split this problem into myriad unrelated components that can't possibly help us sort the original issue so we can pretend that we have done something positive about it when we have to report to our bosses

I would imagine that such a serious Issue would require a Focus Group to be Enabled...

 

[WhingForPresident]

Been working in a very corporate environment for the first time for just over 2 months. 'Touch base' and 'starter for 10' are really starting to grind my gears...

 

[RandyWanger]

The Christmas ***** are out in force today. It's ****ing August, it's warm outside, don't start this Christmas bollox already.

Maybe I'm the office bell cheese today

 

[The Clamp]

Back when I worked in an office environment myself and a colleague who loathed the early start to christmas volunteered a couple of years in a row to organise the staff and client parties, secret santa stuff and gathering raffle prizes, booking tables etc. Sounds counter intuitive to take over doing it ourselves but it was brilliant. We made sure we booked the venues well in advance, then essentially shut the **** up about it until december. We got the occassional enquiry but just answered "Wouldn't be a surprise if everyone knew". Perfect.

 

[Postman Pat]

I'm living the joys of Agile software development today.

For weeks the dev team have been telling me the stories are too big and need to be more granular to be able to accurately estimate, so that is what I have been doing.

Now the backlog is too full of stories so they can't actually tell what is needed, so now I am adding comments to Epics and deleting all the granular stories....

Until they are needed and then I will need to break them down again.....

What a load of balls.

 

[Brian Fantana]

I'm living the joys of Agile software development today.

For weeks the dev team have been telling me the stories are too big and need to be more granular to be able to accurately estimate, so that is what I have been doing.

Now the backlog is too full of stories so they can't actually tell what is needed, so now I am adding comments to Epics and deleting all the granular stories....

Until they are needed and then I will need to break them down again.....

What a load of balls.

I'd agree wholeheartedly, if I could understand any of it!

 

[Badger]

I'm living the joys of Agile software development today.

For weeks the dev team have been telling me the stories are too big and need to be more granular to be able to accurately estimate, so that is what I have been doing.

Now the backlog is too full of stories so they can't actually tell what is needed, so now I am adding comments to Epics and deleting all the granular stories....

Until they are needed and then I will need to break them down again.....

What a load of balls.

I work as a developer on an Agile project, but we break down the stories ourselves. Seems like the more sensible route.

Annoyingly, today is our end of sprint day which we have every two weeks. An ENTIRE day of dull and almost completely unnecessary (at least for the developers) meetings in which we demo our work, discuss what we've done, analyse what we have and haven't done, plan our next sprint, and break down the next sprint into tasks. Yes, these are all SEPARATE meetings.

In every one of these meetings there's always the usual suspects who just can't shut up. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING and feel like a large meeting is the place that they have to have their say and turn a quick 30 minute demo into an hour (if we're lucky) long slog.

 

[FamilyGuy]

I'm living the joys of Agile software development today.

For weeks the dev team have been telling me the stories are too big and need to be more granular to be able to accurately estimate, so that is what I have been doing.

Now the backlog is too full of stories so they can't actually tell what is needed, so now I am adding comments to Epics and deleting all the granular stories....

Until they are needed and then I will need to break them down again.....

What a load of balls.

-oOo-

I work as a developer on an Agile project, but we break down the stories ourselves. Seems like the more sensible route.

Annoyingly, today is our end of sprint day which we have every two weeks. An ENTIRE day of dull and almost completely unnecessary (at least for the developers) meetings in which we demo our work, discuss what we've done, analyse what we have and haven't done, plan our next sprint, and break down the next sprint into tasks. Yes, these are all SEPARATE meetings.

In every one of these meetings there's always the usual suspects who just can't shut up. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING and feel like a large meeting is the place that they have to have their say and turn a quick 30 minute demo into an hour (if we're lucky) long slog.

What you guys need to do is buy some Coaching and/or Training from me

 

[Badger]

What you guys need to do is buy some Coaching and/or Training from me

You know what's worse than having to follow a stupid process? Being coached on how and why we should follow a stupid process...

 

[Lower West Stander]

We got the annual "corporate stars" email today.

I work for an American bank and every year they announce a list of people who have given "outstanding commitment to the firm" - insinuation being of course that the rest of us couldn't give a monkeys.

So I am asked to "celebrate" Amy who works in Corporate Outsourcing (?) in Pittsburgh and Jim in Client Service in Dublin.

Why? I don't know these people, will never meet them, they have nothing to do with my day to day job and I'm not interested in the fact they have all won $50 to spend in Macy's or whatever.

I'd rather be "celebrating" that my inbox didn't get clogged with garbage like this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Badger]

We got the annual "corporate stars" email today.

I work for an American bank and every year they announce a list of people who have given "outstanding commitment to the firm" - insinuation being of course that the rest of us couldn't give a monkeys.

So I am asked to "celebrate" Amy who works in Corporate Outsourcing (?) in Pittsburgh and Jim in Client Service in Dublin.

Why? I don't know these people, will never meet them, they have nothing to do with my day to day job and I'm not interested in the fact they have all won $50 to spend in Macy's or whatever.

I'd rather be "celebrating" that my inbox didn't get clogged with garbage like this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Doesn't that just mean finding ways to make people redundant?

 

[Lower West Stander]

Doesn't that just mean finding ways to make people redundant?

That's probably why she's being "celebrated"


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Badger]

That's probably why she's being "celebrated"

Perhaps you can start your own "Corporate C****s" awards.

 

[Ninja Elephant]

I'm fairly certain that the monthly "Outstanding Award" is handed out purely in jest. Every team has one, every month. Whether the team have actually had a good month or not. It's become so laughable now that when the email comes around, it's met with laughter. I'm really hopeful that the tenured old woman, who last added value about 19 years ago, is going to scoop the award this month because she's really been outdoing herself. Never finishing her worklists (despite being allocated less than everyone else), having the highest failure rate in the team, having the worst sickness record of any human in continuous employment in history and to cap it all off, celebrated returning from a two week "sickness" by booking an emergency day off for the following day. Truly spectacular work by a woman who is so unremarkable that when she was off "sick", we forgot all about her. She showed up on monday on her mobility scooter all ready to work and was met with shock, confusion and frustration.

 

[The Fifth Column]

I work as a developer on an Agile project, but we break down the stories ourselves. Seems like the more sensible route.

Annoyingly, today is our end of sprint day which we have every two weeks. An ENTIRE day of dull and almost completely unnecessary (at least for the developers) meetings in which we demo our work, discuss what we've done, analyse what we have and haven't done, plan our next sprint, and break down the next sprint into tasks. Yes, these are all SEPARATE meetings.

In every one of these meetings there's always the usual suspects who just can't shut up. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING and feel like a large meeting is the place that they have to have their say and turn a quick 30 minute demo into an hour (if we're lucky) long slog.

Erm...what I'm fairly well educated and English is my first language but I don't understand a word of that. Evidence if any was needed of bellcheesery in your workplace, bravo!

 

[The Fifth Column]

I'm fairly certain that the monthly "Outstanding Award" is handed out purely in jest. Every team has one, every month. Whether the team have actually had a good month or not. It's become so laughable now that when the email comes around, it's met with laughter. I'm really hopeful that the tenured old woman, who last added value about 19 years ago, is going to scoop the award this month because she's really been outdoing herself. Never finishing her worklists (despite being allocated less than everyone else), having the highest failure rate in the team, having the worst sickness record of any human in continuous employment in history and to cap it all off, celebrated returning from a two week "sickness" by booking an emergency day off for the following day. Truly spectacular work by a woman who is so unremarkable that when she was off "sick", we forgot all about her. She showed up on monday on her mobility scooter all ready to work and was met with shock, confusion and frustration.

Ah the professional sicknote, every workplace has one or more of them! They somehow managed to navigate and confuse HR departments interpretation of said companies sickness absence rules and string out their pointless existences for years at a time.

 

[Badger]

Erm...what I'm fairly well educated and English is my first language but I don't understand a word of that. Evidence if any was needed of bellcheesery in your workplace, bravo!

Yes, we have to know all about these working "methodologies" rather than just getting on with our jobs. Although, to be fair, the ideas behind how we work are quite sound, it's just a shame they insist on creating bullshit words.

I'm pretty sure it's only my first paragraph (and possibly the word "sprint" *) which is full of bellcheesery though.

* Sprint = the next work we have to do