Bell Cheeses at work

[dazzer6666]

Her "now..what shall I have for lunch?"
You "how about spunk on toast?"

LOL. Almost this, but remaining (just) within the boundaries of what would lead to a 'chat with HR'

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

Blimey sounds like I'm lucky. I work in a department of about 40 people there aren't any particular bell ends and those with unique character traits are amusing rather than annoying.

One particular old girl is hilarious and doesn't know it, yesterdays musing about the building work she's having done went something like ....."because my front door's blocked off Alan (husband) is having to come through my new back door, he's getting a bit fed up going round the back and he'll be happy when my front door's unblocked again"... cue me spitting tea all over my keyboard.

 

[Simster]

Does anyone here work with hove born & bred?

 

[The Large One]

In 2000, I was working on a project that wasn't going that well. It involved going to a repro house in London and approving artwork. Unfortunately, it was all going belly-up, and I didn't leave there until 4.30am. During the day and evening, I received calls from the studio manager and MD trying to sort stuff out, and I was just saying 'let's sort this out today, and deal with any other stuff on Monday, though I'll take a couple of days off in lieu later on...' etc. The studio manager - hardly the sharpest tool in the box - decided to start clucking about 'oh, I don't know you can have days off - it's not right. You and me will have to have a chat about that..' etc. Whatever.

Over the weekend, my mother died. Naturally, I was devastated.

I called in work the next day to speak to a colleague to tell him what happened and that I wouldn't be in. He was very understanding and sympathetic, but asked me to phone in later to speak to the studio manager to tell her where I was at with various projects; her time-keeping was awful.

I finally spoke to her at about 10.30 just after she'd got in. "Oh, this is terrible, I'm sorry this has happened. I always say the wrong things at this point..." I said thank you, her sympathies were appreciated. At which point she said, "Of course, this must be true, because you wouldn't pull this stunt just to have a day off..."

 

[WATFORD zero]

Does anyone here work with hove born & bred?

I think i may have ordered a burger from him ?

 

[Springal]

A similar level manager to me of another team, used to be the biggest petulant **** I never knew. Would pick you up on every little thing you'd say, would ALWAYS deflect blame to someone else and generally a complete idiot. He also used to TIME my lunch breaks, and declare to the whole office how long I'd have, when I was gone. Even if I was out on a client lunch.

He left recently, to go to the Bank of England. I am sure he will fit in great.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

If you don't work with a bellend then it is probably you?

Blimey sounds like I'm lucky. I work in a department of about 40 people there aren't any particular bell ends

 

[surlyseagull]

And there`s me moaning about having my own business !!!! jeez

 

[Nibble]

Offices are peculiar places. In almost any other line of work if someone is being a knob you can acceptably tell them to stop acting like a knob and the problem is resolved.

 

[gully1984]

Up until 2 weeks ago I had the most IRRITATING woman sitting next to me. There was no time when she was at her desk and not making a sound, she would either be humming, singing, eating junk food (she was a CHUBSTER), reading emails ALOUD as she typed them or having a very loud phone conversation. The majority of her phone calls were personal ones, usually when she was ordering something for her flat, I once heard her use the phrase "I'm after some cushion covers to complement my large, contemporary, interior space". Oh and she was completely incapable of pronouncing the letter 'T'.

We didn't speak for the last month after I had a go at her for describing one of her colleagues as a c**t, she even went on to say he was unprofessional. Pot, kettle!

It's hard to project just how much I disliked her.

This. That is all. Love it

 

[Brian Fantana]

Haha!

 

[Brian Fantana]

Offices are peculiar places. In almost any other line of work if someone is being a knob you can acceptably tell them to stop acting like a knob and the problem is resolved.

Exactly. In offices, it seems much more acceptable for whispered conversations to go on behind people's backs about a particular problem/gripe, which generally leads to a bigger issue down the line.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Reading up until this point, I was convinced we were talking about the same woman!

And she makes some disgusting noise sucking through her teeth. And she takes an hour to eat a sodding APPLE, taking one loud bite, then putting it down on her desk for ten minutes, before going back for another go, just when you've recovered from the first. And she has key-tones turned on, on her phone, so every time it sends a text it's like R2D2 is hidden under her bloody desk. Seriously, what is the point?

Fortunately, she only works 4 hours a day, of which, I'm at lunch for one.

I swear if she worked full time, I'd have to leave.

So, to today:

By 10.19am I'd already ticked off:

Singing to herself
Humming to herself
Sucking air between her teeth
Asking herself questions under her breath
Forced laughter at something completely unfunny the boss said

(She starts work at 10.00 btw)

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

When working in Southampton many years ago, I used to sit opposite a fat middle aged bespectacled frumpy old bag who used to bring loads of food in with her. And orange juice. I really wish she didn't - she'd get through GALLONS of the stuff daily, and it used to make her burp constantly. She literally burped all day, it was disgusting.

15 years ago I shared a department with an Asian gentleman who had massive hygiene issues. He once went to play squash with someone on the trading floor. When this chap realised he had forgotten his sports shirt, he played in his horrible frilly "white" (grimy) work shirt instead, then didn't bother showering after the 40 minute squash game, and finally returned to work wearing that very same shirt.

The bloke next to at work right now is also f**king smelly, and the worst kind of armchair Liverpool "fan". Apparently though, his nephew supports Liverpool and Chelsea, so he bought him a half and half Liverpool-Chelsea scarf which his nephew LOVES. That sort of all round cockery is what I have to put up with on a daily basis, as well as his revolting body odour which wafts in my direction every morning when he so much as lifts his arm of his desk.

Used to work with a guy, years ago, whose self hygiene issues were so bad that the armpits of all his shirts were discoloured and crusty. Leaving deodorant on his desk had no effect.

 

[Curious Orange]

Used to work with a guy, years ago, whose self hygiene issues were so bad that the armpits of all his shirts were discoloured and crusty. Leaving deodorant on his desk had no effect.

I see your problem there... you should have applied it to his armpits

 

[TSB]

Used to work with a guy, years ago, whose self hygiene issues were so bad that the armpits of all his shirts were discoloured and crusty. Leaving deodorant on his desk had no effect.

Did he resemble Captain Birdseye and have a Yorkshire accent, by any chance?

 

[Hillian1]

Used to work with a guy, years ago, whose self hygiene issues were so bad that the armpits of all his shirts were discoloured and crusty. Leaving deodorant on his desk had no effect.

One of our Directors (mid thirties) absolutely reeks, when you ask him a question he leans back and puts his hands behind his head to expose his armpits and the colour of his shirts there is green.

 

[spring hall convert]

Forced laughter at something completely unfunny the boss said

I don't know what I find more offensive - obvious arselickers - or bosses that aren't prepared to dig even an cm under the surface to understand that normally the biggest arselicker is the biggest pisstaker.

 

[somerset]

We are overrun with self important, power dressing P.A.'s ( aka secretaries).... they swan about like they own the place, and when in passing someone might actually have the temerity to suggest they are just a secretary..... us IT bods have a devil may care attitude to challenging authority, you may aswell have asked them if they had genital warts. We chuckle when listening to them booking trains, planes, auotomobiles and restaurants for their execs..... chuckle more when they fetch their dry cleaning, chuckle even more when they ring the wife/girlfriend to advise that his lordship is delayed etc............ but they still wonder around like they have shit on their upper lip.

 

[WhingForPresident]

My old boss was a right ****. Failed actress that knew nothing about the industry that the company was in, but happened to be married to the founder, who had been declared bankrupt in the past, so he had to put her down as the MD. Refused to listen to anything other than Radio 2, hummed ****ing Abba songs constantly, screamed at whoever made the tea if it wasn't full up to the top, blackmailed me into working an extra 10 hours a week unpaid etc. She actually used to start shaking with rage, which was somewhat amusing.

We were working with very important clientele, talking people with a lot of money and power, and she knew **** ALL about any of it. Went to a convention in St Petersburg and she started talking to huge potential allies/clients about her failed acting career and the time when she was once in Doctor Dolittle at Milton Keynes Theatre. Just WHAT A **** she was, a more abhorrent creature you simply could not imagine. ****.

I didn't know what the word hate meant 'til I came across this ****. Even our clients said she was a **** and numerous said they would never deal with us solely because of her.

Also her last job before becoming MD of this company was in ****ING STAPLES. I was 20 at the time, she was at least 50 and I was 100 times more qualified than she was.

I told her to shove the job up her ****ing arse. It was a dream job from the outside but **** me, I'm not working for a **** like that for anything.