Bell Cheeses at work

[The Fifth Column]

View attachment 77330

Just walked into the kitchen and found this spectacular piece of shite.

Does this person have a disability based around a sick fetish for chihuahas? Are they raising awareness of a chihuaha disability?

I'm getting increasingly wound up by a woman who is an Obsessive Compulsive Laugher, she chuckles, laughs, guffaws, giggles and sniggers after absolutely everything she says. FFS its irritating, she does it all the time. It doesn't matter what the subject is she's talking about she will laugh after every sentence, even if its a serious conversation!!

"Morning, haha"
"Oh hello"
"What you up to today hehehe"
"I'll be working as normal, its what I do here"
"Oh yeah me too hahahaha"
"You seem a bit grumpy haha"
"My dog died"
"Oh thats sad hehehaha"
"Yes it is, its not funny at all!"
"No of course not, very sad, you must be gutted hahaha"
etc etc etc

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

View attachment 77330

Just walked into the kitchen and found this spectacular piece of shite.

Does this person have a disability based around a sick fetish for chihuahas? Are they raising awareness of a chihuaha disability?

OOO we have loads of those type of Banter mugs....

We have a morbidly obese girl (Big Nads) who has a mug saying princess, I assume she means princess of the pies.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

OOO we have loads of those type of Banter mugs....

We have a morbidly obese girl (Big Nads) who has a mug saying princess, I assume she means princess of the pies.

Me - almost completely faded away 'Withdean Stadium 1999-2011'
Boss - plain yellow denby mug (former marine - straightforward chap)
Noise machine - 'Keep Calm and Carry On' type thing. The one thing (keep calm) that she is utterly incapable of.
Crisp Monster - 'I'm a GLEEk'. No. You're a massively annoying, fat , middle aged woman.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

Me - almost completely faded away 'Withdean Stadium 1999-2011'
Boss - plain yellow denby mug (former marine - straightforward chap)
Noise machine - 'Keep Calm and Carry On' type thing. The one thing (keep calm) that she is utterly incapable of.
Crisp Monster - 'I'm a GLEEk'. No. You're a massively annoying, fat , middle aged woman.

I make a point of trying to get one of those mugs, knowing it will will annoy them - Am I infact the bellcheese?

Are those keep calm mugs still a thing, I thought they went out of fashion?

Actually... that is a reminder.

Adults over the age of 40 openly discussing TV shows designed for younger people - Glee etc.

 

[spring hall convert]

The one thing (keep calm) that she is utterly incapable of.

I believe that is true of pretty much all people that persist in keeping this patronising tat in business. Bloody imbeciles. Same ***** that buy Minions merchandise.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I believe that is true of pretty much all people that persist in keeping this patronising tat in business. Bloody imbeciles. Same ***** that buy Minions merchandise.

Is Jiri the BC@W !?

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

The curse of Dunkin Donuts. One of the lardies in Accounts comes in with a big plastic coffee cup with about a gallon of coffee, ice cubes, ice cream and sprinkles in it. Said lardie then proceeds to slurp, suck and guzzle her way through the contents (no dainty ladylike sipping for her). About 10 minutes later she gets an attack of the munchies and starts working her way through a tray of donuts. Could this woman be any noisier? Her complaints about her weight and high blood pressure tend to fall on deaf ears. As management see her as a ‘team player’ she is, of course, untouchable.

 

[dazzer6666]

The curse of Dunkin Donuts. One of the lardies in Accounts comes in with a big plastic coffee cup with about a gallon of coffee, ice cubes, ice cream and sprinkles in it. Said lardie then proceeds to slurp, suck and guzzle her way through the contents (no dainty ladylike sipping for her). About 10 minutes later she gets an attack of the munchies and starts working her way through a tray of donuts. Could this woman be any noisier? Her complaints about her weight and high blood pressure tend to fall on deaf ears. As management see her as a ‘team player’ she is, of course, untouchable.

Certainly sounds untouchable. Even with yours [emoji23][emoji6][emoji3]

 

[Redundant Gigolo]

The curse of Dunkin Donuts. One of the lardies in Accounts comes in with a big plastic coffee cup with about a gallon of coffee, ice cubes, ice cream and sprinkles in it. Said lardie then proceeds to slurp, suck and guzzle her way through the contents (no dainty ladylike sipping for her). About 10 minutes later she gets an attack of the munchies and starts working her way through a tray of donuts. Could this woman be any noisier? Her complaints about her weight and high blood pressure tend to fall on deaf ears. As management see her as a ‘team player’ she is, of course, untouchable.

Almost identical situation here in Dallas. Three meat platter consumed every day by one particular Fattie. She wears a Fitbit watch and thinks that 1500 steps a day will work wonders. She'd need to scale Everest daily to shift her lard.

She wears high heels as well which make it look like two Yorkshire puddings squashed into egg cups.

And her cackling laugh. I'd run her over in a heart beat

 

[kevo]

I love it when you sit in one of these chairs by mistake.

All the chairs in our office look the same, even the special chairs designed to support the needy, I mistakenly took one of these the other days and adjusted it for me.

The person came in and went bat shit, I mean crazy bat shit.

I tried my hardest, but I couldn't stop myself laughing

We have this awful woman, who I have already mentioned in this thread for other reasons, who has a "special chair". Every day, when she comes in she complains that someone has either moved it or adjusted it - and then moans and moans about it all day, saying "why is it always my chair that gets moved?" etc etc. I am convinced she is mad. I sit near her and was the last person to leave one night and the first to arrive the next morning. No-one had touched her sodding chair. But she still claimed someone had deliberately moved it and she was unable to sit down without adjusting the settings. She is totally insufferable.

 

[happypig]

View attachment 77330

Just walked into the kitchen and found this spectacular piece of shite.

Does this person have a disability based around a sick fetish for chihuahas? Are they raising awareness of a chihuaha disability?

I'd have that straight in the bin (maybe knock the handle off first).
One of the benefits of shiftworking.

 

[Theatre of Trees]

We have this awful woman, who I have already mentioned in this thread for other reasons, who has a "special chair". Every day, when she comes in she complains that someone has either moved it or adjusted it - and then moans and moans about it all day, saying "why is it always my chair that gets moved?" etc etc. I am convinced she is mad. I sit near her and was the last person to leave one night and the first to arrive the next morning. No-one had touched her sodding chair. But she still claimed someone had deliberately moved it and she was unable to sit down without adjusting the settings. She is totally insufferable.

Seeing that she thinks someone is adjusting when they aren't you may as well adjust the thing just to annoy her.

 

[Brian Fantana]

Almost identical situation here in Dallas. Three meat platter consumed every day by one particular Fattie. She wears a Fitbit watch and thinks that 1500 steps a day will work wonders. She'd need to scale Everest daily to shift her lard.

She wears high heels as well which make it look like two Yorkshire puddings squashed into egg cups.

And her cackling laugh. I'd run her over in a heart beat

I particularly enjoyed this. More contributions from you please!

 

[Redundant Gigolo]

I particularly enjoyed this. More contributions from you please!

You're too kind.

Well early morning breakfast meetings are always interesting here. Breakfast meeting is really the time of the meeting. Coffee of course welcome in a meeting that starts at 7am.

Not for Fattie. Breakfast meeting is taken literally today. She waddles into the meeting this morning with two large boxes. Containing five breakfast tacos in one. These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds. Consumed like dolly mixture.

The second box is then opened with two large bagels. One with smoked salmon and cream cheese. Enough cream cheese to feed 1,000 starving children.

Down they both go. In seconds. Gobbled up with dropping cream cheese sliding down her fat slightly hairy chin.

Then the usual 10 litre bucket of coke starts to be slurped on.

At the end of the meeting she promptly decided to go for a cigarette. But not to worry. She's going to take the stairs not the lift.

300 steps you see. That'll shift the 3,000 calories she's buried by 7.45am.

I cannot tolerate her presence. Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing.

But it's the way she sneers at everyone around her and bitches about how some of the girls in the office dress like sluts.

A hateful hateful woman.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

You're too kind.

Well early morning breakfast meetings are always interesting here. Breakfast meeting is really the time of the meeting. Coffee of course welcome in a meeting that starts at 7am.

Not for Fattie. Breakfast meeting is taken literally today. She waddles into the meeting this morning with two large boxes. Containing five breakfast tacos in one. These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds. Consumed like dolly mixture.

The second box is then opened with two large bagels. One with smoked salmon and cream cheese. Enough cream cheese to feed 1,000 starving children.

Down they both go. In seconds. Gobbled up with dropping cream cheese sliding down her fat slightly hairy chin.

Then the usual 10 litre bucket of coke starts to be slurped on.

At the end of the meeting she promptly decided to go for a cigarette. But not to worry. She's going to take the stairs not the lift.

300 steps you see. That'll shift the 3,000 calories she's buried by 7.45am.

I cannot tolerate her presence. Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing.

But it's the way she sneers at everyone around her and bitches about how some of the girls in the office dress like sluts.

A hateful hateful woman.

Two questions (that I'm sure will lead to more);

- How old is this wobbling netherbeast?

- What on earth is a breakfast taco and how many is too many to be acceptable in one sitting?

 

[seagull_in_malaysia]

You're too kind.

Well early morning breakfast meetings are always interesting here. Breakfast meeting is really the time of the meeting. Coffee of course welcome in a meeting that starts at 7am.

Not for Fattie. Breakfast meeting is taken literally today. She waddles into the meeting this morning with two large boxes. Containing five breakfast tacos in one. These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds. Consumed like dolly mixture.

The second box is then opened with two large bagels. One with smoked salmon and cream cheese. Enough cream cheese to feed 1,000 starving children.

Down they both go. In seconds. Gobbled up with dropping cream cheese sliding down her fat slightly hairy chin.

Then the usual 10 litre bucket of coke starts to be slurped on.

At the end of the meeting she promptly decided to go for a cigarette. But not to worry. She's going to take the stairs not the lift.

300 steps you see. That'll shift the 3,000 calories she's buried by 7.45am.

I cannot tolerate her presence. Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing.

But it's the way she sneers at everyone around her and bitches about how some of the girls in the office dress like sluts.

A hateful hateful woman.

That is genuinely repulsive.

 

[Danny-Boy]

Two questions (that I'm sure will lead to more);

- How old is this wobbling netherbeast?

- What on earth is a breakfast taco and how many is too many to be acceptable in one sitting?

Add: how long have you been married to her?

 

[Ninja Elephant]

It's safe to say that [MENTION=33866]Redundant Gigolo[/MENTION] has become my favourite poster. Outstanding one liners.

"I'd run her over in a heart beat"
"These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds"
" Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing."

Bravo.

I've discovered that one of the "Leads" (she couldn't lead a stag do to a strip club, but that's not important right now) has been claiming 15 minutes into the timebank EVERY morning this year. She allegedly gets here at 7:15 (can't prove it one way or the other as she's the first here) and begins work promptly at 7:15 despite her shift starting at 7:30. By claiming this time, she generates enough time in the bank for a full day off every 6 weeks. Personally, I find this outrageous given the lack of work she does anyway, but as the person who is solely responsible for managing this timebank fiasco, I find it highly controversial and bordering on being fraudulent. Other people also get here before their shift starts but are not allowed to claim the additional time. In what way is this fair? I've kicked off about it, obviously, and our "Team Leader" (What do you a call a leader with no followers? Just a guy taking a walk...) is mounting a defence of one of his favourites, he doesn't see the problem with it but will "talk to her about it" when she returns from her holiday this week, which ironically includes one day used from the timebank! Shambles. She's also one of these who dominates her desk (we're meant to be a hotdesking environment...) with all sorts of crap, even when she's not in the office. I'm afraid to say someone has lost the picture of her with her dogs, and some strange desk ornaments have disappeared.

But not to worry, I have a feeling a ransom note will appear when she returns and there will be teasers about where the ****ing things are.

 

[Redundant Gigolo]

Well I can't really describe a taco. It's about the size of a small hot dog, contains scrambled egg some sort of sausage pattie and three strips of smoked bacon. Add to that some peppers and onion and the smell alone at 7am is nauseous.

One is enough. Five just appalling.

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.

Topped off with the judgmental attitude you'd need to be miss world to carry off.

Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

I despise her.

 

[Gwylan]

Well I can't really describe a taco. It's about the size of a small hot dog, contains scrambled egg some sort of sausage pattie and three strips of smoked bacon. Add to that some peppers and onion and the smell alone at 7am is nauseous.

One is enough. Five just appalling.

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.

Topped off with the judgmental attitude you'd need to be miss world to carry off.

Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

I despise her.

Shakespeare knew her.

"... I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE
How dost thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
That's a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What's her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her ..."