Bell Cheeses at work

[bhanutz]

Well I can't really describe a taco. It's about the size of a small hot dog, contains scrambled egg some sort of sausage pattie and three strips of smoked bacon. Add to that some peppers and onion and the smell alone at 7am is nauseous.

One is enough. Five just appalling.

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.

Topped off with the judgmental attitude you'd need to be miss world to carry off.

Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

I despise her.

Judging by the amount it eats, it probably won't be around for too much longer...

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Thank god i work alone-outside.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

It's safe to say that [MENTION=33866]Redundant Gigolo[/MENTION] has become my favourite poster. Outstanding one liners.

"I'd run her over in a heart beat"
"These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds"
" Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing."

Bravo.

I've discovered that one of the "Leads" (she couldn't lead a stag do to a strip club, but that's not important right now) has been claiming 15 minutes into the timebank EVERY morning this year.

I second that observation Ninje, and laud you for introducing me to "timebank." Maybe because I am at the End of the World and this splendid gem of jargon has passed me by, but Timebank is a thing of wonder for us far-flung bellcheese spectators and enthusiasts. I cannot wait to employ this in my next staffy, and share this brilliant nonsense with some stunned rock-dwelling colonials.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

Shakespeare knew her.

"... I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS
OF SYRACUSE
How dost thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
That's a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What's her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her ..."

Oh, I say sir. That is extremely well played. The combination of bellcheesery, sharp observation, and high-end culturation is truly a thing of beauty.

 

[dazzer6666]

Well I can't really describe a taco. It's about the size of a small hot dog, contains scrambled egg some sort of sausage pattie and three strips of smoked bacon. Add to that some peppers and onion and the smell alone at 7am is nauseous.

One is enough. Five just appalling.

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.

Topped off with the judgmental attitude you'd need to be miss world to carry off.

Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

I despise her.

You're hiding it well though [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Have to agree with [MENTION=13055]Ninja Elephant[/MENTION] - just catching up with this thread and your posts have made me spit red wine over my ipad. Well played matey.

Gunt. Priceless [emoji122][emoji122][emoji122][emoji122][emoji122][emoji122]

 

[Bodian]

As management see her as a ‘team player’ she is, of course, untouchable.

Can we start a whole new thread for these people? They are the worst of all - absolutely shite at their actual job, but can spout all the corporate bollocks perfectly (The 'Vision', the 'Mission', and all the other stuff those of us who do proper work really don't care about). Impossible to get rid of, even in a brutal restructure.

 

[Norman Potting]

Well I can't really describe a taco. It's about the size of a small hot dog, contains scrambled egg some sort of sausage pattie and three strips of smoked bacon. Add to that some peppers and onion and the smell alone at 7am is nauseous.

One is enough. Five just appalling.

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.

Topped off with the judgmental attitude you'd need to be miss world to carry off.

Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

I despise her.

Pictures

 

[Redundant Gigolo]

Can we start a whole new thread for these people? They are the worst of all - absolutely shite at their actual job, but can spout all the corporate bollocks perfectly (The 'Vision', the 'Mission', and all the other stuff those of us who do proper work really don't care about). Impossible to get rid of, even in a brutal restructure.

Before I say this I actually love working for the Americans in Dallas. Really good bunch and love their sport and their beer and Dallas is home to some of the most outstandingly jaw-droppingly hot women. From black women to Hispanics to tall blondes it's just a smorgasbord of clunge.

However the downside is the drivel that comes out in meetings. From the well-states reaching out and connecting with to downright hideous desire to personally empower and enfranchise employee engagement and deliver world class game changing customer experience and satisfaction.

And hen delivering a project late and over budget. And still pounding on about the above. Hypocrisy at its worst.

It's also the male uniform that seems de rigour to wear. Chino slacks that sit in folds on their shoes as they're too long.

Shirts with children school vests on underneath

Jackets that have been bought eight sizes too large almost encouraging Them all to eat their way into a well fitted wardrobe.

And the dreadful shoes. Slip on shoes with tassels that make them look like a cross between Jimmy savilles PR man from the 70's and a hip dad trying to dress for a school prom. Utterly woeful.

But trust me. The clunge and the weather and the epic bars and rooftop cocktail bars more than make up for it. Having worked in New York and San Fran I was kind of dreading Dallas.

But I love it. Absolutely love it.

And a 90 minute flight return for $130 and you're in cancun or the surrounding islands for a long weekend drinking Mexican ice cold beer for $2 on beautiful beaches staring at......

Yep. More clunge

 

[dazzer6666]

Before I say this I actually love working for the Americans in Dallas. Really good bunch and love their sport and their beer and Dallas is home to some of the most outstandingly jaw-droppingly hot women. From black women to Hispanics to tall blondes it's just a smorgasbord of clunge.

However the downside is the drivel that comes out in meetings. From the well-states reaching out and connecting with to downright hideous desire to personally empower and enfranchise employee engagement and deliver world class game changing customer experience and satisfaction.

And hen delivering a project late and over budget. And still pounding on about the above. Hypocrisy at its worst.

It's also the male uniform that seems de rigour to wear. Chino slacks that sit in folds on their shoes as they're too long.

Shirts with children school vests on underneath

Jackets that have been bought eight sizes too large almost encouraging Them all to eat their way into a well fitted wardrobe.

And the dreadful shoes. Slip on shoes with tassels that make them look like a cross between Jimmy savilles PR man from the 70's and a hip dad trying to dress for a school prom. Utterly woeful.

But trust me. The clunge and the weather and the epic bars and rooftop cocktail bars more than make up for it. Having worked in New York and San Fran I was kind of dreading Dallas.

But I love it. Absolutely love it.

And a 90 minute flight return for $130 and you're in cancun or the surrounding islands for a long weekend drinking Mexican ice cold beer for $2 on beautiful beaches staring at......

Yep. More clunge

Not much gunt ?

 

[AmexRuislip]

It's her gunt that makes me physically wretch.

And by gunt I mean the pet of her anatomy where her gut and her nether regions meet in one wobbly layered globual of lard.

Her five hairy Chins. Her fat krankles her greasy hair and beady little crow-like eyes.


Not eat the world. Which is probably what's she's considering right now as she sets about a 24 inch pizza for lunch.

Phew, glad she wasn't in the Pizza Express in Oxford today, would have been quite a surreal moment!

 

[Bodian]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

 

[Da Man Clay]

Jesus. That is wonderful bellcheesery.

 

[Badger]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

That last line is just BEGGING for some "constructive" feedback to be given.

Seriously though, what on EARTH kind of investigation do they do to establish the cause? Did they conduct interviews with all the staff involved? Look at CCTV footage of the incident?

If I was in charge of the email it would go along the lines of:

"All,

Use common sense when taking hot drinks into a meeting.

Regards"

 

[Bodian]

That last line is just BEGGING for some "constructive" feedback to be given.

Seriously though, what on EARTH kind of investigation do they do to establish the cause? Did they conduct interviews with all the staff involved? Look at CCTV footage of the incident?

If I was in charge of the email it would go along the lines of:

"All,

Use common sense when taking hot drinks into a meeting.

Regards"

Quite.

When I got this I was undecided as to whether it was a bit of a mickey-take, because it's the sort of thing I could sit down and write if I wanted to do a spoof. But it's come from someone pretty senior in our organisation, so I'm not sure it can be. If it is, then he is having a very public dig at the person who had the unpleasantness of tea being spilt on them - and I can see that lightly ridiculing someone like this could upset them if they were sensitive, leading on to grievances and all that sort of thing, so why would he take that risk?? So, I'm leaning towards it being wholly serious.

 

[dazzer6666]

Quite.

When I got this I was undecided as to whether it was a bit of a mickey-take, because it's the sort of thing I could sit down and write if I wanted to do a spoof. But it's come from someone pretty senior in our organisation, so I'm not sure it can be. If it is, then he is having a very public dig at the person who had the unpleasantness of tea being spilt on them - and I can see that lightly ridiculing someone like this could upset them if they were sensitive, leading on to grievances and all that sort of thing, so why would he take that risk?? So, I'm leaning towards it being wholly serious.

It could still be a sly dig - sort of 'look at what your complaint resulted in you ******, hope you're pleased with yourself........' - but written to appear dead serious to avoid further issues.

Will someone be checking the temperature of drinks brought into meetings now ?

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

Please, please, please, please reply requesting clarification as to whether cold or non hot drinks can be taken into the meetings and let us know how you get on.

 

[happypig]

20-odd years ago we were forbidden from having drinks on our desks because there had been THREE incidents of people needing new keyboards due to spilages (in an office of about 60 people. We were told if we wanted a drink we were to go to the canteen to drink it. So, three keyboards at a tenner each meant about 60 man hours a day were lost for the best part of a year.

Back to the hot drinks in the boardroom, what is the safe cut-off temperature, and are tomee-tipee style baby cups ok ?

 

[Cosmic Joker]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

Please, please, please, please reply requesting clarification as to whether cold or non hot drinks can be taken into the meetings and let us know how you get on.

I suggest a query relating to the possibility of bringing in hot drinks in thermos flasks and re-attaching the screw on top between taking sips to mitigate the risk would be a positive and constructive move.

 

[dazzer6666]

I suggest a query relating to the possibility of bringing in hot drinks in thermos flasks and re-attaching the screw on top between taking sips to mitigate the risk would be a positive and constructive move.

Would need to undergo a risk assessment, followed by a period of full testing. Results of both would then need to be 'popped into the mixer' to decide on 'the way forward'.........I imagine some form of mandatory Hot Beverage Handling training course could be implemented, with successful delegates being given their Hot Refreshments in Meetings licence, renewable every 3 years providing no incidents have arisen and they re-pass the refresher training.

 

[MattBackHome]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

This is just fantastic.