Bell Cheeses at work

[GoldWithFalmer]

and are tomee-tipee style baby cups ok ?

Anti Colic ones should be,just bring extra nappies.

 

[Badger]

You're too kind.

Well early morning breakfast meetings are always interesting here. Breakfast meeting is really the time of the meeting. Coffee of course welcome in a meeting that starts at 7am.

Not for Fattie. Breakfast meeting is taken literally today. She waddles into the meeting this morning with two large boxes. Containing five breakfast tacos in one. These are promptly inhaled by the wheezing mess in seconds. Consumed like dolly mixture.

The second box is then opened with two large bagels. One with smoked salmon and cream cheese. Enough cream cheese to feed 1,000 starving children.

Down they both go. In seconds. Gobbled up with dropping cream cheese sliding down her fat slightly hairy chin.

Then the usual 10 litre bucket of coke starts to be slurped on.

At the end of the meeting she promptly decided to go for a cigarette. But not to worry. She's going to take the stairs not the lift.

300 steps you see. That'll shift the 3,000 calories she's buried by 7.45am.

I cannot tolerate her presence. Walking past her in the corridor you can hear the sound of chafing.

But it's the way she sneers at everyone around her and bitches about how some of the girls in the office dress like sluts.

A hateful hateful woman.

Oh these kinds of posts are a wonder to behold

I'm just imaging the reaction of everyone else:

"Ah I see you've brought breakfast in for us all, that's very ki... Oh, oh I see... Well I wasn't that hungry anyway."

 

[Cian]

20-odd years ago we were forbidden from having drinks on our desks because there had been THREE incidents of people needing new keyboards due to spilages (in an office of about 60 people. We were told if we wanted a drink we were to go to the canteen to drink it. So, three keyboards at a tenner each meant about 60 man hours a day were lost for the best part of a year.

Back to the hot drinks in the boardroom, what is the safe cut-off temperature, and are tomee-tipee style baby cups ok ?

I had to bring that rule in the last job as it was £1,500 fader panels they were killing each time. Its fecking ridiculous if its just normal HW getting damaged.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

First class. Even to the point it's a month after the event to point out the obvious. The absolute point of this thread.

 

[Bodian]

First class. Even to the point it's a month after the event to point out the obvious. The absolute point of this thread.

And you were the starter of this thread - which has given me two years of merriment. I thank you for it.

 

[sams dad]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

"...can you cascade this to your respective teams..."
Sounds like something David Brent would have said.
Boy, am I glad that I'm a bricklayer and don't have to put up with this corporate bullshit.

 

[Gwylan]

Received this today. Yes - it says 'July' - it isn't early April.

Accident at July LT meeting - investigation outputs & new drinks policy

All,

Those of you at the 29th July Leadership Team meeting in the Boardroom will have witnessed the accident that resulted in one of our colleagues having a hot drink accidently split over them – fortunately no injuries were sustained (other than to the trousers). I thought it would be useful to update you all on our accident investigation since then and what we have now decided to do.

We have undertaken a full investigation into the accident and have concluded that the root cause was that the act of bringing hot drinks into a meeting where there are no associated tables on which to place cups is inherently unsafe. Following recommendations discussed at yesterday’s Strategic Leadership team meeting it has been decided that we will cease such a practice for the style of chair layout set up for that meeting. For clarity the policy going forward for future meetings in the Boardroom, or other meetings rooms across the Authority, is as follows:

· Where chairs at set up in circular or cinema/theatre layout, with no associated tables on which drinks can be placed safely, then hot drinks must not be taken into the meeting.

· Where chairs are laid out around a table layout, where there is the facility to place cups in a safe manner, then hot drinks can be taken into the meeting.

We will be putting out an awareness communication across the organisation during September, but in the meantime can you cascade this to your respective teams and ensure that where you are attending such meetings you ensure this new policy is applied please.

If you have any queries please come back to me"

Late to this but I think this wins the thread,

So many questions: What about lukewarm drinks - is there a maximum temperature?
What if someone wanted to bring a portable table to place his/her mug on?
How do you know what the seating is before you go to the meeting? If you have a hot drink thinking it's boardroom and it's theatre, where do you put the cup?
What happens if one the attendees is a guest who has brought his/her own drink?
Do you really get paid to come up with this rubbish?

 

[yorkshire seagull]

Late to this but I think this wins the thread,

So many questions: What about lukewarm drinks - is there a maximum temperature?
What if someone wanted to bring a portable table to place his/her mug on?
How do you know what the seating is before you go to the meeting? If you have a hot drink thinking it's boardroom and it's theatre, where do you put the cup?
What happens if one the attendees is a guest who has brought his/her own drink?
Do you really get paid to come up with this rubbish?

Following an office refurb at my old place of work, our Facilities management team set up a new rule whereby no hot food would be allowed at desks. This resulted in the 'manager' at the time walking round literally placing his hands on our sandwiches to see if they were hot or cold. Of course, this then caused ridiculous arguments amongst the more pedantic of us (my personal one was my toasted croissant which I had allowed to cool - was this allowed?), including a stand-up row over whether soup should be classified as a hot drink or a hot food.

I forget how it all ended, but there was a period where you'd see staff (including senior execs) stood in the toilets eating bacon sandwiches at breakfast time.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Following an office refurb at my old place of work, our Facilities management team set up a new rule whereby no hot food would be allowed at desks. This resulted in the 'manager' at the time walking round literally placing his hands on our sandwiches to see if they were hot or cold. Of course, this then caused ridiculous arguments amongst the more pedantic of us (my personal one was my toasted croissant which I had allowed to cool - was this allowed?), including a stand-up row over whether soup should be classified as a hot drink or a hot food.

I forget how it all ended, but there was a period where you'd see staff (including senior execs) stood in the toilets eating bacon sandwiches at breakfast time.

I hope your manager washes their hands, mine would not get his mitts on my food, hot or cold.

 

[Gwylan]

This resulted in the 'manager' at the time walking round literally placing his hands on our sandwiches to see if they were hot or cold.

Jeez, the ways that managers seek to justify their existence never cease to amaze me.

My last company had that rule too. But then, it acquired a company and, to fit in the extra staff, it did away with the kitchen area, so were back at eating at our desks. (it then made a load of redundancies and lost half the staff so there are all these desks and no-one in them)

 

[spring hall convert]

I've moaned about this chap before.

We have a guy on our team who seems to exist to find new and more inventive ways of actually not working to the extent that I think that sometimes he works harder on not working than he would actually doing what was expected of him. Our manager, who is a lovely man but laisse-faire to a fault is aware, will bring him up from time to time, he'll cleanup his act for a month or two and then go back to being useless. He happens to be extremely good at knowing which arses to lick and how to present himself in such a way that makes him look indespendible, which you can imagine to someone who doesn't play those games at all, is beyond frustrating.

He'll come to me and ask if I can do him a favour on occasion. Now unless he is the worst at picking up signals or I am a lot better at hiding my anger/revulsion/frustration than I thought, he must know I don't have any time for him. Furthermore, we have an unofficial buddying system whereby you cover each others work if necessary. Suffice to say I'm not his buddy, the thought sends chills down my spine. Therefore, he has no real legitimate avenue to pass his work off to me.

Our boss has been off a couple of weeks and I think this chap may have got the impression that I'm in charge, I'm not. He does the 'Can I ask a favour?' thing which gets me immediately suspicious. This guy has English as a second language and he tells me the name of someone he has been asked to call is too funny in his language to keep a straight face. Might I add this chap is in his mid-40's. I tell him to get lost, I've been through this before, there normally turns out to be an ulterior motive.

10 minutes later a colleague messages me saying that they've agreed to do it for him so out of interest I ask who the person we need to call is? I do my best to find how this name was funny and can find no evidence online. I also recognise the name of person, find their business and lo and behold they've been waiting for a call forever so the likelihood is the person who calls them is going to get grief.

In my excitement at uncovering this duplicitous behaviour, I immediately message my colleague to tell them the news. And to my horror, realise I've sent the message to the wrong person and the recipient of my missive, also happens to be the recipient of my ire.

He gets back from lunch in 10 minutes. It could be an interesting end to my Friday afternoon.

 

[dazzer6666]

I've moaned about this chap before.

We have a guy on our team who seems to exist to find new and more inventive ways of actually not working to the extent that I think that sometimes he works harder on not working than he would actually doing what was expected of him. Our manager, who is a lovely man but laisse-faire to a fault is aware, will bring him up from time to time, he'll cleanup his act for a month or two and then go back to being useless. He happens to be extremely good at knowing which arses to lick and how to present himself in such a way that makes him look indespendible, which you can imagine to someone who doesn't play those games at all, is beyond frustrating.

He'll come to me and ask if I can do him a favour on occasion. Now unless he is the worst at picking up signals or I am a lot better at hiding my anger/revulsion/frustration than I thought, he must know I don't have any time for him. Furthermore, we have an unofficial buddying system whereby you cover each others work if necessary. Suffice to say I'm not his buddy, the thought sends chills down my spine. Therefore, he has no real legitimate avenue to pass his work off to me.

Our boss has been off a couple of weeks and I think this chap may have got the impression that I'm in charge, I'm not. He does the 'Can I ask a favour?' thing which gets me immediately suspicious. This guy has English as a second language and he tells me the name of someone he has been asked to call is too funny in his language to keep a straight face. Might I add this chap is in his mid-40's. I tell him to get lost, I've been through this before, there normally turns out to be an ulterior motive.

10 minutes later a colleague messages me saying that they've agreed to do it for him so out of interest I ask who the person we need to call is? I do my best to find how this name was funny and can find no evidence online. I also recognise the name of person, find their business and lo and behold they've been waiting for a call forever so the likelihood is the person who calls them is going to get grief.

In my excitement at uncovering this duplicitous behaviour, I immediately message my colleague to tell them the news. And to my horror, realise I've sent the message to the wrong person and the recipient of my missive, also happens to be the recipient of my ire.

He gets back from lunch in 10 minutes. It could be an interesting end to my Friday afternoon.

How's it going ?

 

[spring hall convert]

How's it going ?

Think I've successfully called his bluff. Not a peep

 

[dazzer6666]

Think I've successfully called his bluff. Not a peep

He's probably in the toilet, crying.

 

[Ninja Elephant]

So today I'm having to listen to what can only be described as a "Thick Off" between a Brummie and a woman biding her time before retirement having sat in the same job for 30 years without attempting to master it in any form. She should be the oracle, but she's a long way short. I think the Brummie is winning because of the accent, seriously, shut the hell up man or learn how to speak without sounding like an imbecile, but the woman is really running him close. I work in Fraud and I've been listening to her discussing an obviously stupid and invalid claim but she's too dumb to put the pieces together. It is pitiful to listen to and I almost think the guy making this claim is almost starting to feel bad about it, because she's so stupid he could basically say anything and she'll just blindly go along with it. She's a fool. The bloke is just a total loser, constantly talking about MMA and boxing like an expert without any technical knowledge and he is laughably trying to chat up the new girl, whose boyfriend sits a row behind and loves it because, for a start, the kid is a Brummie and secondly it's wonderful awkward because the poor girl has been in the job about 2 minutes and already she has more understanding than he has, who has been struggling for over a year.

Awful, awful people.

 

[Hiney]

Every time this thread pops up, my heart literally LEAPS with joy.

Not just at the sheer HILARITY of all the stories, but at the huge RELIEF I feel at having left all this corporate SHIT behind when I left my job with a High St Bank.

I now work for a local charity on much less money, but infinitely more HAPPINESS.

I salute those of you that continue to tolerate the corporate NONSENSE. Please, please please continue to share your stories.

 

[Notters]

Every time this thread pops up, my heart literally LEAPS with joy.

Not just at the sheer HILARITY of all the stories, but at the huge RELIEF I feel at having left all this corporate SHIT behind when I left my job with a High St Bank.

I now work for a local charity on much less money, but infinitely more HAPPINESS.

I salute those of you that continue to tolerate the corporate NONSENSE. Please, please please continue to share your stories.

My heart LEAPT with joy to find your post which is distinctly lacking in bellcheesery, disgraceful.

 

[Brian Fantana]

We've had a proper workplace FLOUNCE today, unlike anything I've ever witnessed. A few months ago we recruited for an apprentice to come and join a newly set up department, WITH THE POTENTIAL to manage things if business in that area takes off. Since day one, this chap has been going around telling everyone, and introducing himself to clients and visitors, as the manager.

Most people have been casually sniggering about this for weeks, but without saying anything directly to him, as it's been pretty harmless. Today, an email goes around from the Group Finance Director outlining budget allocation for next year's spending pots per deparment. The figure for the new department was directed to the guy who actually has responsibility for it rather than the apprentice (who was included on the email chain). His bold move was to reply-all to the email thread and basically correct the GFD saying that as he was managing the new department, the budget should have been discussed with him in the first instance. You could almost hear a collective intake of breath from everyone in the building when this little missive dropped into our inboxes.

The GFD replied, putting him well in his place and reminding everyone that he was an apprentice, still on his probation and certainly not in any position of management or authority. I was actually cringing in my chair, thinking how I'd feel if I'd been on the end of this.

The apprentice packed up his things instantly, told everyone that he'd be undermined from day one, misled about the role he was undertaking and generally how unfair the whole world was.

Textbook flounce.

 

[happypig]

We've had a proper workplace FLOUNCE today, unlike anything I've ever witnessed. A few months ago we recruited for an apprentice to come and join a newly set up department, WITH THE POTENTIAL to manage things if business in that area takes off. Since day one, this chap has been going around telling everyone, and introducing himself to clients and visitors, as the manager.

Most people have been casually sniggering about this for weeks, but without saying anything directly to him, as it's been pretty harmless. Today, an email goes around from the Group Finance Director outlining budget allocation for next year's spending pots per deparment. The figure for the new department was directed to the guy who actually has responsibility for it rather than the apprentice (who was included on the email chain). His bold move was to reply-all to the email thread and basically correct the GFD saying that as he was managing the new department, the budget should have been discussed with him in the first instance. You could almost hear a collective intake of breath from everyone in the building when this little missive dropped into our inboxes.

The GFD replied, putting him well in his place and reminding everyone that he was an apprentice, still on his probation and certainly not in any position of management or authority. I was actually cringing in my chair, thinking how I'd feel if I'd been on the end of this.

The apprentice packed up his things instantly, told everyone that he'd be undermined from day one, misled about the role he was undertaking and generally how unfair the whole world was.

Textbook flounce.

What's the betting that he comes in tomorrow, probably after a telling off from his mum ?

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

I have a colleague who asks the dreaded "How was your weekend" or "What are you up to tonight".

He has LITERALLY no interest in my answer and is purely setting the scene to tell me how BUSY he is this weekend and that he may have to take Monday off "to have a rest".

I've now resorted to just lying and saying things like "Sky diving" or "learning how to become a bull fighter" in an attempt to stop him from asking.