Appeal.................

[DerbyGull]

I dont know if many on here are adopted or would admit it, as i have found that not many people are open about that a stigma they feel which is sad as being adopted is not a bad thing at all. But what i found was that after i was adopted i see a social worker for a little while and that was it, then it was kind of like ya on your own, by the time i had hit 13/14 i started asking questions i was told nothing by my parents for a while they felt i was not ready when i got to 16/17 i found my dads death certificate, it said pretty much that he hung himself, rocked me to the bones that did finding that out then i was told everything, kind of felt maybe my adopted parents should have got some help telling me looking back now, but what i do feel is that there is a huge gap is care there, in the space of being adopted and the being old enough to understand what has gone on.

I get alot of shit for not working at the moment, but its impossible il admit one day i could wake up and in a sense run the london marathon but on another day i could find myself at the cliffs wanting to jump.

Its sad in a way, and this is going to sound a little mental, but i do really really want to die, im in so much pain inside, people dont get it councillors dont get even family dont, but i cant die i have to much to give, its such a horrible conflict to be in, i want to be dead but i know i cant be as i have something i want to give back.

I going to stop typing getting upset time for bed.

I would never touch sleeping pills. Yea is a case wanting to ask questions? And forgive the past etc? So you can move on. I'm going to do a silent retreat in the new year hopefully to find answers to questions etc. it's not for everyone I guess but might be helpful?

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I would never touch sleeping pills. Yea is a case wanting to ask questions? And forgive the past etc? So you can move on. I'm going to do a silent retreat in the new year hopefully to find answers to questions etc. it's not for everyone I guess but might be helpful?

Sleeping pills and depressive people should never mix.

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

Sleeping pills and depressive people should never mix.

Agreed. Makes me feel worse.

 

[DerbyGull]

Sleeping pills and depressive people should never mix.

Yep, which is why I wouldn't touch them.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Agreed. Makes me feel worse.

I've never taken them. I think if I was having a bad day I'd eat the whole packet. NOT the answer. I hate to sound all 'NHS-y' but there is a thing they call 'sleep hygiene'. Looking after your sleep pattern, basically. Google it, lots of good tips. I fall asleep to Karl Pilkington talking utter shit, these days. I drop right off

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

I've never taken them. I think if I was having a bad day I'd eat the whole packet. NOT the answer. I hate to sound all 'NHS-y' but there is a thing they call 'sleep hygiene'. Looking after your sleep pattern, basically. Google it, lots of good tips. I fall asleep to Karl Pilkington talking utter shit, these days. I drop right off

Could listen to Gus doing the same

My sleeping pattern is f***ed. Suffer with depression, dyspraxia and I'm convinced I'm insomniac. Depression and 'insomnia' are linked to something I went through a couple years back, the dyspraxia just worsens it - but no matter what I do I can never drop off.

I tried sleeping pills, and i just went to sleep but with the same shit going through my mind, and felt as low as I ever have felt upon waking up.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I'm convinced I'm insomniac.

I thought I was, I'd stay awake till about 6am and then go to work at 7am for an 8 hour shift, but when I came home I'd sleep for about 12 hours. I think that's just one hell of a f***ed up sleep pattern, rather than insomnia?

 

[DerbyGull]

I hope that guy is ok. Would be nice to have some clarity. Dwelling on our emotions is a dangerous thing, the hardest thing is controlling emotions rather than them controlling you.

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

I thought I was, I'd stay awake till about 6am and then go to work at 7am for an 8 hour shift, but when I came home I'd sleep for about 12 hours. I think that's just one hell of a f***ed up sleep pattern, rather than insomnia?

Well with me, I'll be totally knackered but even when I get home I just cannot sleep no matter what I try? If its a bad sleeping pattern, it's seriously f***ed!

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

I hope that guy is ok. Would be nice to have some clarity. Dwelling on our emotions is a dangerous thing, the hardest thing is controlling emotions rather than them controlling you.

Agree with this, especially hoping the guys alright.

BTW mate are you the same Derbygull who posts on the BBS?

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Well with me, I'll be totally knackered but even when I get home I just cannot sleep no matter what I try? If its a bad sleeping pattern, it's seriously f***ed!

I know that feeling too. Once did a 18 hour shift and came home knackered. As soon as my head hit the pillow my mind started racing. You get one thought in your head and then it goes off on a million different 'what if', 'why didn't' tangents. Sound familiar? I just sleep when my head will let me.

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

I know that feeling too. Once did a 18 hour shift and came home knackered. As soon as my head hit the pillow my mind started racing. You get one thought in your head and then it goes off on a million different 'what if', 'why didn't' tangents. Sound familiar? I just sleep when my head will let me.

That is me down to a 't'. Like I say I'm 99% certain of what it's traced back to.
Problem is when I cant sleep I think way too much, get too emotional and end up doing silly things I regret to make me feel even worse.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

that is me down to a 't'. Like i say i'm 99% certain of what it's traced back to.
Problem is when i cant sleep i think way too much, get too emotional and end up doing silly things i regret to make me feel even worse.

FFS Murray, go to sleep!

 

[Holmesdale_Lad]

FFS Murray, go to sleep!

Ive been trying since 11!

 

[DerbyGull]

Agree with this, especially hoping the guys alright.

BTW mate are you the same Derbygull who posts on the BBS?

Yea same person. Only recently started looking at bbs again. Although people don't agree with me, I liken our succumbing to our emotions as letting satan control us. As a depressive I feel quite powerless alot of the time to get happy and reach my potential. And I see this as a victory for him the longer I do nothing to conquer it.

 

[Gwylan]

I dont know if many on here are adopted or would admit it, as i have found that not many people are open about that a stigma they feel which is sad as being adopted is not a bad thing at all. But what i found was that after i was adopted i see a social worker for a little while and that was it, then it was kind of like ya on your own, by the time i had hit 13/14 i started asking questions i was told nothing by my parents

There's been a lot of research on this and these days it's generally regarded as a good idea for adopted kids to be given more information about birth parents. Our kids are adopted and we try to be open as possible with them and help them through their pain. We know it's going to be tough when they reach teenagehood though.

It sounds like you went through a particularly bad experience and hope you continue to turn that corner and see a clear road ahead of you.

 

[brunswick]

never get professional help in these instances - they give anti-D pills which f*** you up.

goto a shaman and drink some ayahuasca - i guarantee it will renew you with a feeling of overwhelming gratitude.

in the short term, accupuncture, massage, holistic healing, and comedy will all help.

the karma with taking ones own life is really bad, i really do not recommend it.

 

[Gus is god]

Assume zopiclone...?

yeah 7.5mg so i cant take any more

 

[Gus is god]

I will add lads while i dont want to be alive any more, there is not a chance im going to end it, i came to terms with these and have accepted that death is not the answer, i have said to my self that i will battle every day to beat this, its not going to be pretty at all im sure there are going to be tears, but i ant going to give up, im pretty sure in 7months time when my new child turns up my world will light up, i am nervous the stress will send me like last time, but i have a fantastic mental health team that will keep a very close eye on me.

I know i sound completely barmy lol, but i have never and i mean never laid a finger on anyone else apart from myself, if i did or felt i was going to i would lock myself up in seconds.

Once i was feeling so rough i took my self to hospital to self admit to the ward, and they wouldnt let me i was not a big enough risk to myself? the fact i was telling them if i didnt i was going to kill myself and had try to do so many previous times.

I would also like to say thanks to the PM's i received, sorry if i worried anyone last night, i was upset but only as i typed things and read them back and it made me realise f***ing hell, i was not going to self harm.

 

[Samej]

Just given you negative rep - you utter twat..

That will learn him.