Do you use the CIGAR CUTTER when having a DUMP?

[Titanic]

...she said can i come upstairs to help her, well i am not kidding, she had about 10 inches of solid poo in the basin that had got stuck and was going no where..

the basin?? couldn't she just use the loo like rest of us, or is this yet another WOMAN thing I don't understand?

 

[Simster]

It seems like a good time for this:

No. A better time for that would be when you next had time to put up the poll question "what did your last turd look like?"

Perhaps El Pres could do it?

 

[El Presidente]

the basin?? couldn't she just use the loo like rest of us, or is this yet another WOMAN thing I don't understand?

Perhaps she was putting on her lipstick at the time, some women can multi-task after all.

 

[El Presidente]

No. A better time for that would be when you next had time to put up the poll question "what did your last turd look like?"

Perhaps El Pres could do it?

I couldn't do all seven at once.

 

[The Large One]

I couldn't do all seven at once.

A virgin, eh?

 

[The Brighton Bear]

I sometimes think I am the luckiest man alive, you see, I suffer from IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME, so I experience all the different STOOL situations over a 3 month cycle.
Everything from FIZZY GRAVY, the feeling that you have NEVER FINISHED, CHOCOLATE MOOSE, CONKERS and perfect huge LOGS.
Symptoms often include CRAMPS followed by BLOWING CHUNKS, RINGSTING or an arse like the FLAG OF JAPAN.
Multiple flushes often lead to GUPPIES still swimming in the khazi, whilst WINNETS & TAG NUTS or an ongoing problem especially if I have BAKED one for 4 hours or more.
Aeroplane toilets are a particular problem, but I generally overcome this by initiating a COURTESY FLUSH 2 or 3 times during my visit.

Quality!

 

[Simster]

A few years ago some one left the biggest brownberg I've ever seen in one of the toilets at work, this thing was fist size in the middle like an anaconda that's swallowed a cow. With in 15 minutes there was a crowd cueing up to see Shitzilla. They must have flushed it 7 or 8 times but it just wouldn't budge. It was the talk of work that day. No one owned up which was a surprise really. But the 7ft 300lb security guard with the big grin was a prime suspect in Poogate.

Many years ago, I remember someone somehow MISSING the pan and this shitzilla scuffed all along the back of the toilet and down the outer edge of the pan. The cleaners wouldn't even go in there for half a day.

Clearly no-one was ever going to own up, but as usual with henous poo crimes, all fingers were pointing at all the FAT bastards on the third floor, one of whom was my highly irritating, slightly chavvy and deeply unpopular boss.

 

[El Presidente]

A virgin, eh?

It's the downside of being a non-drinker

 

[KZNSeagull]

No, I have just dropped a conger eel into the bogs at Heathrow, and the nose was still sticking out when I left. I was hoping for an anonymous exit, but there were three blokes in a queue to get into the trap when I left. Apologies if it is anyone on NSC, I fear that things could get messy.

I did all I can in covering it with a layer of bogpaper, but the next person to sit on that particular throne will have an unwelcoming plate of BANGERS AND MASH to deal with.

The best part about it being at Heathrow, of course, is the hidden camera in the ceiling!!

I have to say that I have been desparate to fill up the pan for days, but it is not shifting. An entire bag of bertie bassets has not helped, nor the curry I had last night. You are right, though, there is nothing like a jolly good dump.

 

[User removed 4]

No, I have just dropped a conger eel into the bogs at Heathrow, and the nose was still sticking out when I left. I was hoping for an anonymous exit, but there were three blokes in a queue to get into the trap when I left. Apologies if it is anyone on NSC, I fear that things could get messy.

I did all I can in covering it with a layer of bogpaper, but the next person to sit on that particular throne will have an unwelcoming plate of BANGERS AND MASH to deal with.

Quality, its known as a shit lasagne at my old workplace when there are a few building up !!

 

[Garage_Doors]

This is something that has always baffle me, the shelf toilet that is, why did they make it?

You can tell a lot from you shit as to your diet and well-being. The continentals particularly the German's use it to look at and study before sending it on its way.

 

[Staly]

 

[User removed 4]

This is something that has always baffle me, the shelf toilet that is, why did they make it?

Its a german thing, so they can check their stools for parasites.


PS I have got the worst guts in christendom today, I've been about 5 or 6 times and my ringpiece is like a japanese flag !!

 

[LukeOwen]

No way would I use the cigar cutter. It just leaves a massive deposit of WINNET or CHAD stuck to my BUMHAIR, why should I deal with that just because the toilet can't cope with my magnificent BATTLESHIP.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

My biggest nightmare is when you are at some old grannies house, you have a TURTLES HEAD, rush upstairs and start to MESS and there it is IZAL MEDICATED. Whats that all about, it's like wiping your arse with a bus ticket, in fact it doesn't wipe, it just shifts it from one place to another.

 

[chucky1973]

on the poo subject, i was in a pub one day and a guy came and asked the landlord if he could use the toilets, but warned him he was on "salts", the landlord said fine and pointed him in the right direction, a while later another guy came out of the toilet and told the land lord he really needed to have have a look in the cubicle as there was shit everywhere, walls and ceilings. The landlord rushed over to the guy who was on salts, and said blimey mate, what salts are you on for Christ Sake, the embarresed guy replied.............

.........
.........

Somersaults......!



Ill get my coat........

 

[LukeOwen]

Eat a couple of large tins of sweetcorn and see the results in the morning. No kernal of sweetcorn has EVER been digested by a human being and that is a fact.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

A mate of mine was on holiday in Greece, he had the runs. Whilst playing on the hotels poolside table tennis table he overstretched for a particular tricky shot and shit himself. He ran to the bogs, dropped his swim shorts and all that was left in the gusset was tomato pips from the previous nights greek salad.

 

[terryberry1]

http://www.pooplog.org/wp-content/uploads/15569_1135477300140_1023540206_30674673_2083346_n.jpg

Not a bad effort

 

[Badger]

Eat a couple of large tins of sweetcorn and see the results in the morning. No kernal of sweetcorn has EVER been digested by a human being and that is a fact.

Even more amazing is how ALL humans have a sweetcorn reserve tank hidden away in their bowls that every now and again pops a couple of pieces of sweetcorn into your turd, just to fulfil your quota in case you haven't eaten any sweetcorn for MONTHS.

Nuts play a similar trick.