Do you use the CIGAR CUTTER when having a DUMP?

[Nibble]

After a few recent days of living practically on Guiness and meat I was looking forward to the time when a dog egg was ready and I could sit on the khazi with the paper and a half hours respite from the rigours of daily life. The time came, I delayed for as long as I could to gain maximum pleasure but at 3pm on Wednesday afternoon last call for Flight No.2 came over the tannoy. I made my way to the departure lounge being sure to grab the paper en route. I settled into Row B and immediately the Fasten Seatbelt light came on. I knew this was going to be no ordinary take off. I laid the paper down and gripped the edge of the bath tub in anticipation. My stomach turned as the most painful but tiniest chunk of shit forced open my chocolate slot and struggled out, roaring and cursing as it did so. The only noise I could utter was something like "Hoooon, Haaaaan". I wanted to scream "MEDIC" but the words would not come. Then as suddenly as the pain arrived, the poo left me and like a tornado leaving a canyon all was settled. One quick wipe and I was on my way. How could something so small cause so much trauma?

 

[vegster]

Could it have been a nugget of Dark Matter ?

 

[Guinness Boy]

This being the season of DRINKY POOS I overdid it on the brandy last night and MADE THE GRAVY EARLY. I am going to have to go on the waggon after tomorrow as by then I will definitely need to CURL OUT a proper TURD IN THE HOLE.