Whats the most embarassed you've ever been?

[SeagullSongs]

So a mate of mine was sitting in his arm chair, wife upstairs, kids upstairs, had the TV to himself... So he popped on a nice porno and sat back and relaxed. He got a bit horny so decided to pull his trousers down and pop his member into his hand.

A few minutes later... His wife was on her way down the stairs... He heard her just as she was about to step off the last step...

He thought 'f***, I haven't got time to change the channel so she doesn't see this porno AND pull my pants up'

So he had to choose one. So he flicked the tv to another channel.

His wife walked in the lounge and said 'what are you doing!!'

He simply replied.. 'what? I can f***ing sit like this if I want too!'

I thought the embarrassing part would be him changing the channel and it goes to the football or something

 

[wunt be druv]

I had been invited to a girlfriends house for Christmas and allowed to stay the night,she was 16,I was 17.We all had a lovely day and come the evening her parents popped out for a drink with some neighbours,of course,as soon as they are out of the door I am all over my girl and get carried away on the living room sofa,caught up in the moment we did not hear the key in the front door,or the living room door opening,what we did hear was her mother saying "well you two seem to be enjoying yourselves" as I lifted my head up from between my girlfriends legs,her knickers thrown across the floor and me with trousers and pants around my ankles and a boner like a third leg.AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I still cringe now thinking about it.On the plus side,her Mum did smile and gave me a little wink and raise of the eyebrows the next morning.

 

[driller]

One boring Christmas afternoon my parents and grandparents where in the lounge watching the queen or something.
Totally bored I went to my room, whilst there thought I would pleasure myself for a bit.
After, wanted a fag, and as my parents did not know I smoked realised I had to go for a walk.

I went into the lounge and announced loudly to all ' I am just popping out for a wank!'

 

[Josimojo]

Got stripped naked on my stag do in Budapest. Next thing I know someone calls 'leg it' and they all fooked off in different directions with my gear. So stark bollock naked 4am and all I have for company is a flower pot. Toddler off into a hotel where the receptionist is clearly pissing herself with laughter. I ask if i could borrow a towel and if she could call a taxi. Whats she come back with? a fooking flannel! So get the taxi back to our hotel and leg it through the lobby to get the driver some cash. This said hotel seemed to attract some high class hookers so this drew some funny looks. Anyway get to the room, sod it no key. Back to reception via the hookers. Canisee some ID. This was now getting ridiculous. As I was about to go and try explain to the driver I had no cash one of my mates had found his way back. When they legged it in different directions they all got lost. He let me into the room where I raided there wallets for about 200 quid to pay the driver, for approx 5 quid fare. To make things worse their is video footage of me naked and my mother inlaw got an eyeful of my nob. She cant have been to impressed.

Why? Is it a bit on the small side?

 

[wunt be druv]

One boring Christmas afternoon my parents and grandparents where in the lounge watching the queen or something.
Totally bored I went to my room, whilst there thought I would pleasure myself for a bit.
After, wanted a fag, and as my parents did not know I smoked realised I had to go for a walk.

I went into the lounge and announced loudly to all ' I am just popping out for a wank!'

Quality!

 

[Silk]

Well I certainly do hope you are not planning a repeat performance in the Curva Sud !!

I'll try not to.:thumbup:

 

[Silk]

Same thing happened to me when I was an altar boy if I swallowed.

I'm not sure that's actually very funny.

 

[somerset]

Double whammy.......

Works party in the City 1980 ish.... pulled typist, back to her parents house in Whitechapel on night bus.... furtive entry through alleyway at rear, through to front room, door closed, clothes off, action starts......

1) I spent first five mins fondling a roll of her flesh before she tells me that wasn't her breast....... not a good start

2) When the action was finished, I decide to get dressed then head off.... the place stank,...... so searched round for my clothes, finally got shoes on which I discovered were covered in dog shit.... I turned on light to see that I had walked it all through the house........ sharp exit ensued.

 

[Return of the Rev]

used my right foot to keep said knickers high enough above her ankles whilst half hopping myself for the last 6 foot or so. This kind gesture turned nightmare seemed to last a lifetime

You are a bloody hero sir! WELL DONE CHAP!

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

This thread is gold!

Having a photo of my self which looks like I'm advertising gay pride published in the local paper.

 

[Sheebo]

When my wife was pregnant with our son one of the other expectant mothers in the ante-natal class was a Chinese lady (from Hong Kong. And yes I know some blokes would be embarrassed to be in an ante-natal class with their wives but that isn't it). Anyway we were chatting after one of the classes and I asked her what Chinese takeaway she worked in. "I'm a computer programmer" she said icily and turned away.

I blame my wife. I'm SURE she said the lady worked in one of the local takeaways, my wife maintains she said nothing of the sort and we still argue about it today nearly twenty years later. There is a happy ending though, despite my terrible faux pas we actually became and stayed friends even though our sons have gone their separate ways recently.

1) You're a racist

2) I'm glad your son being gay wasn't embarrassing

 

[Lady Gull]

Too many in my life!!!

The other night I had put my little girl to bed and thought she was asleep after the initial up and down the stairs for a drink as little ones do and was sat on the sofa watching the telly.

I heard footsteps creeping down the stairs and in my sternest voice I said "Get to bed NOW or I will take you there myself" door opened and it was my son's mate who had been upstairs coming down to go out the back garden for a fag!!!! He just looked at me winked and said "ready when you are Mrs F - thought you'd never ask"!!!!! LOL I felt really embarrassed but that is nothing compared to some of the experiences I've had - but they are filed away in the DO NOT REMEMBER part of my brain!!!!

 

[albion534]

Was round my mates house going through a period of farting the smelliest 1's ever, each fart produced enough toxic gas to put down a rhino!

Anyone I got caught up in the moment and farted 1 too many, and shit myself, good and proper

I had to walk home 2 miles with shit stains down my 3/4 bright white trousers. Being followed by the stench of shit, by the end of it, my bright white trousers looked like a collage of shit and white material

 

[Wilko]

Was round my mates house going through a period of farting the smelliest 1's ever, each fart produced enough toxic gas to put down a rhino!

Anyone I got caught up in the moment and farted 1 too many, and shit myself, good and proper

I had to walk home 2 miles with shit stains down my 3/4 bright white trousers. Being followed by the stench of shit, by the end of it, my bright white trousers looked like a collage of shit and white material

That is fuckin embarrassing, who on earth would wear 3/4 white trousers.

 

[Lady Gull]

Was round my mates house going through a period of farting the smelliest 1's ever, each fart produced enough toxic gas to put down a rhino!

Anyone I got caught up in the moment and farted 1 too many, and shit myself, good and proper

I had to walk home 2 miles with shit stains down my 3/4 bright white trousers. Being followed by the stench of shit, by the end of it, my bright white trousers looked like a collage of shit and white material

Christ mine seem tame after reading that!!!

 

[kingcole]

Was at a top end hotel in Dubai earlier this year when the pool attendant passed and offered to spray myself and wife down with chilled Evian. We both accepted. He then passed my wife 2 slices of cucumber, which she promptly eat!

 

[essbee]

I paid for a 50p item in a shop with a £20 quid note once.

 

[albion534]

That is fuckin embarrassing, who on earth would wear 3/4 white trousers.

They blended in with my pasty skin, so they looked like actual trousers

 

[albion534]

That is fuckin embarrassing, who on earth would wear 3/4 white trousers.

They blended in with my pasty skin, so they looked like actual trousers

 

[Lady Gull]

Whilst on holiday in Benidorm three weeks ago my partner and I had decided to go to bed for the afternoon for a "sleep" - both stark naked fast asleep after an afternoon of debauchery there was a knock at the door - I thought I was dreaming I heard the knock so didn't bother to get up or answer - next thing I know the bloody maintenance man is stood at the end of the bed explaining to me in Spanish that there was a problem with the phone in the room and he had to take this one away and bring a new one!!!

By this stage I am conversing with this spanish guy whilst trying to get under the sheet as quickly as I could but when they make those beds abroad they tuck the sheets in really tight and I couldn't get the sheet released to get under it - all the time I am frantically trying to get into the bed!!!

My partner woke up to find this guy in the room and in a proper "northern" accent said "Who the fook are you" - I translated what he was saying still trying to get in the bed!!! my partner said "well tell him next time to not come in my room when my wife has her jack and danny on display"!!!

We have been laughing about it for weeks since we got back!!!