Rubbish Jokes

[Trufflehound]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggy a bone....but when she bent over, the doggy took over, and gave her a bone of his own....

Mary had a little lamb.




The midwife fainted.

 

[Trufflehound]

Mary had a little lamb.



She also had some peas and a couple of roast potatoes.

 

[Questions]

Doctor doctor, can't you see I'm burning burning;
Oh Doctor doctor, is this love I'm feeling?


First told by the Thompson twins but I dont get it.

 

[Trufflehound]

Mary had a little lamb.


But it was always gruntin'


So she took it out the back one day.


And kicked its little c**t in.

 

[Questions]

A slug was attacked by 2 snails and the police said can you desribe the assailants and the slug said, Oh yes, in real detail as well.

 

[Trufflehound]

I went to a French restaurant the other day. I had frog's legs.

It was a right bugger getting my trousers on.

 

[Guy Fawkes]

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
- so he could hide in a cherry tree

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
- A giraffe eating cherries

 

[Guy Fawkes]

2 monkeys in a bath, the first goes 'oo ooo oooo oo oo'
the second on says 'If it's that hot put some more cold water in'

 

[Garage_Doors]

Mary had a little lamb.


it was full of fun on frollics.

It followed her to school one day so she kicked it the bolllocks

 

[Garage_Doors]

Did everyone like Wayne Rooneys last new hair cut he was sporting at the the England Game ?

Apparently it happened as a result of a missunderstanding when Playboy Mag offered Collen £100,000 to shave her twat!

 

[Lewes' best seagull]

Why did the boy fall off his bike?




Cos someone threw a fridge at him

 

[Lewes' best seagull]

A woman goes into a doctors and says
" Doctor my vagina keeps shouting "Man United, Man United"

The doctor replied
" Dont worry, most twats say that"

 

[Insel affe]

Why did the snowman have a smiley face.....

Because he heard the snowblower was coming...

 

[Insel affe]

I bought some shoes off a drug dealer.... I don't know what he laced them with....

But I have been trippin' all day...........

 

[Prince Monolulu]

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

I was driving behind a magic tractor yesterday.

It turned into a field.

 

[Norman Potting]

I said to my doctor "it hurts when I do that", he said "don't do it then".

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

I ate an entire box of yoghurt last night.

I was absolutely mullered.

 

[TSB]

 

[AmexRuislip]

I was on an engineering website forum today, talking to a guy about the advantages of 12mm 1.25 pitch bolt, to which he replied saying he needed information regarding the 8mm 1.5 pitch bolt.

I was in the wrong thread.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with American sitcoms.

Happy Days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I phoned the Weak Bladder Helpline about my problem. It's 1p a minute.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bought a new SatNav it's really good,,,
Yesterday I drove past a Zoo and it said Bear Left .....
Now that's clever !