Rubbish Jokes

[withdeanwombat]

Bloke goes to the doctor with a strawberry stcking out of his bum.

The doctor says Don't worry,I've got some cream for that.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

I went to the doctors with my missus the other day and he told me she either had syphilis or amnesia. "Eh? How can I tell which she's got?" I said. Doc replies: "Take her into town, leave her there and if she comes back, don't f*** her".

 

[Titanic]

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to Lord's cricket ground.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," came the answer, "We've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck!"

 

[Jahooli]

A bloke went to the doctor for a check up with a list of complaints.

Doctor says "do you know there's a lettuce leaf sticking out of your anus?"

"Ahh that's just the tip of the iceberg"

 

[Garage_Doors]

Bloke went to the doctor and said doc, i got a cricket ball stuck up my arse, How that ? the doctor replied,
don't you f***ing start he said

 

[The Large One]

How much does a cockney pay for shampoo?

Pahn-ten.

 

[Questions]

A man went to the doctors and said, ''Doc I`ve broke my arm in two places''

and the Doc said, ''Right lets get you to xray then.''

 

[Questions]

A man went into the doctors and said
''Doctor doctor you`ve got to help me, I keep thinking I`m a moth,
and the doctor said .'Well dont go to those places then.

 

[Seagullible]

what do you call an Essex girl with a runny nose?

full up

 

[franks brother]

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper

 

[Seagullible]

two cows in a field. One cow says 'nice weather for this time of year'
The other replies 'bloody hell, a talking cow!'

 

[otk]

A Texas oil billionaire has triplet sons

On their eighteenth birthdays, he asks them what they want for a present

Son one asks for a toy plane, so dad buys him American Airlines

Son two asks for a toy car, so dad buys him Chevrolet Motors

Son three asks for a cowboy outfit, so dad buys him...


Crystal Palace FC

 

[Garage_Doors]

Bill said to ben, flob ba lob bob lab a bob.
Ben said, if you really loved me you would swallow it

 

[Questions]

Bill said to ben, flob ba lob bob lab a bob.
Ben said, f*** off bill you`re pissed.

 

[otk]

Two blokes working on a building site

One says to the other, 'Why have you got L and R on your boots?'

The other bloke says, 'Left and Right'.

First bloke thinks for a minute, then says, 'I wondered why my missus has got 'C and A' on her knickers....'

 

[Biscuit]

Crystal Palace

 

[Trufflehound]

Knock Knock




Come in!






Well, the specification was for "rubbish" jokes.

 

[Trufflehound]

My dog's got no nose.



The vet was horrified.

 

[Son of a hillbilly]

two peanuts were walking down the street.
one was assaulted...peanut

 

[vegster]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggy a bone....but when she bent over, the doggy took over, and gave her a bone of his own....