[Humour] Recreate the Match-day Experience Whilst Watching the Game on Telly!

[RossyG]

To recreate the “back of the North Stand” experience, put an even bigger telly behind you and look back at it for action replays from a distance of three inches so all you can see are pixels.

Shout out, “Oi, keeper. Why am I so fat? Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit.”

Stand in front of your armchair and only sit down at half time.

 

[Bodian]

* Off to count my stairs, back soon

14 per floor?

I seem to have always lived in houses where they are odd numbers in a flight - usually something light 13, then the turn and 2 more. But how do I know this - I have no idea, maybe it something subconscious in which foot you start off with and end with? Anyway, I assumed it was the norm, but never really sat down to think about it!

 

[BN9 BHA]

14 per floor?

It’s actually 13 per floor, I’m sad going off to count them.

 

[Skuller]

I think 10 times could be too many. I live in a 3 floor house too, and bottom to top is 29 stairs, and the WSU is somewhere around the 120 mark

It’s 123 stairs. And I have to count them every time. If I get the number wrong I know we’ll lose. I’m not very good at counting.

 

[portlock seagull]

Visit your local charity shop before the game although The tat in there is infinitely better and a lot cheaper than the Albion Megastore!

 

[SweatyMexican]

Put a burger in the microwave whilst you ring up and remortgage your house to pay for it.

 

[Skuller]

After we’ve lost, and after standing outside in the rain for 30 minutes, get in your car in the garage as if on the train “on the way to Lewes”. Talk to the dog (wearing funny coloured scarf) about how well “they” played. Lose the will to be horrible to them because they’re quite nice really even if they do support some team from a grimy northern town, and tell them to start walking through the train because of the short platform at Lewes. God, don’t I miss it.

 

[clapham_gull]

I get drunk, stick my head out the window and shout "you Palace *****" at all the neighbours.

To be honest, I've been doing that for a few years now and they've all got used to it.

 

[Tokyohands]

Stand near to, but not too near, your northerly neighbours house loudly informing them their employment prospects are bleak and that you're well aware of their aversion to bathing.

Once you've had enough of that return to your spot and continue venting your frustration at the shit show in front of goal, until your partner tells you to keep it down a bit. Bluntly inform your partner they're a ****ing jobs worth and sheepishly sit down, don't forget to keep giving them the stink eye and occasionally flick them the Vs until you leave in huff at the end.

 

[wellquickwoody]

My season ticket is in the WSU, my house has 3 floors.
Before the match starts - put tv in the garden.
Go up and down my stairs 10 times, not sure of the exact number of stairs to WSU but it’s a good climb.
Stay on top floor, open window and watch match on tv in the garden.

114 at the north end, 100 at the south.

 

[Doonhamer7]

This is all brilliant

 

[Westdene Seagull]

2 hours before kickoff I jump on the number 5 bus and and do the full loop to Patcham and back. I then do it again 10 minutes after final whistle.

 

[bluenitsuj]

1 hour before kick off i will stand in the wardrobe, with the wife and pretend we are on the packed train to the game.

 

[Worried Man Blues]

1 hour before kick off i will stand in the wardrobe, with the wife and pretend we are on the packed train to the game.

Just the usual then

 

[BN9 BHA]

114 at the north end, 100 at the south.

My youngest son used to count the steps to the WSU every time during the first season at the Amex, he was only 7, I was just pleased to complete the climb.

I will have to do the maths next time before I try to make a joke post about stairs.

 

[pasty]

It’s 123 stairs. And I have to count them every time. If I get the number wrong I know we’ll lose. I’m not very good at counting.

I count stairs too but it's so long since I've been there I'd forgotten the exact number

I get very OCD about stairs. I tend to remember how many there are for each set I use regularly, because I have to take the last step with my left foot. So if it's an odd number of stairs I start with my left foot, and if it's an even number I will start with my right foot. The underground on my pre-pandemic commute was a nightmare!

 

[Icy Gull]

As a 1901 member I have purchased half and half scarves and a Fulham and Spurs one. Depending on who we are playing I hang them on the chairs around the lounge and make a point of banging into them as I walk around the room. I then moan in a very loud voice to my wife about how many fecking away fans are in the lounge.

I am still waiting to be able to turn around and give the chairs with scarves on V signs when we score though. I expect to get a stiff talking to from my wife when and if this happens. Sadly I missed the Wolves home game.

 

[banjo]

Gotta warm some pies or sausage rolls pre KO surely.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Shout out, “Oi, keeper. Why am I so fat? Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit.”.

No wonder Maty wanted away.

 

[Icy Gull]

Have your family walk in front of you constantly as you try to watch the game, on the pretence that they need the toilet.

Pour a bucket of evil smelling water over your bathroom floor at least an hour before kick off to get that full urinal experience .

I have found having a crap pre match and not flushing it and then going back and having a piss on the toilet seat whilst ensuring at least half of it goes on the floor around the toilet more realistic. Dirty sheets of toilet paper dropped into the pee on the floor is essential too.