The Fifth Column
Lazy mug
For the non-concourse types. At HT stand in front of your sofa and look around the room remarking on how good the carpet looks, query whether that picture on the wall was there last week and then get on your phone and call your mate at his house, place your phones at opposite ends of the room and then wave at each other animatedly whilst saying, 'I'm here can't you see me, next to the bloke in the red jacket, I'm waving now, yes yes that's me, waheeey'. Every now and again back right up against your sofa so your calves are digging into it to allow your missus to squeeze by in front of you, it really helps if you put all your dining chairs in a row just in front of the sofa. Turn around occasionally and stare up at the coving rubbing your chin thoughtfully. Get a mate to stand behind the sofa and have a conversation about the first half, remarking on our inability to score a goal, how shit VAR is and other such cliches. Drop an open bottle of mineral water in front of the sofa and aloow the contents to spill all over the carpet, let the kids make a total mess and throw all litter on the floor. As the players run out and everyone takes their seats ensure two people stay in the kitchen and then take their seats 5 mins late in front of you on the dining room chairs, roll your eyes and under your breath say, 'Same every fricking week, they know when kick off is FFS". Sit back and watch us not win.