[Misc] Midlife crisis

[AmexRuislip]

I'm 58.
I've sold the Porsche, got rid of my earrings, my top knot has gone and I don't listen to grime anymore.

Other than that I'm enjoying life

 

[boik]

I'm not at all sure about the idea of a bucket list. Someone once said that it's the things you have that can make you happy, not the things you want, and that seems about right to me.

A bucket list just seems like a way of making you believe that you're missing out.

 

[Triggaaar]

The happiest people I know are far from the most affluent, with the most expensive cars and the largest number of bedrooms..rather those that spend quality time with family and friends, enjoying hobbies and travelling the world making lasting memories. That’s what I’d like to emulate both now and for the rest of my days.

Don't bother. Those memories they're making won't last because they'll all be dead soon enough. Cheers

 

[Cordwainer]

Don't bother. Those memories they're making won't last because they'll all be dead soon enough. Cheers

Thanks for your kind words!

 

[BadFish]

sounds like were in the same predicament.....59 this yr both shoulders rooted , double recon will mean at least 18 months off work which will drag us backwards financially , by the time I'm ready to come back ill be 60 at least having just had major surgery , not a good , employable prospect so for now I am soldiering on in constant discomfort , drinking too much and looking forward to next Christmas when I get 3 weeks off and can go on holiday again and give my body a rest , wishing the weeks away basically which is almost criminal , such is life currently....

have you considered knocking the drinking on the head to see what effect it has on your health?

 

[Triggaaar]

I'm 58.
I've sold the Porsche, got rid of my earrings, my top knot has gone and I don't listen to grime anymore.

So you've passed through your mid-life crisis then. When did you get those things (and btw which porsche)?

 

[AK74]

I totally relate, @Happy Exile.

I was 50 last year. It had become a mental milestone during my 40s, as I’d become convinced that I wouldn’t get there (due to all the bad shit I’d done earlier in life before counselling straightened me out). Back in August last year, I’m in sight of the proverbial ‘finishing line’, with my birthday at the end of the month. My wife has planned a celebration for me, and I’m thinking to myself “yes, I’m going to make it after all.”

2 weeks before the big day, I go for a routine 7-mile run on a Friday late afternoon. My heart decides to malfunction after 10 minutes, and reaches a peak of 223bpm. I go home, feeling a) dreadful and b) like I can’t make a fuss, as it’s our elder daughter’s 21st that weekend, and we’ve got plans.

If you’re still reading, yes, I’m a total fúcking idiot (but I know that).

I get through the weekend with a racing heart that won’t settle back to a regular rhythm or resting rate (I’m at 90 when it should be much lower). Try another run on the Tuesday, with the same effect of an immediate spike in BPM.

Medical intervention required. My GP referred me to a cardiologist, and I saw someone privately just before my 50th, who brought reassurance that I wasn’t about to drop dead unexpectedly. I managed to enjoy a great birthday celebration with those closest to me, which was the best gift of all.

Unsurprisingly, this had a major impact on my outlook on life. A proper brush with my own mortality, and a chance to reevaluate everything. Family, friendship, work, future plans - the whole lot. But the impact has been positive, rather than leaving me fearful of what’s to come. I’m not living every day as if it’s my last, but I do have a different attitude.

My family and friends are everything.

Work is important, but there’s more of my career behind me than ahead, and I’m planning for retirement not my next move/s upward in the next 5 to 10 years.

And I’ve started to do things with more purpose and sooner, just in case I never get to them for some reason.

I’m not, thankfully, suffering from a long term heart condition. Extensive tests have confirmed my ticker is structurally and functionally strong, and the malfunction was caused by cardiac arrhythmia. This hasn’t resurfaced, and I’m back running again (albeit at a slower pace, not because I have to, but because I want to).

I’m still standing, and looking forward to the ‘second half’ of life.

Apologies for the essay. This is the longest message I’ve ever written on NSC. I won’t ever type anything of similar length again, as I wouldn’t want to bore anyone twice.

 

[Triggaaar]

have you considered knocking the drinking on the head to see what effect it has on your health?

My brother (56) drank far more than healthy. He decided (partly following doctors advice) to stop drinking at home (not t total), and suddenly his health is much better. Who knew

 

[BadFish]

i agree with the change in my perception once i hit 50. I also felt the perception of me change to but that may have been a response.

i definately want to do the things i enjoy and have a sense of not wanting to waste too much time anymore. The kids are older and i am enjoying life for myself again.

 

[BadFish]

My brother (56) drank far more than healthy. He decided (partly following doctors advice) to stop drinking at home (not t total), and suddenly his health is much better. Who knew

I dont drink at home unless we have peoplr over and havent for many years and it is staggering how much better i feel.

Once you stop you realise how poisonous that stuff is.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Age has never bothered me at all, I actually enjoy getting older though for various reasons I don't particularly mark my birthday beyond what I have to do so Mini-Exile doesn't think it's weird when she celebrates hers. I reach 50 in a few weeks though and I'm really, really noticing that the midlife crisis - or as a mate calls it "midlife re-evaluation" is a very real thing for some of us despite me being cynical about it before and not believing it'd happen to me.

I've not gone to get a motorbike or run off with a younger woman or got any regrettable tattoos (yet) but there's definitely an awareness, not morbid though, that I've never had before that time is running down and I've lived most of my life now - a poet, Charles Wright, talks about "one day more is one day less" and I feel that. Not in a depressed way at all, just recognising it and a very strong feeling that I need to do something more with the time left than I have done with the past, say, 10 years (like maybe I should get a motorbike, run off with a younger woman and get some regrettable tattoos).

Also noticing things like I bought a lightbulb yesterday that will almost certainly last longer than I will. I still use the snooker cue I got for my 21st birthday and it's still fine, but I'm treating myself to a nicer one for my 50th and I know on that basis that'll probably outlast me too. Again, it's not morbid, I find that idea of continuity of things reassuring and comforting. I totally understand now why some people I've worked with in the past have reached 50 and older and suddenly started talking about needing to find purpose, or looking for charitable "legacy" work, or thrown everything up in the air and almost started again much more content having rebooted and reshaped their lives.

In the next 3 years Mini Exile will leave home, I'll move house very likely to the one I'll stay in until I can retire at 67 and probably beyond then too, maybe forever, shortly after that it'll be my silver wedding anniversary...there are so many life moments I remember my parents having and them seeming abstract to me that are now becoming my moments.

So wise people of NSC, now I've learned my cynicism of midlife crisis/re-evaluation was misguided, what if anything did you find in your 50s that was common among your peers so I can be ready for it? (And I'll be disappointed if at least some of the answers aren't taking the mickey.)

I maintain a regular exercise regime but I don’t fret if I can’t do the exercises I used to do in my prime ( dodgy knees from running). Just try and stay fit and healthy.

 

[Triggaaar]

2 weeks before the big day, I go for a routine 7-mile run on a Friday late afternoon. My heart decides to malfunction after 10 minutes, and reaches a peak of 223bpm. I go home, feeling a) dreadful and b) like I can’t make a fuss, as it’s our elder daughter’s 21st that weekend, and we’ve got plans.

If you’re still reading, yes, I’m a total fúcking idiot (but I know that).

Er, yep.

Medical intervention required. My GP referred me to a cardiologist, and I saw someone privately just before my 50th, who brought reassurance that I wasn’t about to drop dead unexpectedly.

Wait - did they say you weren't going to drop dead unexpectedly, and then clarify that you were going to drop dead, just that it wasn't unexpected?

 

[pasty]

Personally found my 50’s a breeze and it really didn’t bother me. However, I turn 60 tomorrow and I’m really struggling with it, starting to think about my own mortality.

It hit home a couple of weeks back. We are expecting our first grandchild in April and I have said I’m going to create a savings account I will pay into monthly that the child can have when he is 18. My daughter, not nastily, said “well I hope you are still around to give it to him”

That was a really scary thought

 

[DJ NOBO]

What's the solution?

I don’t have a reverse aging pill but can muse if you like?

It wasn’t very long ago in history that no one would have known their age.

People were judged solely on what they could do.

So as much as possible dont read significance into age milestones. Instead do what you enjoy and be your own best friend by looking after your health if you can.

Obviously society may view age differently and failing mind and body comes to all. But that’s out of our control . I’ve seen many people think themselves old all by themselves .

 

[Chicken Run]

Personally found my 50’s a breeze and it really didn’t bother me. However, I turn 60 tomorrow and I’m really struggling with it, starting to think about my own mortality.

It hit home a couple of weeks back. We are expecting our first grandchild in April and I have said I’m going to create a savings account I will pay into monthly that the child can have when he is 18. My daughter, not nastily, said “well I hope you are still around to give it to him”

That was a really scary thought

Happy Birthday for tomorrow

 

[Triggaaar]

I don’t have a reverse aging pill but can muse if you like?

It wasn’t very long ago in history that no one would have known their age.

People were judged solely on what they could do.

So as much as possible dont read significance into age milestones. Instead do what you enjoy and be your own best friend by looking after your health if you can.

Obviously society may view age differently and failing mind and body comes to all. But that’s out of our control . I’ve seen many people think themselves old all by themselves .

Thanks. I'll try and use this advice when I go on a stag do (first in decades) next month.

 

[AmexRuislip]

So you've passed through your mid-life crisis then. When did you get those things (and btw which porsche)?

It was tongue in cheek @Triggaaar

 

[AK74]

Er, yep.




Wait - did they say you weren't going to drop dead unexpectedly, and then clarify that you were going to drop dead, just that it wasn't unexpected?

I was an anxious man in that consulting room. My amazing cardiologist recognised that, and made clear that I wasn’t about to be spending half a day out with the undertaker anytime soon. Thankfully, this was based on medical evidence and her clinical experience, rather than a desire to tell me what I wanted to hear.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

Just remember we are no different to any other thing in the galaxy, we have a life span enjoy it as much as possible.

There is no authority but yourself.

One thing that I do think about though, I am 60 now and 2005 just happened a minute ago as far as I am concerned, in that same 20 years ahead I might be if lucky 80 !

Polly: What's the point in being alive?
Basil: Beats me. We're stuck with it, I suppose.

 

[happypig]

I'm not at all sure about the idea of a bucket list. Someone once said that it's the things you have that can make you happy, not the things you want, and that seems about right to me.

A bucket list just seems like a way of making you believe that you're missing out.

I've never had a bucket list. I realised when I turned 50 that the things I desperately wanted but couldn't afford when I was 20 (a Porsche and a Kawasaki Z1 amongst others) I longer wanted when I could afford them. There's far-away places I'd go if I had a bit more money but there's no burning desire.
I'm 62 this year, been retired 6 years and am enjoying making our house and garden nice, growing veg and pottering about in my workshop.
I do find winters quite miserable when it's cold and raining though as I like being outside.