Having a poo at work ...

[Pretty pink fairy]

anyone done a dirty sanchez with their girlfriend out of interest

 

[csider]

anyone done a dirty sanchez with there girlfriend out of interest

You were watching me and your Mrs, you forgotten already

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

WOW!

I used to work at NatWest CLC too and remember that email. Hmmm.. think the culprit was this fat old woman who kept getting migraines and having days off.

Interesting - the fat migraine woman rings a bell

I was Jackie Knights team, around 2003. Do you remember the kid who worked in the collections team who actually believed he was in the Matrix Was the highlight of my day watching him walk into work wearing shades (whatever the weather), his hair slicked back and his leather trenchcoat flapping behind him. And waving his security fob as if he was opening the door by using his hand only. He was a real character.

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

You were watching me and your Mrs, you forgotten already

you sick fucker

 

[Muzzman]

Interesting - the fat migraine woman rings a bell

I was Jackie Knights team, around 2003. Do you remember the kid who worked in the collections team who actually believed he was in the Matrix Was the highlight of my day watching him walk into work wearing shades (whatever the weather), his hair slicked back and his leather trenchcoat flapping behind him. And waving his security fob as if he was opening the door by using his hand only. He was a real character.

Yeah, I remember that guy. His hair was platinum blonde too if I remember rightly.

I left in March 2003 so I think he just started before I went. I was in Kim Ellis' team.

 

[csider]

you sick fucker

Thats me!!!

 

[Frutos]

what about using a bed pan in hospital

I was in hospital for a week a few years back, and was dreading having to do that (I was attached to various machines, so was essentially bedridden).

Somehow, my body co-operated with my brain and decided I could go without one for the whole time I was in there.

 

[portlock seagull]

I recently discovered a 007 in our work toilets as in "ah, so we meet again Mr Bond. I've been expecting you....." Bloody disgusting that people don't check to see if they've left a survivor before departing.

 

[vulture]

When I was the manager of BP connect brooklands we had to share a loo with the public.I had gastro flu and my shitting was so bad that if I even farted it was .So what I did was tell the public and the male staff that some dirty fucker had blocked at the loos and as the manager I could not expect my staff to clean it up and put on some gloves and close the door with a key and have a lovely shit in peace reading men only.When of course the door was open the smell was unreal and all my staff said I was so brave to have cleaned up all that shit.

 

[Mendoza]

The worst ones are the ones where you can only describe it as being sick out your bumhole, and it sprays everywhere, making a racket as it sprays the toilet bowl rather than dropping in the water. Only to discover that there is no bog brush and no way of cleaning your mess, and just hoping there is enough power in the flush to wash away the pain!

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

The worst ones are the ones where you can only describe it as being sick out your bumhole, and it sprays everywhere, making a racket as it sprays the toilet bowl rather than dropping in the water. Only to discover that there is no bog brush and no way of cleaning your mess, and just hoping there is enough power in the flush to wash away the pain!

Why did I think it would be a good idea to have a coffee whilst reading this thread... what was the best i could have hoped for??

spitting it out with laughter.. or thinking of throwing it back up?

well in any case, both are applicable.

 

[Gritt23]

This morning I had that tricky moment when I just went in for a wee, but clearly someone had recently just had a morning-after-a-nasty-curry poo, and the place was honking. I finish my little wee, and as I turn to go, someone walks in and reacts to the smell. Nightmare, I offer a pitiful "shocker innit, someone is having a tough morning" in the vain hope that I'm not getting the blame for that one, but I've basically been witnessed as the little puppy sitting next to your poo-covered slippers. Who would YOU be blaming?

Yeah, exactly!

 

[Lethargic]

Can I just add my thanks to all the contributors on this thread, you have made my day - wonderful entertainment!

There really should be books on these sorts of dilemmas.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Thank f*** for this thread is all I can say... i thought I was alone in my office pooing habits...now I can go and drown the browns with my head held high, safe in the knowledge that there are others cut from the same (touching cloth) going about their dumping business. Hate it when you are mid shoyte and someone walks in. Where I work the urinal is right next door to trap one, my favourite. I always try and check out the shoes to see if it is someone I work with on a daily basis...if it is then its all hands to the pump, cheeks against the wall to avoid farting let alone letting the bats out of the cave...if it's flip flops or stoopid trainers then it's probably someone from IT so f*** em...
Worse still is when someone has left an aerial map of the Phillipines in the pan...totally unflushable...so when you evacuate your own dead otters these pebble dashers remain...of course someone always then comes in and thinks their yours...if I had a penny for everytime that's happened....i'd have at least a quid...

 

[Theatre of Trees]

I'm a let it rip and devil may care kind of dumper when at work. I remember one particularly tough strain when working as a teacher where the head was having an equally noisy evacuation in the cubicle next to me.

Two poo stories not related to offices.

1. When I went camping in France as a kid in the 1970s I was told that all French toilets were of the squat and hole in the ground variety. First day dying for poo went rushing into the campsite's lavs looked for the first cubicle with a hole in the ground, duly evacuated what was a huge log for an 8 year old but missed the hole in the ground leaving the turd hanging over like the coach in the Italian Job. Decide that I better disappear before someone else wants to use it and just leave it there. Whilst washing my hands some French bloke comes in walks into the cubicle followed by the sounds of 'Sacre bleu' he walks straight back out starts talking French to me which I don't understand, I reply in English and he doesn't understand. Then he starts pointing back into the cubicle where I can see the turd swaying over the edge of the hole then suddenly catch a glimpse of something further up the cubicle ... it was a shower head. I then realised my mistake, shrugged my shoulders at the French bloke and made a hasty exit.

2. This one was a bit more recent and involved an early morning walk on the Downs between Falmer and Lewes. Obviously the movement of walking had loosened the bowels to the extent I could feel the load dropping into the bomb bay ready for aiming. Needless to say I'm out in the open with no cover, I walk until I cannot move without endangering my underwear. The only cover is a couple of gorse bushes which I squeeze between drop my trousers and let it all out it, the gorse is pricking my arse, I seem to be having the longest turd in existance which doesn't end cleanly meaning I need to wipe. Luckily I have a first aid kit. Never use wet wipes they are so thin your finger goes through it, thankfully a roll of bandage comes to my aid though I then have nowhere to dispose of it so have to dig a little hole to bury it. The upshot was one of those dumps that make you feel five stone lighter.

 

[Insel affe]

just found this little bugger.....someone had not flushed ...

 

[Northstander]

That picture is wrong!

You would think the individual who left the deposit would at least cover it with Crapper Paper?

Interestingly however, the guilty individual clearly has cooked english breakfasts due to the evidence of grease floating on the water....!

 

[Insel affe]

That picture is wrong!

You would think the individual who left the deposit would at least cover it with Crapper Paper?

Interestingly however, the guilty individual clearly has cooked english breakfasts due to the evidence of grease floating on the water....!

i know and there was no paper in the bog again.......... i guess some people can poop without a wipe...? i think i know who it was though im goona send them the picture.

 

[house your seagull]

1. When I went camping in France as a kid in the 1970s I was told that all French toilets were of the squat and hole in the ground variety.

Viz refer to french public toilets as Lay And Display

 

[Billy the Fish]

The worst ones are the ones where you can only describe it as being sick out your bumhole, and it sprays everywhere, making a racket as it sprays the toilet bowl rather than dropping in the water. Only to discover that there is no bog brush and no way of cleaning your mess, and just hoping there is enough power in the flush to wash away the pain!

I never clean my mess. A good pebble-dashing is like a badge of honour.