[Humour] Great comedy lines

[Superphil]

What phony dog poo?

 

[studio150]

But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe you.

 

[WATFORD zero]

These are small, but the ones out there are far away

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

As someone who has a rather prominent nose, I’m rather fond of.

”who hit you, Goliaths big brother”

 

[hart's shirt]

“I suppose I’ve created an atmosphere where I’m a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third.”

 

[The Lemming Stomper]

No! No, I won't have that!There's a place in Eastbourne.

 

[Jeremiah]

"He's fallen in the water"

 

[Hamilton]

He won't sell much ice cream going at that speed.

 

[Zeberdi]

1. Winston Churchill on being told his flies were undone:

“My boy, there is no harm in leaving open the door of the cage when the bird is dead."


2. Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."

Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."


3. Winston Churchill on politics

”"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."


4. Winston Churchill on being reproached by a lady:

Lady: ‘'Sir! You are drunk”

Churchill: ‘'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”

 

[Dave the OAP]

He will never sell any ice creams going at that speed

 

[fly high]

Infamy, infamy they've all got it in for me.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Yes you did - you invaded Poland

 

[DJ NOBO]

Those are not pillows

 

[Titanic]

It's not dead, it's resting.

 

[Titanic]

I know nothing!

 

[WATFORD zero]

You're in the right ballpark, it actually says cock, piss, Partridge

 

[jcdenton08]

You're in the right ballpark, it actually says cock, piss, Partridge

What’s rude about a body?

 

[Worried Man Blues]

You're only meant to blow the bloody doors off!
What do you mean you can't swim, the fall will kill you

 

[KZNSeagull]

In that case we'll call you Trevor

 

[Eric the meek]

'You don't sweat much for a fat lass'.