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Good News Thread









Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq
January 20, 1999 | Issue 35•02

WASHINGTON, DC—Preparing for another possible showdown with Iraq, President Clinton deployed more than 15,000 very special U.S. forces to the Persian Gulf region Tuesday.
onion_news1569.article.jpg


Sgt. Tommy Dolber, who loves baseball and rollerskating, leads a group of very special forces in maneuvers near the Iraq-Kuwait border.
Clinton said the objective of the mission, dubbed Operation Great Job!, is twofold: to keep pressure on Saddam Hussein to permit the return of U.N. weapons inspectors, and to provide America's very special forces with a positive, rewarding, esteem-building experience.

"With Operation Great Job!, we send the message loud and clear to Saddam Hussein that his open defiance of the United Nations and international law will not be tolerated," Clinton said. "We also send the equally important message to our own troops that what's important is not whether you defeat the enemy, but that you try your best and have fun."

Added Clinton: "Hooray, U.S. troops!"

At a Pentagon press conference, Secretary of Defense William Cohen expressed confidence that the mission will be successful. "I have full faith that our troops will do a terrific job in Iraq," Cohen said, "but even if they make a few mistakes, we'll still be very, very proud of them."

Cohen stressed that the safety of America's special forces is of paramount importance. In an effort to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt, the Defense Secretary has urged all U.S. troops to tie their shoelaces "nice and tight."

"Whenever you're in a combat situation, there is almost always going to be some running involved," Cohen said, "And the last thing we want is for any of our soldiers to trip and fall."


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President Clinton fields reporters' questions.
Morale is said to be high among members of the very special forces, who were flown Monday from Sheppard Air Force Base to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in a squadron of specially modified C-130 "short planes." Upon arriving, the troops were given a thorough mission debriefing by Gen. James Herzog and a butterscotch-pudding snack cup. Each soldier was then issued an AR-15 rifle, three clips of NATO 7.62 mm rounds, a combat helmet with a velcro safety-strap, and a fanny pack with his name written on it in black magic marker.

"We are going to win the war," said Pvt. Richie Ammaker of Hagerstown, MD, eating his snack cup with a Capri-Sun juice-pak. "I love to clap and sing along to the music!"

"Colonel Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party," Pvt. Josh Paretsky of Dallas said. "Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!"

"You're pretty," Paretsky added. "Will you marry me?"

Gen. Thomas Merritt, who is in charge of overseeing Operation Great Job!, said the troops are thoroughly prepared for what lies ahead.


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A C-130 short plane transports a battalion of very special forces to the Gulf.
"We have gone over maneuvers and protocol in detail, and we have all marked down our special targets in our special notebooks," Merritt said. "The soldiers know they are not to wander off from the group. They know they are to use inside voices when in enemy territory. And they know they are to go to the bathroom prior to all ground assaults. This group is ready."

Merritt went on to note that, despite the very special nature of the mission, strict military discipline will be maintained, including mandatory quiet-room "time-outs" for any soldiers who begin "acting out" or displaying inappropriate behavior in combat situations.

According to Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, the length of the mission depends upon the performance of the troops. "Hopefully, all will go well, and our very special forces will be back home within a week," Albright said. "But if there are setbacks, such as soldiers losing their keys or having trouble staying on task or forgetting to take their pills, it could take longer."

Regardless of the outcome on the field of battle, Albright said America's fighting forces will emerge as "big winners."

"These soldiers will have the chance to strike a blow for global democracy and make lots of new friends in the process, so how can they not win?" asked Albright, who noted that every soldier who participates in Operation Great Job! will receive a shiny medal. "This is truly going to be a very special invasion."
 


Les Biehn

GAME OVER
Aug 14, 2005
20,610
must ...not ...comment ... on ... the ... brokeback .... mountain ... lads ...... :whistle:

;)

Someone seems mildly obsessed with creating this image of nibble and myself as love bummers. Beginning to think it says more about BTID then us...
 


Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
Someone seems mildly obsessed with creating this image of nibble and myself as love bummers. Beginning to think it says more about BTID then us...

I shouldn't trouble yourself Les. If you notice the folks who make these comments are the more, shall we say, socially inept members who probably don't actually know what a real life friend is let alone how to interact with one.

Now, which one do you want to be?

brokeback_2601_wideweb__470x314,0.jpg
 








Brighton till i die

You havin' a bubble?
Jan 31, 2004
7,611
On the terraces!!

indeed - you (nice) boys need to get a sense of humour.

back onto Unc's good news thread:


Scientists working on the world's biggest machine are being besieged by phone calls and emails from people who fear the world will end next Wednesday, when the gigantic atom smasher starts up.

Such is the angst that the American Nobel prize winning physicist Frank Wilczek of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has even had death threats, said Prof Brian Cox of Manchester University, adding: "Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a twat."

The head of public relations, James Gillies, says he gets tearful phone calls, pleading for the £4.5 billion machine to stop.

"They phone me and say: "I am seriously worried. Please tell me that my children are safe," said Gillies. Emails also arrive every day that beg for reassurance that the world will not end, he explained.

Others are more aggressive. "There are a number who say: "You are evil and dangerous and you are going to destroy the world."

"I find myself getting slightly angry, not because people are getting in touch but the fact they have been driven to do that by what is nonsense. What we are doing is enriching humanity, not putting it at risk."

There have also been legal attempts to halt the start up.
 






Brighton till i die

You havin' a bubble?
Jan 31, 2004
7,611
On the terraces!!
I've got a sense of humour thanks, would just be nice if you got some new and funny jokes.

what about this one :

a woman has a kid and its only a head - no arms, legs body etc. She decides to call him Eddy!
anyway one day Eddy is playing upstairs in his room, and his mum shouts "Eddy i've got a suprise present for you".....


....


...Eddy shout back downstairs.. "It better not be another f***ing HAT!"
 


Les Biehn

GAME OVER
Aug 14, 2005
20,610
what about this one :

a woman has a kid and its only a head - no arms, legs body etc. She decides to call him Eddy!
anyway one day Eddy is playing upstairs in his room, and his mum shouts "Eddy i've got a suprise present for you".....


....


...Eddy shout back downstairs.. "It better not be another f***ing HAT!"

Meh, it's ok.
 






Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy:

'No' Says God


SAN FRANCISCO–For as long as he can remember, 7-year-old Timmy Yu has had one precious dream: From the bottom of his heart, he has hoped against hope that God would someday hear his prayer to walk again. Though many thought Timmy's heavenly plea would never be answered, his dream finally came true Monday, when the Lord personally responded to the wheelchair-bound boy's prayer with a resounding no.

"I knew that if I just prayed hard enough, God would hear me," said the joyful Timmy, surrounded by stuffed animals sent by well-wishing Christians from around the globe, as he sat in the wheelchair to which he will be confined for the rest of his life. "And now my prayer has been answered. I haven't been this happy since before the accident, when I could walk and play with the other children like a normal boy."

God's response came at approximately 10 a.m. Monday, following a particularly fervent Sunday prayer session by little Timmy. Witnesses said God issued His miraculous answer in the form of a towering column of clouds, from which poured forth great beams of Divine light and the music of the Heavenly Hosts. The miraculous event took place in the Children's Special Care Ward of St. Luke's Hospital, where Timmy goes three times a week for an excruciating two-hour procedure to drain excess fluid from his damaged spinal column.

Said Angela Schlosser, a day nurse who witnessed the Divine Manifestation: "An incredible, booming voice said to Timmy, 'I am the Lord thy God, who created the rivers and the mountains, the heavens and the earth, the sun and the moon and the stars. Before Me sits My beloved child, whose faith is that of the mustard seed from which grows mighty and powerful things. My child, Timmy Yu, I say unto you thus: I have heard your prayers, and now I shall answer them. No, you cannot get out of your wheelchair. Not ever."

Paralyzed in a 1996 auto accident that also claimed the lives of both his parents, Timmy has served as a shining example to his fellow churchgoers at Lord In Heaven On High Church, inspiring others with his simple, heartfelt devotion. Now that Timmy has received an answer, Christians the world over are celebrating his story as a stirring testament to the power of faith.

"The Lord has answered a little boy's plea to know if he would ever walk again, and that answer was no," Rev. H. Newman Gunther of the San Francisco School Of Divinity said. "For years, this boy had been plagued by the question of whether or not he would ever walk, and now Our Lord, in his wisdom and mercy, has forever laid to rest any lingering doubt. Young Timmy can rest assured in the immutable truth that the Lord has bestowed upon him. Now and for all time, he finally knows that he will never escape the cruel prison of his chair of iron, for God hath willed it so. Praise be to God!"

Asked for comment, God said: "This kind-hearted child's simple prayer hath moved Me. Never before have I seen such faith. His trusting soul, so full of innocent devotion to Me, hath offered seventy times seven prayers asking, 'God? Can I please walk again?' It was indeed right and fitting that I, in My infinite wisdom, should share with him the One True Answer to this long-repeated question he put before Me."

"My will be done," God added.

Witnesses to the miracle said Timmy begged God for several minutes to change His mind and heal his shattered vertebrae, but the Lord stood firm.

"God strongly suggested that Timmy consider praying to one of the other intercessionary agents of Divine power, like Jesus, Mary or maybe even a top saint," Timmy's personal physician, Dr. William Luttrell, said. "The Lord stressed to Timmy that it was a long shot, but He said he might have better luck with one of them."

Despite all the attention he has received, Timmy remains humble in the face of his newfound notoriety as the only human ever to have a prayer directly answered by God Himself.

"I know that God loves me, because it says so in the Bible," Timmy said. "So right now, I am just glad that God took the time to answer my prayer. If only I could walk, this would be the greatest day of my life."
 






Les Biehn

GAME OVER
Aug 14, 2005
20,610
yeah cheers :safeway2:;)

Oh look, once again you have ruined it by wheeling out the old gay gag. Do you not think that anyone who is gay on here may find it offensive that you keep using homosexuality as a slur to knock nibble and myself with?
 


Brighton till i die

You havin' a bubble?
Jan 31, 2004
7,611
On the terraces!!
Oh look, once again you have ruined it by wheeling out the old gay gag. Do you not think that anyone who is gay on here may find it offensive that you keep using homosexuality as a slur to knock nibble and myself with?

f*** OFF it was a joke hence the cheeky little wink at the end. :thud:
 










tedebear

Legal Alien
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
17,117
In my computer
indeed - you (nice) boys need to get a sense of humour.

back onto Unc's good news thread:


Scientists working on the world's biggest machine are being besieged by phone calls and emails from people who fear the world will end next Wednesday, when the gigantic atom smasher starts up.

Such is the angst that the American Nobel prize winning physicist Frank Wilczek of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has even had death threats, said Prof Brian Cox of Manchester University, adding: "Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a twat."

.


They can stop calling - I think its broken anyhow...

I have just planted broad beans and winter lettuce - that is good news for my tummy!!
 


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