If she complains about you walking out, you should launch a counter complaint about her bullying people in to doing something which makes them feel uncomfortable and is in no way part of their role in the company.
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
If she complains about you walking out, you should launch a counter complaint about her bullying people in to doing something which makes them feel uncomfortable and is in no way part of their role in the company.
do the online docs, pay but issue you whatever you need
So....
Thanks to holidays, sickness and general busyness, had two full days here last week with only CRISPS for company.
Mercifully I can only see the back of her annoying head from my desk. But well enough to be able to tell if she is actually doing any work, or is staring down at her phone. Or having a 'little break' to inhale more food.
If I pull her up on anything she looks close to tears. I know if I give her a talking to, she'll break down, and I'll end up attending 500 meetings with HR or senior management. So we play out this charade whereby when I've clocked that she's been doing **** all for five minutes, I'll send a random document to the big printer that is right by her desk, causing her to jump like a startled rabbit and avert her gaze back to her computer for at least a token few minutes.
I told her that she 'might be better putting her phone away in her drawer, if it was distracting her', and she disappeared off ****-knows where for 15 minutes. She spends about an hour of every working day in the toilet, presumably on account of spending another hour of it eating.
When she reappears, she is actually looking at her screen, but once again I can see she's doing **** all, so I wander over to the printer, and she minimises a window sharpish. Repeat this nonsense twice more, so when she disappears again, for her fourth SHIT of the day, I wander over, maximise the hastily-minimised pdf - it is titled "How to hook a man for life". The stupid ****ing lazy cow.
Now of course, for SNOOPING on her computer, I'd open myself up for grief if I refer to this at all. Which is annoying. Not sure I could get away with it, but what I'd dearly LOVE to do, is to get on there and edit that pdf, so that the final page reads "The best way to keep your man, is to refrain from eating your body weight in crap daily, and to try to take less than ten shits a day, you absolute freak".
Thanks to holidays, sickness and general busyness, had two full days here last week with only CRISPS for company.
Mercifully I can only see the back of her annoying head from my desk. But well enough to be able to tell if she is actually doing any work, or is staring down at her phone. Or having a 'little break' to inhale more food.
If I pull her up on anything she looks close to tears. I know if I give her a talking to, she'll break down, and I'll end up attending 500 meetings with HR or senior management. So we play out this charade whereby when I've clocked that she's been doing **** all for five minutes, I'll send a random document to the big printer that is right by her desk, causing her to jump like a startled rabbit and avert her gaze back to her computer for at least a token few minutes.
I told her that she 'might be better putting her phone away in her drawer, if it was distracting her', and she disappeared off ****-knows where for 15 minutes. She spends about an hour of every working day in the toilet, presumably on account of spending another hour of it eating.
When she reappears, she is actually looking at her screen, but once again I can see she's doing **** all, so I wander over to the printer, and she minimises a window sharpish. Repeat this nonsense twice more, so when she disappears again, for her fourth SHIT of the day, I wander over, maximise the hastily-minimised pdf - it is titled "How to hook a man for life". The stupid ****ing lazy cow.
Now of course, for SNOOPING on her computer, I'd open myself up for grief if I refer to this at all. Which is annoying. Not sure I could get away with it, but what I'd dearly LOVE to do, is to get on there and edit that pdf, so that the final page reads "The best way to keep your man, is to refrain from eating your body weight in crap daily, and to try to take less than ten shits a day, you absolute freak".
Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
from the interweb - Sickness Certificates. If you have an illness lasting seven days or less you do not require a doctor's sickness certificate. Your employer may require you to complete a self-certification form called an SC2 which is available from the HMRC website or you can click on the link below to download a form.
not sure if this is correct though
If someone doesn't lock their computer when they leave their desk it's fair game.
I sense you've finally reached BREAKING POINT...
Baldseagull
Well-known member
I would tell your employer that self certification is all that is required for less than 7 days sick leave, but you are happy to make a doctors appointment in work hours and if they will pay the fee the doctor may ask for to provide a certificate.
If someone doesn't lock their computer when they leave their desk it's fair game.
I sense you've finally reached BREAKING POINT...
Seriously - you've no idea.
Is she required to produce any output (work related) each day and how does it compare to her targets/colleagues?
I like the printer tactic. Think you need to set up a mirror system too, or ask her to train you so you can cover her role when she is on leave
jakarta
Well-known member
Clearly there needs to be a POLE about this and of course to inform our decision about this Young Lady's chances...
smudge
Up the Albion!
If she complains about you walking out, you should launch a counter complaint about her bullying people in to doing something which makes them feel uncomfortable and is in no way part of their role in the company.
The HR director has been told to stop asking people to sing & dance after trying to get the Chief Engineer to do so during familiarization training. Chief Engineer has 28 years in the company, eats lead & sh*ts bullets. He was not amused!
Really? Has he ever been in a magazine?
Juan Albion
Chicken Sniffer 3rd Class
Has he ever been fired?
I was going to say she won't last long in the company; but she's HR Director, so she won't be going anywhere.
Cheshire Cat
The most curious thing..
Have you considered that the volume of food consumed, and number of shits might be inextricably linked? Ask her to research the formula (on line of course). It might even be statistically significant.
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
I ended up going in with no sick note and no doctors appointment. The two big bosses were both fine with it once I explained what happened and said the NHS website echoed what I had said if they wanted to check. My area manager was a different story. He starts half an hour later than me and literally the second he saw me.
“Oh. So you’ve finally decided to come in, have you?”
Yes.
“So what was wrong with you then?
Viral Gastroenteritis
“What?”
Stomach flu. Fever, stomach cramps, arse like a muddy tap.
“Oh and that just happened overnight did it?”
Well... Yeah. (I did feel awful on the Monday but I assumed it was down to my cricket celebrations)
This train of questioning and anger carried on for a while, I had to explain that living in a shared house means I am more likely to get sick, simply because if one person is ill and doesn’t tell everyone else it’s likely to spread quickly. He then moaned at me for ignoring the message he’d sent me on Tuesday; which was him moaning about something else. Surprising that I couldn’t be arsed to get in to a fight over text whilst the world tumbled out of my arse but there you go.
Very close to firing up Indeed/Gumtree etc right now. Can not be arsed.
Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
Marty McFly
Seagulls Over Canada
I now work from home. Unfortunately this means I am now chief bellcheese of the Ottawa Valley 
OK. I have been having a running battle with colleagues at my uni where 8 of 14 students on one course were called into an interview with an invitation to admit to plagiarism (of face a tribunal). Then the original markers were invited to adjust their marks. Three of the three I have spoken with have said 'fark off, there is no plagiarism'.
So what happened?
We use a sustem called turnitin that identifies shared word strings with material online. If a % is hit (at say 30%) you can use this as a trigger to look at the matches. Usually we find the original source material said 'we examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67%' and they student changed it to ''they examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67% (source cited)' Not plagiarism. Fact.
So the course organiser should look at this and recognise no plagiarism and off to bed.
Unfortunately my colleague pulled all the 30% students in and read the riot act.
Now apparently a whole lot of angry students have set up a what's app group (or whatever it is called) with a view to doing us down.
My HoD accused me of throwing fuel on the fire by objecting to this cockwomblery. Until I found the 25 pages of regs on plagiarism on the uni web site and pointed out the course organiser should have made a decision before calling the students in....
I don't like to see needless suffering. My own student was ****ed over by this bollocks and is seething.
The equivalent is this. You arrive at the Amex and a police camera has identified red green and gold in your car interior. You are then invided to attend Bow Street Magistrate's court to be interrogated about possible Mary Juhana smoking in your car. You turn up and are invited to singe a confession or have your case transferred to the Old Bailey with a fair chance you'll be stripped of your UK citizenship. This is not satire, it is exactly what happened, in analogy format.
And people wonder why I get angry? FFS.
So what happened?
We use a sustem called turnitin that identifies shared word strings with material online. If a % is hit (at say 30%) you can use this as a trigger to look at the matches. Usually we find the original source material said 'we examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67%' and they student changed it to ''they examined 250 carrots, 300 beetroot and 740 onions and found legionalla in 25% and pasteurella in 67% (source cited)' Not plagiarism. Fact.
So the course organiser should look at this and recognise no plagiarism and off to bed.
Unfortunately my colleague pulled all the 30% students in and read the riot act.
Now apparently a whole lot of angry students have set up a what's app group (or whatever it is called) with a view to doing us down.
My HoD accused me of throwing fuel on the fire by objecting to this cockwomblery. Until I found the 25 pages of regs on plagiarism on the uni web site and pointed out the course organiser should have made a decision before calling the students in....
I don't like to see needless suffering. My own student was ****ed over by this bollocks and is seething.
The equivalent is this. You arrive at the Amex and a police camera has identified red green and gold in your car interior. You are then invided to attend Bow Street Magistrate's court to be interrogated about possible Mary Juhana smoking in your car. You turn up and are invited to singe a confession or have your case transferred to the Old Bailey with a fair chance you'll be stripped of your UK citizenship. This is not satire, it is exactly what happened, in analogy format.
And people wonder why I get angry? FFS.
The trouble with you is you're not aggressive enough.
One of my proudest achievements was in hearing that my previous head of HR (or personnel as it was then) had been asked to leave without having time to clear his desk partly as a direct result of me being one of the first to stand up to him and his mendacious methods. Obviously I had already lost my job by then, but it was quite satisfying.