Bell Cheeses at work

[The Clamp]

If your company wants to go down that route, tell them they need to put some suitable paid on-call arrangements in place.

I was just up front and said I won't be doing that. I don't wish to be on call in my sleep time and it's never been brought up again.

 

[Frutos]

There is a woman on my team at work who is driving everyone insane.

She was off on long term sick (stress) for months, to the point where it was assumed she wouldn't be returning, but since she has every effort has been made by both staff and management to support her, ensure that her workload is kept manageable, her hours can be as flexible as she needs them to be etc...

The problems are that she refuses to accept any assistance of any kind with her work, but then moans endlessly and loudly that she has far too much to do. She is also adamant that absolutely everything was better when she joined the organisation about 20 years ago, and refuses to see that any change implemented since can be anything but a bad thing. The literally DAYS she spent trying to understand (despite being told and shown multiple times) how to access her emails on our new Windows 10 PCs is a recent example. Every email or document she does manage to open is read accompanied with tutting, sighting and complaining at about every third word.

This week, however, she has scaled new heights. She has a cold, not uncommon at this time of year, but instead of either taking time off or medicating and getting on with it, she is choosing to carry on while reminding everyone about every 3.7 seconds how unwell she is and how much effort she is putting in to carry on as normal, interspersed with enough coughing, sneezing and spluttering to put people off their work and/or lunch.

All of this is while wrapped in more layers than your average Eskimo on a fishing trip - I know Newcastle is generally cold, but our office certainly isn't!

And breathe.

 

[Hampden Park]

as mentioned in an earlier post Frutos, shit in her handbag and give her something to really moan about

 

[Cian]

I realised a few weeks ago that a good half of our hefty printing costs were two people printing and retyping orders from one system to another. Long term plans to make that automatic haven't happened yet and their roles wouldn't be redundant anyway (its an ad scheduling system, there's a lot of manual fiddling) but dual screens would make them able to copy/paste or at least see both

Buy the monitors, set them up. One of them acted as if I'd shat in her handbag. She has now "broken" the second screen on at least three occasions by pulling cables out of it, including the back of the PC after I sugru'd the "loose" video cable to the monitor.

If she's that worried that a second screen could show her up as inefficient, I wonder what she'll do when the CRM->Ad system link is actually done. She does get her job done without issue though so I'm not sure what she's worried about.

In a separate coming horror, we used to have 3-5 annoying work experience kids in a week. We don't have the space to park them where we used to - which was near my desk - so I don't have to listen to them singing along to the tracks being played or similar crap anymore. We've just been told they're taking TWENTY FIVE in in one week in February.

I have decided to take that week and the week after off (just in case it gets postponed due to snow or something).

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

My team have achieved 270% growth vs. 2016-17, have moved from nowhere to second biggest supplier in our market in 18 months and have just been awarded two new contracts worth 1/2 million. Do you know what we got as a “thankyou”.?

A £10 costa voucher.

 

[Justice]

My team have achieved 270% growth vs. 2016-17, have moved from nowhere to second biggest supplier in our market in 18 months and have just been awarded two new contracts worth 1/2 million. Do you know what we got as a “thankyou”.?

A £10 costa voucher.

And that’s why I’m self employed

 

[Lady Whistledown]

My team have achieved 270% growth vs. 2016-17, have moved from nowhere to second biggest supplier in our market in 18 months and have just been awarded two new contracts worth 1/2 million. Do you know what we got as a “thankyou”.?

A £10 costa voucher.

That's below minimum wage, surely.

 

[Cian]

It seems that quite recently someone:

Broke the break glass unit on our front door to get out
Unscrewed the unit to get the glass out
TAPED IT BACK TOGETHER
Put it back in

It didn't stand up to the pressure and released the doors this morning.

 

[pishhead]

Not sure if this deserves a place in here but what the heck.
Today/ tonight we are having our annual conference/recognition evening. An email was sent in error to a colleague from one of our directors detailing the budget for drinks/food for the evening part of the day. 4 quid per person! As a collective the group of managers have brought in close to 15 million worth of sales! For context last year we had 2 days at Celtic manor and this year we have the function room in a pub booked.

 

[timbha]

Not sure if this deserves a place in here but what the heck.
Today/ tonight we are having our annual conference/recognition evening. An email was sent in error to a colleague from one of our directors detailing the budget for drinks/food for the evening part of the day. 4 quid per person! As a collective the group of managers have brought in close to 15 million worth of sales! For context last year we had 2 days at Celtic manor and this year we have the function room in a pub booked.

Some companies/directors just don’t realise the harm they can do by not thinking things thru just so they can tick the box of having a conference/recognition event. Everyone hates them don’t they? And even the ones who’ve been excited for weeks suddenly can’t make it or slope off early.

£4? Drink your pint and them go home

 

[Easy 10]

We've had a guy come round today to scrub our keyboards and clean our screens. I minced off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea while he did mine.

When I came back, one of my two screens was off and wouldn't come back on again, my Minnesota Twins baseball was on the floor under my desk, and one of the prop-up legs on the back of my keyboard had been snapped off.

Cheers fella.

 

[timbha]

We've had a guy come round today to scrub our keyboards and clean our screens. I minced off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea while he did mine.

When I came back, one of my two screens was off and wouldn't come back on again, my Minnesota Twins baseball was on the floor under my desk, and one of the prop-up legs on the back of my keyboard had been snapped off.

Cheers fella.

Made me laugh.

Are those services the biggest con known to man ? Just lift up your keyboard, turn it over, give it a shake...... and there’s last week’s dried out sandwich fillings

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Not sure if this deserves a place in here but what the heck.
Today/ tonight we are having our annual conference/recognition evening. An email was sent in error to a colleague from one of our directors detailing the budget for drinks/food for the evening part of the day. 4 quid per person! As a collective the group of managers have brought in close to 15 million worth of sales! For context last year we had 2 days at Celtic manor and this year we have the function room in a pub booked.

It's called a Brexit Dividend

 

[BBassic]

We've had a guy come round today to scrub our keyboards and clean our screens. I minced off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea while he did mine.

When I came back, one of my two screens was off and wouldn't come back on again, my Minnesota Twins baseball was on the floor under my desk, and one of the prop-up legs on the back of my keyboard had been snapped off.

Cheers fella.

Somebody is paid actual money to clean your keyboards and screens?

What a time to be alive.

 

[Easy 10]

Made me laugh.

Are those services the biggest con known to man ? Just lift up your keyboard, turn it over, give it a shake...... and there’s last week’s dried out sandwich fillings

Yup, completely agree. I'll periodically turn it upside down and give it a little rat-a-tat-tat on the desk to empty out the dried breadcrumbs, crisp fragments and general detritus of the last month or so, before arbitrarily hand-sweeping it all onto the floor. Job done.

God knows how much we pay to have some bloke come round to lay waste and totally wreck our workstations every few months. I might try to find out actually.

 

[Easy 10]

Somebody is paid actual money to clean your keyboards and screens?

What a time to be alive.

Ridiculous innit.

After the scenes of destruction and devastation I returned to today, I think I'll give him the "naah, mines ok thanks" next time he comes lurking round. He even left it with the CAPS LOCK on, for christs sake.

 

[Argartu]

and one of the prop-up legs on the back of my keyboard had been snapped off.

Thoughts and prayers are being sent, hopefully you get a replacement rather than having to deal with the nightmare of a wobbly keyboard.

 

[Easy 10]

Thoughts and prayers are being sent, hopefully you get a replacement rather than having to deal with the nightmare of a wobbly keyboard.

Thank you for your kind remarks during this difficult time - at present, a yellow sticky pad is being used as a makeshift prop to stop my keyboard feeling like one of those annoying pub tables you get on uneven patios. Thus far, its been bearable.

I'm likely to be the last to leave the office this evening though, and so shall take the opportunity to skulk around on the snide and source a replacement from somewhere. They've got the new HP ones next door on some of the hotdesks. A considerable upgrade on this Octigen dreck I've been putting up with, so this could well turn out for the better.

 

[DavidRyder]

We've had a guy come round today to scrub our keyboards and clean our screens. I minced off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea while he did mine.

When I came back, one of my two screens was off and wouldn't come back on again, my Minnesota Twins baseball was on the floor under my desk, and one of the prop-up legs on the back of my keyboard had been snapped off.

Cheers fella.

Must be a White Sox fan (thanks Google...)

 

[pishhead]

Some companies/directors just don’t realise the harm they can do by not thinking things thru just so they can tick the box of having a conference/recognition event. Everyone hates them don’t they? And even the ones who’ve been excited for weeks suddenly can’t make it or slope off early.

£4? Drink your pint and them go home

That's exactly it. I can see it getting a bit lively this evening. Hopefully will have plenty of bell cheesery to report on in the coming days.