Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,172
Go and enjoy it. Just make sure you do the shooting before the drinking!
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Go and enjoy it. Just make sure you do the shooting before the drinking!
Baldseagull
Well-known member
The signs go up prior to the water being heated to over 60 degrees, rather than heating it up first and having a period of unwarned scalding water. The temperature increase is to pasteurise the system.
Baldseagull
Well-known member
Go, feign a shoulder injury caused by the recoil, and take a couple of days off. Foxy head of HR may even tend to your injury if you are lucky, even if it is just to find out if you intend to sue.
Jim Van Winkle
Well-known member
Health and safety gone mad innit.
Bad Ash
Unregistered User
Our company uses Workplace by Facebook. There was a post today by one of the Business Unit Presidents (yes, we're US owned) which finished with the line "Let's make <name of Business Unit> Great Again!"
schmunk
Why oh why oh why?
I think he's just given tacit approval to you grabbing your colleagues by the pussy. Go for it!
DerekZoolander
Active member
- Aug 15, 2011
- 175
I know business speak has been well documented on here, but why do people have to abbreviate things to just letters, MOQ, OTIF what the **** does that mean?
Just spell it out you lazy ****.
****.
Just spell it out you lazy ****.
****.
Curious Orange
Punxsatawney Phil
I had a conversation with a friend the other day where he was telling me about his SAP company... and I had to admit I didn't know what that was... despite working in IT for the best part of twenty years!
beorhthelm
A. Virgo, Football Genius
- Jul 21, 2003
- 36,002
i've noticed a new pattern forming in projects. we have "deployment teams" now, "resources" are allocated to a project, unannounced, to be trained in the application for new deployment and support. so far so outsourcing, problem is the project aren't that far along, backend stuff (like developing key functionality...) yet to be completed. so these chaps sit around for week waiting for things to do, then taken off the project because either a) retention is poor b) the project has run over its allotted time for that "resource". anyone seen this or is this an innovative way to be inefficient?
It's halloween next week, my favourite holiday of the year*. My office is having its annual halloween party featuring a "best costume" competition. It will be exactly the same as the previous 2 years; we'll all gather in the big meeting room, have a couple of cans of beer and a few nibbles which wouldn't look out-of-place at a kid's birthday party. The usual six people will have bothered wearing a costume and we'll be forced to judge which one should win the prize (guaranteed to be a $20 Starbucks gift card).
One of the HR ladies has decided this is such a momentous occasion, it requires posters advertising such a fact. So now our office looks like a university campus, with full colour posters hastily taped up all over the place. The party is during working hours, we really don't need to be reminded about it. The same HR lady will spend the morning of the party asking everyone what their costume is going to be. She knows full well most of us won't be wearing one, but that won't stop her.
*it's not.
One of the HR ladies has decided this is such a momentous occasion, it requires posters advertising such a fact. So now our office looks like a university campus, with full colour posters hastily taped up all over the place. The party is during working hours, we really don't need to be reminded about it. The same HR lady will spend the morning of the party asking everyone what their costume is going to be. She knows full well most of us won't be wearing one, but that won't stop her.
*it's not.
pearl
Well-known member
what a nightmare, halloween 'party' during the day? How ridiculous
That'd be a working from home day.
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,919
Do you have any outsourced IT teams (from ‘offshore’) located in your offices? If not, I reckon your IT department is about to get made redundant.
This thread has reminded me to post about Colin, a VERY strange man I worked with at an orange supermarket. I’ll write some stories up when I’m at a computer - and upload some of his CV. It’s amazing.
Annoyingly I have meeting I need to be in for that morning. I think I'll show my face at the party, grab a beer, then head back to my desk to finish off some "important work".
Take a chainsaw in cut her head off that’s guaranteed $20
Nope, sorry, I have no idea what you just said.
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
Got a new job last year and it’s been great. It’s a pretty small company - if you don’t include the temp or the manager then there’s 7 of us. Everyone gets on fairly well and it’s genuinely nice place to work and apart from a few annoying quirks here or there I’d happily say it’s Bell Cheese free.
Then we got a Christmas temp: Jesus f*cking Christ. He works with me in the warehouse, it’s pretty simple goods in/out work but good lord does he make it hard work. He’s only working 24 hours a week at the moment and I am relieved that it’s not a minute more. I don’t even know where to start.
He constantly moans about how boring the job is, how he can’t wait to get home, how slow the day is going etc etc. However despite that he also asks if he can stay later to pick up some more hours. Maybe he thinks that when he leaves we stop working, one of the walls rotates 180 degrees and a water slide appears so we can have an awesome party for the last hour. Oh and despite his lust for more hours he very rarely actually stays until the end of his shift, frequently just vanishing with 5-10 minutes of his shift left without saying bye to anyone.
He moans about the radio constantly. We normally have Radio 1 on because our radio only picks up about 4 stations and the other options are Capital, Heart & a classical station. He hates every song, he hates every presenter (even Greg James who I thought was universally liked), every piece of live music sounds shit apparently. He moaned the other day that they played an old song (2014ish). The next day I let him put his phone on the AUX and had to suffer through 6 hours of cheesy 80’s classics. Hearing “this song is shit” 40 times a day has pushed me to breaking point.
He has been there over 2 months now but it’s like he’s been there two weeks. He has made absolutely no improvement or learnt even the most basic parts of his job. Give him a list of 12 orders to pick; 8 from the nearest warehouse & 4 from the furtherest warehouse, and he’ll be gone for an eternity before he returns with 4 of the orders. Apparently doing both parts of the list at once would confuse him. Bare in mind that picking the numbers is simply reading a part number and picking up the corresponding part.
He’s slow at picking the orders, but he’s even slower at packing them to the point where even on quiet days you can’t leave him alone on daily orders whilst you do bigger jobs because you’ll come back to a mountain of orders and him slowly plodding through them with absolutely no urgency. That’s if he does any work at all. On more than one occasion I’ve had the warehouse manager ask me to stop whatever job I’m doing so I can go and stand in the packing room because the second the temps left alone he just sits on his phone.
There’s an unwritten rule at work that if you get in early you start working when you get there. We also don’t take a proper lunch break, but people take 5-10 minutes if they have food. The flip side to this is everyone is entitled to a fag break every 60-90 minutes and if you ever need to shoot out early for a doctors appointment (or to head to football
) then you’ve earned that time so there’s no questions asked. The temp does not care. He’ll stand in the entrance of work until the second his shift starts. If you have food he’ll stop in his tracks and sit on his phone until you finish eating. It’s got to the point where we had a container of stock arrive the other day and he snuck around the back of the industrial estate so he could wait inside until his shift started.
He’s also made absolutely no effort to fit in. Refuses to add anyone on social media. Quite often refuses to come out on fag breaks (I don’t smoke but go out for a chat). Refuses to make anybody a cuppa. The other day we were watching a flock of 8 seagulls and a crow all fight over some cakes (it was funnier than it sounds, okay). We were putting bets on who would win and it was just a nice moment of silliness whilst having a break from work. He sat upstairs on his phone until 5 minutes before the end of his shift and then just walked past all of us without saying a word and went home.
Oh and he took a week off work sick, where he emailed in on the Monday and then made no further contact.
The worrying thing is the fact he’s not a 16/17 year old kid in his first job. He’s in his 30’s or 40’s. Sadly we’re stuck with him until after Christmas now as apparently it’s too late to get somebody in and train them in time, despite the fact a child would do better without any training.
I can’t wait for Christmas to be over already.
*and breathe*
Then we got a Christmas temp: Jesus f*cking Christ. He works with me in the warehouse, it’s pretty simple goods in/out work but good lord does he make it hard work. He’s only working 24 hours a week at the moment and I am relieved that it’s not a minute more. I don’t even know where to start.
He constantly moans about how boring the job is, how he can’t wait to get home, how slow the day is going etc etc. However despite that he also asks if he can stay later to pick up some more hours. Maybe he thinks that when he leaves we stop working, one of the walls rotates 180 degrees and a water slide appears so we can have an awesome party for the last hour. Oh and despite his lust for more hours he very rarely actually stays until the end of his shift, frequently just vanishing with 5-10 minutes of his shift left without saying bye to anyone.
He moans about the radio constantly. We normally have Radio 1 on because our radio only picks up about 4 stations and the other options are Capital, Heart & a classical station. He hates every song, he hates every presenter (even Greg James who I thought was universally liked), every piece of live music sounds shit apparently. He moaned the other day that they played an old song (2014ish). The next day I let him put his phone on the AUX and had to suffer through 6 hours of cheesy 80’s classics. Hearing “this song is shit” 40 times a day has pushed me to breaking point.
He has been there over 2 months now but it’s like he’s been there two weeks. He has made absolutely no improvement or learnt even the most basic parts of his job. Give him a list of 12 orders to pick; 8 from the nearest warehouse & 4 from the furtherest warehouse, and he’ll be gone for an eternity before he returns with 4 of the orders. Apparently doing both parts of the list at once would confuse him. Bare in mind that picking the numbers is simply reading a part number and picking up the corresponding part.
He’s slow at picking the orders, but he’s even slower at packing them to the point where even on quiet days you can’t leave him alone on daily orders whilst you do bigger jobs because you’ll come back to a mountain of orders and him slowly plodding through them with absolutely no urgency. That’s if he does any work at all. On more than one occasion I’ve had the warehouse manager ask me to stop whatever job I’m doing so I can go and stand in the packing room because the second the temps left alone he just sits on his phone.
There’s an unwritten rule at work that if you get in early you start working when you get there. We also don’t take a proper lunch break, but people take 5-10 minutes if they have food. The flip side to this is everyone is entitled to a fag break every 60-90 minutes and if you ever need to shoot out early for a doctors appointment (or to head to football
) then you’ve earned that time so there’s no questions asked. The temp does not care. He’ll stand in the entrance of work until the second his shift starts. If you have food he’ll stop in his tracks and sit on his phone until you finish eating. It’s got to the point where we had a container of stock arrive the other day and he snuck around the back of the industrial estate so he could wait inside until his shift started.He’s also made absolutely no effort to fit in. Refuses to add anyone on social media. Quite often refuses to come out on fag breaks (I don’t smoke but go out for a chat). Refuses to make anybody a cuppa. The other day we were watching a flock of 8 seagulls and a crow all fight over some cakes (it was funnier than it sounds, okay). We were putting bets on who would win and it was just a nice moment of silliness whilst having a break from work. He sat upstairs on his phone until 5 minutes before the end of his shift and then just walked past all of us without saying a word and went home.
Oh and he took a week off work sick, where he emailed in on the Monday and then made no further contact.
The worrying thing is the fact he’s not a 16/17 year old kid in his first job. He’s in his 30’s or 40’s. Sadly we’re stuck with him until after Christmas now as apparently it’s too late to get somebody in and train them in time, despite the fact a child would do better without any training.
I can’t wait for Christmas to be over already.
*and breathe*
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,939
- Thread starter
- #3,738
Fecking hell [MENTION=29779]Whitechapel[/MENTION] xmas temps in October? I haven't got my coat out yet ffs. Whose buying christmas stuff now?
Eggman
Well-known member
Fair one.
E
Eric Youngs Contact Lense
Guest
[MENTION=29779]Whitechapel[/MENTION] - enjoyed that read.. and your frustration came across perfectly. Key question though : who won? The flock of seagulls or the crow??