Bell Cheeses at work

[timbha]

I must admit, I am also guilty of having my junk delivered at work. Highlights would be a large awning (so long it wouldn't fit in the lift, and had to be humped up and then down 6 flights of stairs), and a fairly heavy coffee table that arrived in sections over the course of 3 days.

You didn’t have an exhaust pipe delivered once did you?

 

[Mental Lental]

You know how people order parcels to the office because they don't want to get home to find one of those "we're sorry we missed you" cards on their doormat? Our office is quite happy for people to order things, and I do it myself maybe once or twice a month. However, there's a guy on my team who seems to get every single thing he buys delivered to the office. A day doesn't go by without our poor receptionist lugging some parcel over here and dumping it on his desk. Recent things he's ordered include: 2 large rugs, a back massager, a ukulele, a case of beer, and a mop.

What makes it particularly stupid is that he lives in a building with a concierge who can accept parcels. He could just get it delivered to his home address and collect it when he gets home. Instead, he waits for a big enough pile of parcels to build up at work and then hires a ZipCar for a couple of hours so he can come to the office and pick everything up.

This is his pile from just last week (yes, that's a mop at the front).

View attachment 101323

Start ordering some stuff to be delivered to the office in his name. Embarrassing stuff. That mop would go very well with a foot long Black Mamba next to it.

 

[Spicy]

You know how people order parcels to the office because they don't want to get home to find one of those "we're sorry we missed you" cards on their doormat? Our office is quite happy for people to order things, and I do it myself maybe once or twice a month. However, there's a guy on my team who seems to get every single thing he buys delivered to the office. A day doesn't go by without our poor receptionist lugging some parcel over here and dumping it on his desk. Recent things he's ordered include: 2 large rugs, a back massager, a ukulele, a case of beer, and a mop.

What makes it particularly stupid is that he lives in a building with a concierge who can accept parcels. He could just get it delivered to his home address and collect it when he gets home. Instead, he waits for a big enough pile of parcels to build up at work and then hires a ZipCar for a couple of hours so he can come to the office and pick everything up.

This is his pile from just last week (yes, that's a mop at the front).

View attachment 101323

I would arrange for maintenance or the porters to remove it all and store it away somewhere to see if he notices. His reaction would be interesting.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

View attachment 101323

Start ordering some stuff to be delivered to the office in his name. Embarrassing stuff. That mop would go very well with a foot long Black Mamba next to it.

I think the guy already has that covered (immediately behind the mop) - only he's gone for the 18" 'executive' model.

 

[SpongebobSquarepants]

Does anyone else have the person in office who overreacts to fire alarm testing?
Ours goes off every Tuesday at 10 and without fail the annoying old lady (who sits next to the annoying girl with the ridiculously loud laugh) jumps out of her skin, looks around nervously and says "Is it an actual drill".

 

[METALMICKY]

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

I have to be seven sheets to the wind, absolutely trollied out of my tiny box, staggering around on a rainswept sink estate at 2am, having had nothing but a Pot Noodle and bag of pork scratchings in the preceding 12 hours. I don't think I've EVER consumed a kebab sober, much less at my desk in a lunchbreak.

Your office must smell like a turkish knocking shop.

I'm with you on this one. And this has always led me to query as to why the police always bother with breathalysers? Simply waft a kebab under the suspect's nose and should start to salivate they are obviously over the limit. Should they recoil it's " on your way sir and thank you ". Simple!

 

[Argartu]

Does anyone else have the person in office who overreacts to fire alarm testing?
Ours goes off every Tuesday at 10 and without fail the annoying old lady (who sits next to the annoying girl with the ridiculously loud laugh) jumps out of her skin, looks around nervously and says "Is it an actual drill".

Bring a cordless drill with you to work next Tuesday. Hide in desk drawer. When she asks if it's an actual drill, pull the drill out and say "No, but this is. Now you know what an actual drill is, you don't need to ask any more"

 

[BNthree]

If you've got to be drunk to eat a kebab you must go to some pretty awful kebab shops. A proper kebab is delicious.

 

[strings]

I have just reached a new level of bellcheesery...

...my wife has ordered a package to my place of work. I wanted to cringe when she told me!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

If you've got to be drunk to eat a kebab you must go to some pretty awful kebab shops. A proper kebab is delicious.

This. Nothing nicer than a tasty lunchtime gyro in the sun

 

[hans kraay fan club]

So, this weekend was our annual COMPANY CONFERENCE.

210 people. Completely unjustifiably expensive hotel in the Cotswolds. Drinks, then sit down meal on the Friday evening. Presentations in an auditorium from 08.45am - 12.00pm Saturday morning. Then after lunch - team building challenges.

I, along with anyone with an ounce of sense in our small team (basically everyone bar CRISPS and NOISE), have swerved the whole thing for about 5 years running. This year, this having been noted at head office, our manager instructed that he'd be accepting no excuses this year. So we all dutifully accepted (and then HE baled out at the last minute - for a funeral, tbf)

Panned out as follows:

Drove up Friday afternoon, via a hastily arranged, entirely unnecessary meeting - designed solely to ensure that there was no possibility of the Golden Girls travelling with me in my car.

My normal mate and I head to the bar, for a couple of pints at eye-watering, Cotswold conference hotel prices, before heading to the drinks reception.

At the drinks reception it is clear that a lot of girls from head office have made a lot of effort. There's free beer and plenty of eye candy, so the evening isn't a complete write off. My genuinely odd Northern engineer arrives, takes 30 seconds taking in the hubbub of all the unfamiliar people, and announces "I can't deal with this" and is gone, not seen again until the next day. He's an odd chap, with no social skills. Crisps and Noise appear next, having shared a bottle of wine upstairs to avoid the hotel prices.

We make a plan that the second the ballroom doors open, we have the lose the Golden Girls, and find ourselves a table with less annoying company. Successfully ditch them in the surge, only to be DEVASTATED to discover there is a sodding table plan. Just locate the table in time to at least reorganize the place settings, so I'm sitting between two strangers, with the GG the other side of the big table. 'Terri' turns out to be a cute Geordie lass, about 25 years old, so small victory there.

The meal is average at best. Not at all impressive. There is a pointless QUIZ, which literally every table appears to be cheating at, with their phones. And speeches. Yay. We set to having a reasonably enjoyable chat with Terri and her Polish mate, who has a fantastic figure and a man's face. Meanwhile Crisps has set about the wine on the table. Its a table for 12, but two seats are unoccupied. There's 3 bottles of white and 3 red. I don't drink wine. Nor does my mate. The Polish manbird is teetotal. Crisps is up for the challenge, with only limited help from Noise. As a rough estimate Crisps has done two bottles of white on her own. As the meal ends I note the pikey cow slipping an unopened red into her bag.

We escape from their company as soon as the sit down stuff is over, so see no more of them that night.

At breakfast there's no sign of either of the GG. Two minutes before the start of the conference presentations and I spot them. Noise is her usual bustling, cheerful self. I've never mentioned that in her time outside of work, Noise is BROWN OWL at the local Brownie group. Everything she does IN work, is basically in her BROWN OWL persona. I actually quite like the woman really, even if she is amazingly annoying. Crisps is not cheery, this morning. Crisps is almost dead. She looks about 100 (she's about 60), is tinged with a fetching shade of green, and looks in AGONY.

She mostly sleeps through the morning presentations, waking briefly only to disappear to the bathroom twice. She didn't miss much. I learned some stuff about marketing and 'influencers' and other PR stuff entirely unrelated to either my job, or in fact reality in general. She missed our UK CEO explain excitedly how the global company had topped £3bn for the first time, had achieved 10% growth in a tough market, and why there was no cash for us to have a pay rise...

At 10.30 there's a coffee break, and we are reminded that anyone yet to check out of their room needs to do so. I've cleared mine earlier but nip back to my empty room for a bit of privacy to jettison the cooked breakfast. The GG rush off looking panicked - Crisps almost jogging - like zombies 'run' in the walking dead.

I find out later (they tell me nothing because I generally ignore them, but they mother my younger mate, and confide in him...) that poor Noise has been up most of the night in Crisps' room, stripping her bed after she's covered it in projectile vomit, and generally having to nurse her. They'd used the break to try to clean the room up a bit, after hearing in the general chatter about the infamous incident of a girl who 'left' soon after the company got an 'additional cleaning charge' for her room at last year's event!

Team building was a predictable waste of everyone's time. Stupid challenges, and everyone cheated, anyway.

Crisps has been very quiet at work so far this week, especially when our manager was asking me how the weekend was. I've saved him the details of her mess - mentioned only that she had a little too much, and suffered for it. I imagine she has an uncomfortable few days, waiting to see if there is any comeback from the hotel.

The silly ****.

 

[WATFORD zero]

This. Nothing nicer than a tasty lunchtime gyro in the sun

But getting to the Mediterranean can prove a bit of a challenge when you can hardly stand (let alone walk) in West Street at 2.30 on a Sunday morning

 

[Notters]

I'm sure there's a post earlier in this thread somewhere from me about the absolutely amazing kebab shop near my old company's start up office in a shitty bit of the Isle of Dogs. The spicy chicken in naan bread was out of this world, basically a tandoori chicken kebab wrapped in a perfect naan with a tiny bit of salad as an afterthough and a can of full fat coke. Once a month or so the small, all male team would get them in and eat them in the development room together which, obviously, then smelled of a Turkish knocking shop.

They're all like that up here, presumably due to the large asian population - you don't really seem to get the turkish sort.

 

[TheJasperCo]

So, this weekend was our annual COMPANY CONFERENCE.

210 people. Completely unjustifiably expensive hotel in the Cotswolds. Drinks, then sit down meal on the Friday evening. Presentations in an auditorium from 08.45am - 12.00pm Saturday morning. Then after lunch - team building challenges.

I, along with anyone with an ounce of sense in our small team (basically everyone bar CRISPS and NOISE), have swerved the whole thing for about 5 years running. This year, this having been noted at head office, our manager instructed that he'd be accepting no excuses this year. So we all dutifully accepted (and then HE baled out at the last minute - for a funeral, tbf)

Panned out as follows:

Drove up Friday afternoon, via a hastily arranged, entirely unnecessary meeting - designed solely to ensure that there was no possibility of the Golden Girls travelling with me in my car.

My normal mate and I head to the bar, for a couple of pints at eye-watering, Cotswold conference hotel prices, before heading to the drinks reception.

At the drinks reception it is clear that a lot of girls from head office have made a lot of effort. There's free beer and plenty of eye candy, so the evening isn't a complete write off. My genuinely odd Northern engineer arrives, takes 30 seconds taking in the hubbub of all the unfamiliar people, and announces "I can't deal with this" and is gone, not seen again until the next day. He's an odd chap, with no social skills. Crisps and Noise appear next, having shared a bottle of wine upstairs to avoid the hotel prices.

We make a plan that the second the ballroom doors open, we have the lose the Golden Girls, and find ourselves a table with less annoying company. Successfully ditch them in the surge, only to be DEVASTATED to discover there is a sodding table plan. Just locate the table in time to at least reorganize the place settings, so I'm sitting between two strangers, with the GG the other side of the big table. 'Terri' turns out to be a cute Geordie lass, about 25 years old, so small victory there.

The meal is average at best. Not at all impressive. There is a pointless QUIZ, which literally every table appears to be cheating at, with their phones. And speeches. Yay. We set to having a reasonably enjoyable chat with Terri and her Polish mate, who has a fantastic figure and a man's face. Meanwhile Crisps has set about the wine on the table. Its a table for 12, but two seats are unoccupied. There's 3 bottles of white and 3 red. I don't drink wine. Nor does my mate. The Polish manbird is teetotal. Crisps is up for the challenge, with only limited help from Noise. As a rough estimate Crisps has done two bottles of white on her own. As the meal ends I note the pikey cow slipping an unopened red into her bag.

We escape from their company as soon as the sit down stuff is over, so see no more of them that night.

At breakfast there's no sign of either of the GG. Two minutes before the start of the conference presentations and I spot them. Noise is her usual bustling, cheerful self. I've never mentioned that in her time outside of work, Noise is BROWN OWL at the local Brownie group. Everything she does IN work, is basically in her BROWN OWL persona. I actually quite like the woman really, even if she is amazingly annoying. Crisps is not cheery, this morning. Crisps is almost dead. She looks about 100 (she's about 60), is tinged with a fetching shade of green, and looks in AGONY.

She mostly sleeps through the morning presentations, waking briefly only to disappear to the bathroom twice. She didn't miss much. I learned some stuff about marketing and 'influencers' and other PR stuff entirely unrelated to either my job, or in fact reality in general. She missed our UK CEO explain excitedly how the global company had topped £3bn for the first time, had achieved 10% growth in a tough market, and why there was no cash for us to have a pay rise...

At 10.30 there's a coffee break, and we are reminded that anyone yet to check out of their room needs to do so. I've cleared mine earlier but nip back to my empty room for a bit of privacy to jettison the cooked breakfast. The GG rush off looking panicked - Crisps almost jogging - like zombies 'run' in the walking dead.

I find out later (they tell me nothing because I generally ignore them, but they mother my younger mate, and confide in him...) that poor Noise has been up most of the night in Crisps' room, stripping her bed after she's covered it in projectile vomit, and generally having to nurse her. They'd used the break to try to clean the room up a bit, after hearing in the general chatter about the infamous incident of a girl who 'left' soon after the company got an 'additional cleaning charge' for her room at last year's event!

Team building was a predictable waste of everyone's time. Stupid challenges, and everyone cheated, anyway.

Crisps has been very quiet at work so far this week, especially when our manager was asking me how the weekend was. I've saved him the details of her mess - mentioned only that she had a little too much, and suffered for it. I imagine she has an uncomfortable few days, waiting to see if there is any comeback from the hotel.

The silly ****.

It's going to be a copy-and-paste job for your Christmas party in eight weeks' time isn't it?

 

[dazzer6666]

So, this weekend was our annual COMPANY CONFERENCE.

210 people. Completely unjustifiably expensive hotel in the Cotswolds. Drinks, then sit down meal on the Friday evening. Presentations in an auditorium from 08.45am - 12.00pm Saturday morning. Then after lunch - team building challenges.

I, along with anyone with an ounce of sense in our small team (basically everyone bar CRISPS and NOISE), have swerved the whole thing for about 5 years running. This year, this having been noted at head office, our manager instructed that he'd be accepting no excuses this year. So we all dutifully accepted (and then HE baled out at the last minute - for a funeral, tbf)

Panned out as follows:

Drove up Friday afternoon, via a hastily arranged, entirely unnecessary meeting - designed solely to ensure that there was no possibility of the Golden Girls travelling with me in my car.

My normal mate and I head to the bar, for a couple of pints at eye-watering, Cotswold conference hotel prices, before heading to the drinks reception.

At the drinks reception it is clear that a lot of girls from head office have made a lot of effort. There's free beer and plenty of eye candy, so the evening isn't a complete write off. My genuinely odd Northern engineer arrives, takes 30 seconds taking in the hubbub of all the unfamiliar people, and announces "I can't deal with this" and is gone, not seen again until the next day. He's an odd chap, with no social skills. Crisps and Noise appear next, having shared a bottle of wine upstairs to avoid the hotel prices.

We make a plan that the second the ballroom doors open, we have the lose the Golden Girls, and find ourselves a table with less annoying company. Successfully ditch them in the surge, only to be DEVASTATED to discover there is a sodding table plan. Just locate the table in time to at least reorganize the place settings, so I'm sitting between two strangers, with the GG the other side of the big table. 'Terri' turns out to be a cute Geordie lass, about 25 years old, so small victory there.

The meal is average at best. Not at all impressive. There is a pointless QUIZ, which literally every table appears to be cheating at, with their phones. And speeches. Yay. We set to having a reasonably enjoyable chat with Terri and her Polish mate, who has a fantastic figure and a man's face. Meanwhile Crisps has set about the wine on the table. Its a table for 12, but two seats are unoccupied. There's 3 bottles of white and 3 red. I don't drink wine. Nor does my mate. The Polish manbird is teetotal. Crisps is up for the challenge, with only limited help from Noise. As a rough estimate Crisps has done two bottles of white on her own. As the meal ends I note the pikey cow slipping an unopened red into her bag.

We escape from their company as soon as the sit down stuff is over, so see no more of them that night.

At breakfast there's no sign of either of the GG. Two minutes before the start of the conference presentations and I spot them. Noise is her usual bustling, cheerful self. I've never mentioned that in her time outside of work, Noise is BROWN OWL at the local Brownie group. Everything she does IN work, is basically in her BROWN OWL persona. I actually quite like the woman really, even if she is amazingly annoying. Crisps is not cheery, this morning. Crisps is almost dead. She looks about 100 (she's about 60), is tinged with a fetching shade of green, and looks in AGONY.

She mostly sleeps through the morning presentations, waking briefly only to disappear to the bathroom twice. She didn't miss much. I learned some stuff about marketing and 'influencers' and other PR stuff entirely unrelated to either my job, or in fact reality in general. She missed our UK CEO explain excitedly how the global company had topped £3bn for the first time, had achieved 10% growth in a tough market, and why there was no cash for us to have a pay rise...

At 10.30 there's a coffee break, and we are reminded that anyone yet to check out of their room needs to do so. I've cleared mine earlier but nip back to my empty room for a bit of privacy to jettison the cooked breakfast. The GG rush off looking panicked - Crisps almost jogging - like zombies 'run' in the walking dead.

I find out later (they tell me nothing because I generally ignore them, but they mother my younger mate, and confide in him...) that poor Noise has been up most of the night in Crisps' room, stripping her bed after she's covered it in projectile vomit, and generally having to nurse her. They'd used the break to try to clean the room up a bit, after hearing in the general chatter about the infamous incident of a girl who 'left' soon after the company got an 'additional cleaning charge' for her room at last year's event!

Team building was a predictable waste of everyone's time. Stupid challenges, and everyone cheated, anyway.

Crisps has been very quiet at work so far this week, especially when our manager was asking me how the weekend was. I've saved him the details of her mess - mentioned only that she had a little too much, and suffered for it. I imagine she has an uncomfortable few days, waiting to see if there is any comeback from the hotel.

The silly ****.

Absolutely standard conference report. Nothing to see here [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Badger]

Start ordering some stuff to be delivered to the office in his name. Embarrassing stuff. That mop would go very well with a foot long Black Mamba next to it.

Funnily enough, the rest of us were discussing ordering random things for him last week.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

It's going to be a copy-and-paste job for your Christmas party in eight weeks' time isn't it?

I went to the Conference. There is not a CHANCE that I'll be attending the ('Great Gatsby themed') Christmas Party as well.

 

[AmexRuislip]

So, this weekend was our annual COMPANY CONFERENCE.

210 people. Completely unjustifiably expensive hotel in the Cotswolds. Drinks, then sit down meal on the Friday evening. Presentations in an auditorium from 08.45am - 12.00pm Saturday morning. Then after lunch - team building challenges.

I, along with anyone with an ounce of sense in our small team (basically everyone bar CRISPS and NOISE), have swerved the whole thing for about 5 years running. This year, this having been noted at head office, our manager instructed that he'd be accepting no excuses this year. So we all dutifully accepted (and then HE baled out at the last minute - for a funeral, tbf)

Panned out as follows:

Drove up Friday afternoon, via a hastily arranged, entirely unnecessary meeting - designed solely to ensure that there was no possibility of the Golden Girls travelling with me in my car.

My normal mate and I head to the bar, for a couple of pints at eye-watering, Cotswold conference hotel prices, before heading to the drinks reception.

At the drinks reception it is clear that a lot of girls from head office have made a lot of effort. There's free beer and plenty of eye candy, so the evening isn't a complete write off. My genuinely odd Northern engineer arrives, takes 30 seconds taking in the hubbub of all the unfamiliar people, and announces "I can't deal with this" and is gone, not seen again until the next day. He's an odd chap, with no social skills. Crisps and Noise appear next, having shared a bottle of wine upstairs to avoid the hotel prices.

We make a plan that the second the ballroom doors open, we have the lose the Golden Girls, and find ourselves a table with less annoying company. Successfully ditch them in the surge, only to be DEVASTATED to discover there is a sodding table plan. Just locate the table in time to at least reorganize the place settings, so I'm sitting between two strangers, with the GG the other side of the big table. 'Terri' turns out to be a cute Geordie lass, about 25 years old, so small victory there.

The meal is average at best. Not at all impressive. There is a pointless QUIZ, which literally every table appears to be cheating at, with their phones. And speeches. Yay. We set to having a reasonably enjoyable chat with Terri and her Polish mate, who has a fantastic figure and a man's face. Meanwhile Crisps has set about the wine on the table. Its a table for 12, but two seats are unoccupied. There's 3 bottles of white and 3 red. I don't drink wine. Nor does my mate. The Polish manbird is teetotal. Crisps is up for the challenge, with only limited help from Noise. As a rough estimate Crisps has done two bottles of white on her own. As the meal ends I note the pikey cow slipping an unopened red into her bag.

We escape from their company as soon as the sit down stuff is over, so see no more of them that night.

At breakfast there's no sign of either of the GG. Two minutes before the start of the conference presentations and I spot them. Noise is her usual bustling, cheerful self. I've never mentioned that in her time outside of work, Noise is BROWN OWL at the local Brownie group. Everything she does IN work, is basically in her BROWN OWL persona. I actually quite like the woman really, even if she is amazingly annoying. Crisps is not cheery, this morning. Crisps is almost dead. She looks about 100 (she's about 60), is tinged with a fetching shade of green, and looks in AGONY.

She mostly sleeps through the morning presentations, waking briefly only to disappear to the bathroom twice. She didn't miss much. I learned some stuff about marketing and 'influencers' and other PR stuff entirely unrelated to either my job, or in fact reality in general. She missed our UK CEO explain excitedly how the global company had topped £3bn for the first time, had achieved 10% growth in a tough market, and why there was no cash for us to have a pay rise...

At 10.30 there's a coffee break, and we are reminded that anyone yet to check out of their room needs to do so. I've cleared mine earlier but nip back to my empty room for a bit of privacy to jettison the cooked breakfast. The GG rush off looking panicked - Crisps almost jogging - like zombies 'run' in the walking dead.

I find out later (they tell me nothing because I generally ignore them, but they mother my younger mate, and confide in him...) that poor Noise has been up most of the night in Crisps' room, stripping her bed after she's covered it in projectile vomit, and generally having to nurse her. They'd used the break to try to clean the room up a bit, after hearing in the general chatter about the infamous incident of a girl who 'left' soon after the company got an 'additional cleaning charge' for her room at last year's event!

Team building was a predictable waste of everyone's time. Stupid challenges, and everyone cheated, anyway.

Crisps has been very quiet at work so far this week, especially when our manager was asking me how the weekend was. I've saved him the details of her mess - mentioned only that she had a little too much, and suffered for it. I imagine she has an uncomfortable few days, waiting to see if there is any comeback from the hotel.

The silly ****.

Sounds like a blast!
Did you not even pilfer a hotel dressing gown, with the hotel initials on it, the one with the Yorkshire town mentioned in?

 

[happypig]

So, this weekend was our annual COMPANY CONFERENCE.

210 people. Completely unjustifiably expensive hotel in the Cotswolds. Drinks, then sit down meal on the Friday evening. Presentations in an auditorium from 08.45am - 12.00pm Saturday morning. Then after lunch - team building challenges.

I, along with anyone with an ounce of sense in our small team (basically everyone bar CRISPS and NOISE), have swerved the whole thing for about 5 years running. This year, this having been noted at head office, our manager instructed that he'd be accepting no excuses this year. So we all dutifully accepted (and then HE baled out at the last minute - for a funeral, tbf)

Panned out as follows:

Drove up Friday afternoon, via a hastily arranged, entirely unnecessary meeting - designed solely to ensure that there was no possibility of the Golden Girls travelling with me in my car.

My normal mate and I head to the bar, for a couple of pints at eye-watering, Cotswold conference hotel prices, before heading to the drinks reception.

At the drinks reception it is clear that a lot of girls from head office have made a lot of effort. There's free beer and plenty of eye candy, so the evening isn't a complete write off. My genuinely odd Northern engineer arrives, takes 30 seconds taking in the hubbub of all the unfamiliar people, and announces "I can't deal with this" and is gone, not seen again until the next day. He's an odd chap, with no social skills. Crisps and Noise appear next, having shared a bottle of wine upstairs to avoid the hotel prices.

We make a plan that the second the ballroom doors open, we have the lose the Golden Girls, and find ourselves a table with less annoying company. Successfully ditch them in the surge, only to be DEVASTATED to discover there is a sodding table plan. Just locate the table in time to at least reorganize the place settings, so I'm sitting between two strangers, with the GG the other side of the big table. 'Terri' turns out to be a cute Geordie lass, about 25 years old, so small victory there.

The meal is average at best. Not at all impressive. There is a pointless QUIZ, which literally every table appears to be cheating at, with their phones. And speeches. Yay. We set to having a reasonably enjoyable chat with Terri and her Polish mate, who has a fantastic figure and a man's face. Meanwhile Crisps has set about the wine on the table. Its a table for 12, but two seats are unoccupied. There's 3 bottles of white and 3 red. I don't drink wine. Nor does my mate. The Polish manbird is teetotal. Crisps is up for the challenge, with only limited help from Noise. As a rough estimate Crisps has done two bottles of white on her own. As the meal ends I note the pikey cow slipping an unopened red into her bag.

We escape from their company as soon as the sit down stuff is over, so see no more of them that night.

At breakfast there's no sign of either of the GG. Two minutes before the start of the conference presentations and I spot them. Noise is her usual bustling, cheerful self. I've never mentioned that in her time outside of work, Noise is BROWN OWL at the local Brownie group. Everything she does IN work, is basically in her BROWN OWL persona. I actually quite like the woman really, even if she is amazingly annoying. Crisps is not cheery, this morning. Crisps is almost dead. She looks about 100 (she's about 60), is tinged with a fetching shade of green, and looks in AGONY.

She mostly sleeps through the morning presentations, waking briefly only to disappear to the bathroom twice. She didn't miss much. I learned some stuff about marketing and 'influencers' and other PR stuff entirely unrelated to either my job, or in fact reality in general. She missed our UK CEO explain excitedly how the global company had topped £3bn for the first time, had achieved 10% growth in a tough market, and why there was no cash for us to have a pay rise...

At 10.30 there's a coffee break, and we are reminded that anyone yet to check out of their room needs to do so. I've cleared mine earlier but nip back to my empty room for a bit of privacy to jettison the cooked breakfast. The GG rush off looking panicked - Crisps almost jogging - like zombies 'run' in the walking dead.

I find out later (they tell me nothing because I generally ignore them, but they mother my younger mate, and confide in him...) that poor Noise has been up most of the night in Crisps' room, stripping her bed after she's covered it in projectile vomit, and generally having to nurse her. They'd used the break to try to clean the room up a bit, after hearing in the general chatter about the infamous incident of a girl who 'left' soon after the company got an 'additional cleaning charge' for her room at last year's event!

Team building was a predictable waste of everyone's time. Stupid challenges, and everyone cheated, anyway.

Crisps has been very quiet at work so far this week, especially when our manager was asking me how the weekend was. I've saved him the details of her mess - mentioned only that she had a little too much, and suffered for it. I imagine she has an uncomfortable few days, waiting to see if there is any comeback from the hotel.

The silly ****.

Failure to dodge this sort of corporate bollocks leaves you open to accusations of bell-cheesery. As for Crisps' "winning" a bottle of booze, standard practice isn't it ?

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Failure to dodge this sort of corporate bollocks leaves you open to accusations of bell-cheesery. As for Crisps' "winning" a bottle of booze, standard practice isn't it ?

I'm not prepared to accept that label in this instance, as it was my first attendance at the ANNUAL event since 2013, and even this year was under heavy duress.

On the wine pilfering - maybe - but there were people in the room, on other tables, who would have been glad to drink it, rather than have to resort to the (no longer free) bar. If she was snaffling it to take home, that's poor form. If she was snaffling it to keep drinking in her room, she paid a heavy price!