Bell Cheeses at work

[jakarta]

Apparently we have to decide what we as an office are going to do for Christmas (it is barely October, just to clarify). Options on the table are, accoridng to the email just sent round:

-Traditional sit-down meal
-Laser tag
-Escape Room
-Bowling
-Takeaway and party games at work
-Scrooge option (do nothing)



May god have mercy on my soul.

Where is the Throw a Sickie Option?

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Just had the email about the annual "Take your Kid to Work Day" in November. It's good to have some advance warning for days when I need to work from home.

Wise choice, and you'll be smug sat at home during all the nonsense - EXCEPT that your empty desk will become the depository for 3 unwanted kids, with their colouring-in and boxes full of snacks, wiping their snotty hands on your chair and the underside of your desk.

 

[Badger]

Wise choice, and you'll be smug sat at home during all the nonsense - EXCEPT that your empty desk will become the depository for 3 unwanted kids, with their colouring-in and boxes full of snacks, wiping their snotty hands on your chair and the underside of your desk.

Apparently it's only for Grade 9 kids (13/14 year olds). So my desk will become the depository for a couple of bored teenagers staring at their iPhones whilst someone tries to explain what we do at the company.

 

[Spicy]

All true enough, it's the fact that they all have Snapchat and are prolific social media users. They have a little clique, about four or five of them.I can tell when they're typing angrily away on their PCs - they're not hard at work, they're messaging each other. Even though they sit in front of one another. I shit you not.

I've actually got along really well with this guy, he's a typically brash and loud Brummie - funny, usually really friendly. He seems to have got a bee in his bonnet though over this in particular.

I had a similar thing in the last office I worked and I hate that petty backbiting stuff. We had instant messenger and it was obvious when I told any of them in a nicer way than I am saying here, to shut their gobs and get on with work, they then spent time messaging each other moaning about me. Not a nice situation and it can get you down so try not to let it. Any point having a chat with the Brummie on a one to one basis and saying something to him like "have I p***ed you off about anything mate?" Hope you can resolve it soon but any situation like that in an office is usually down to poor management IMO.

 

[Igzilla]

Pet peeve today. A co-worker, who doesn't normally sit near me, but is today, has a cold. So bad in fact, that she's snuffling and groaning and moaning about it. I've already said to her that she should go home, but no, she's going to bravely carry on. Bravely carry on spreading your bloody germs everywhere, stupid. She even said, "Oh, I don't feel germy." Great. That really makes me feel reassured.

However, she is now magnifying her bell cheeseness by sucking noisily on cough sweets and shoveling handful after handful of M&M's into her gob, each one clacking against her teeth, followed by slurping noises and lots of sniffing. Driving me bat shit mental.

I might piss off and find an empty meeting room to spend the rest of the day in.

PS: I forgot to mention crunching and smacking of lips.

 

[Hampden Park]

Pet peeve today. A co-worker, who doesn't normally sit near me, but is today, has a cold. So bad in fact, that she's snuffling and groaning and moaning about it. I've already said to her that she should go home, but no, she's going to bravely carry on. Bravely carry on spreading your bloody germs everywhere, stupid. She even said, "Oh, I don't feel germy." Great. That really makes me feel reassured.

However, she is now magnifying her bell cheeseness by sucking noisily on cough sweets and shoveling handful after handful of M&M's into her gob, each one clacking against her teeth, followed by slurping noises and lots of sniffing. Driving me bat shit mental.

I might piss off and find an empty meeting room to spend the rest of the day in.

PS: I forgot to mention crunching and smacking of lips.

put laxatives into her coffee, put laxatives into her lunch, if this does not work, punch her hard on the nose

 

[sydney]

i have been getting increasingly irritated with a bloke at work to the point where i have had real difficulty treating him in a civil manner , today i had a chat with myself and decided to lighten up a bit , asked him if he wanted lunch from the shops as i was going , after numerous pointless questions we settled on donner kebabs.....he was piss farting around looking for change so i just said sort it out when i get back ......whilst waiting for said kebabs i had a browse in the paper shop and treated myself to a British Soccer Weekly mag ......bought a couple of drinks and headed back to site .....deposited his kebab and drink in front of him put my stuff on the table and went to wash my hands ....come back 2 minutes later and there he is with my BSW open at the middle ....the entire array of weeks results countrywide slowly disappearing in a bubble of chilli sauce , lamb fat and humous , i kid you not for once i was totally speechless , particularly when he attempted to ask me , through a mouth full of half chewed food , if i wanted my paper back .......thereby depositing a fair amount of tabouli and lettuce all over the table and himself.......**** me dead , some people just don't deserve a chance.........he has been informed he is required to purchase a carton of beer at days end tomorrow , it's the standard pay back for being an absolute CJTC....!!

 

[Hampden Park]

roll up the newspaper very tightly, fold it in half and Milwall brick him, t w a t

 

[Sarisbury Seagull]

This is B&Q in Hedge End, Southampton, so I think we are OK

I seem to be in there most weekends at the moment (landscaping the garden) so I am going to have to look out for 'Dave' now! Brilliant, the real life David Brent!

 

[Easy 10]

i have been getting increasingly irritated with a bloke at work to the point where i have had real difficulty treating him in a civil manner , today i had a chat with myself and decided to lighten up a bit , asked him if he wanted lunch from the shops as i was going , after numerous pointless questions we settled on donner kebabs.....he was piss farting around looking for change so i just said sort it out when i get back ......whilst waiting for said kebabs i had a browse in the paper shop and treated myself to a British Soccer Weekly mag ......bought a couple of drinks and headed back to site .....deposited his kebab and drink in front of him put my stuff on the table and went to wash my hands ....come back 2 minutes later and there he is with my BSW open at the middle ....the entire array of weeks results countrywide slowly disappearing in a bubble of chilli sauce , lamb fat and humous , i kid you not for once i was totally speechless , particularly when he attempted to ask me , through a mouth full of half chewed food , if i wanted my paper back .......thereby depositing a fair amount of tabouli and lettuce all over the table and himself.......**** me dead , some people just don't deserve a chance.........he has been informed he is required to purchase a carton of beer at days end tomorrow , it's the standard pay back for being an absolute CJTC....!!

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

I have to be seven sheets to the wind, absolutely trollied out of my tiny box, staggering around on a rainswept sink estate at 2am, having had nothing but a Pot Noodle and bag of pork scratchings in the preceding 12 hours. I don't think I've EVER consumed a kebab sober, much less at my desk in a lunchbreak.

Your office must smell like a turkish knocking shop.

 

[Muzzman]

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

Yup. Haven't read the full tirade as I'm still pondering this one.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

I have to be seven sheets to the wind, absolutely trollied out of my tiny box, staggering around on a rainswept sink estate at 2am, having had nothing but a Pot Noodle and bag of pork scratchings in the preceding 12 hours. I don't think I've EVER consumed a kebab sober, much less at my desk in a lunchbreak.

Your office must smell like a turkish knocking shop.

ChIcken kebab meat and chips in a tray on a Friday lunch in the park. It's not at my desk but I average it once a month. Lovely stuff.

 

[PeterOut]

Pet peeve today. A co-worker, who doesn't normally sit near me, but is today, has a cold. So bad in fact, that she's snuffling and groaning and moaning about it. I've already said to her that she should go home, but no, she's going to bravely carry on. Bravely carry on spreading your bloody germs everywhere, stupid. She even said, "Oh, I don't feel germy." Great. That really makes me feel reassured.

However, she is now magnifying her bell cheeseness by sucking noisily on cough sweets and shoveling handful after handful of M&M's into her gob, each one clacking against her teeth, followed by slurping noises and lots of sniffing. Driving me bat shit mental.

I might piss off and find an empty meeting room to spend the rest of the day in.

PS: I forgot to mention crunching and smacking of lips.

You have empty meeting rooms that you can spend a day in?
Our meeting rooms are never empty for less than 5 minutes - none of them.
We love meetings

 

[Igzilla]

You have empty meeting rooms that you can spend a day in?
Our meeting rooms are never empty for less than 5 minutes - none of them.
We love meetings

We have some that are cosy even for two people and can't be booked via the email system either.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

I have to be seven sheets to the wind, absolutely trollied out of my tiny box, staggering around on a rainswept sink estate at 2am, having had nothing but a Pot Noodle and bag of pork scratchings in the preceding 12 hours. I don't think I've EVER consumed a kebab sober, much less at my desk in a lunchbreak.

Your office must smell like a turkish knocking shop.

Straya innit.

 

[Easy 10]

Straya innit.

Thats a whoosh for me I'm afraid. Not quite down wid da kidz enough to understand

 

[Brian Fantana]

Thats a whoosh for me I'm afraid. Not quite down wid da kidz enough to understand

Slang for Australia, innit.

 

[happypig]

I'm working at our place in suffolk this week. Woman came round today with a jar of money, notepad and pen.
"would you like to take part in.."
"NO"

Why do some people feel the need to organise things ?

 

[Adders1]

i have been getting increasingly irritated with a bloke at work to the point where i have had real difficulty treating him in a civil manner , today i had a chat with myself and decided to lighten up a bit , asked him if he wanted lunch from the shops as i was going , after numerous pointless questions we settled on donner kebabs.....he was piss farting around looking for change so i just said sort it out when i get back ......whilst waiting for said kebabs i had a browse in the paper shop and treated myself to a British Soccer Weekly mag ......bought a couple of drinks and headed back to site .....deposited his kebab and drink in front of him put my stuff on the table and went to wash my hands ....come back 2 minutes later and there he is with my BSW open at the middle ....the entire array of weeks results countrywide slowly disappearing in a bubble of chilli sauce , lamb fat and humous , i kid you not for once i was totally speechless , particularly when he attempted to ask me , through a mouth full of half chewed food , if i wanted my paper back .......thereby depositing a fair amount of tabouli and lettuce all over the table and himself.......**** me dead , some people just don't deserve a chance.........he has been informed he is required to purchase a carton of beer at days end tomorrow , it's the standard pay back for being an absolute CJTC....!!

Where in Sydney do you work, and is the kebab place any good?

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Who the hell has a donor kebab....for LUNCH ??

I have to be seven sheets to the wind, absolutely trollied out of my tiny box, staggering around on a rainswept sink estate at 2am, having had nothing but a Pot Noodle and bag of pork scratchings in the preceding 12 hours. I don't think I've EVER consumed a kebab sober, much less at my desk in a lunchbreak.

Your office must smell like a turkish knocking shop.

Very very this