Bell Cheeses at work

[schmunk]

And wipe your knob on the rim of his coffee/tea mug. Very childish but does give you a great deal of satisfaction, especially if your around when they’re drinking from said mug.

Just be careful not to scald yourself...

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

Just be careful not to scald yourself...

Now that would be a school boy error!

 

[Sirnormangall]

And wipe your knob on the rim of his coffee/tea mug. Very childish but does give you a great deal of satisfaction, especially if your around when they’re drinking from said mug.

An act such as this would be entirely consistent with the title theme of this thread.

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

An act such as this would be entirely consistent with the title theme of this thread.

Rimming a mug was standard practice in the RN in revenge for bellcheese type behaviour, normally for senior NCO’s who were power hungry or generally twats.

 

[jonnyrovers]

And wipe your knob on the rim of his coffee/tea mug. Very childish but does give you a great deal of satisfaction, especially if your around when they’re drinking from said mug.

A very long time ago a mate (cough) did a tiny piss in his bellcheese boss’s contact lens solution. Apparently knowing your boss has your piss in his eyes is both soothing and immensely satisfying.


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[Brian Fantana]

I bring a Friday afternoon tale of WOE.

We had two new team members start late last year and both, I thought, were ok. Not brilliantly impressive at their jobs nor markedly lazy or crap, just middling. Like a drink. Don't eat smelly food or crisps and have normal ring tones. Newbie one is an Arsenal fan with a slightly grating voice but has otherwise displayed no bellcheesery to date whatsoever. Newbie two I had even higher hopes for given he was an Ipswich fan who actually went to games as well as a racing fan who sometimes offers tips that aren't awful. In fact I'm up on his tips. Funny, gets his round in, goes on site when needed. You know the sort.

So imagine my HORROR yesterday afternoon when Newbie Two enquired if we were all watching the Bake Off. No. No, I'm not.

Nor were very many others. There seems to be a core of Bake Off fans in the office and a remainder who, like me, neither know nor care about it (actually that's not true, if I'm going to watch a cooking show it needs to be Gordon Ramsey calling someone a ***t or the late, great Bourdain eating spicy insects with a Pacific tribe who are off their nuts on Kava rather than some odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire making a cake but I digress). The fact that only about THREE people are spending their evenings engaged in this torture didn't stop Newbie Two from instigating a compeition whereby people had to pick a contestant from the website as their favourite. Then....yes it gets better.....if they go out you have to bake something at home that your contestant attempted in the show they came last in. And take it in to the office for everyone else to eat and judge. Yes, really. So, not only do you have to visit the frickin website and learn the name of the odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire, you have to find out if she's any good at cake making, watch EVERY show and bake something for an office that contains (at the last count) a vegan, two vegetarians, one gluten intolerant, a Muslim, several kosher Jews and a bloke in the corner who never talks.

FFS.

(I'm not in which no doubt means I'll be regarded as GRUMPY).

Urgh, that's awful. This makes my own Bake Off shenanigans pale into insignificance.

I did enjoy basking in the glow this week of not having watched the first episode of the series, thus avoiding the office posse of morons debating whether it was unfair that the star baker in week one had previously appeared on a BBC cookery programme.

It really is a crock of utter, utter shite.

 

[beorhthelm]

... Yes, really. So, not only do you have to visit the frickin website and learn the name of the odd looking middle class bird from Cheshire, you have to find out if she's any good at cake making, watch EVERY show and bake something for an office that contains (at the last count) a vegan, two vegetarians, one gluten intolerant, a Muslim, several kosher Jews and a bloke in the corner who never talks.

pick the one most likely to bake a ham hock pie in the savoury round.

 

[wellquickwoody]

A very long time ago a mate (cough) did a tiny piss in his bellcheese boss’s contact lens solution. Apparently knowing your boss has your piss in his eyes is both soothing and immensely satisfying.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just wrong, end.

 

[Hampden Park]

And wipe your knob on the rim of his coffee/tea mug. Very childish but does give you a great deal of satisfaction, especially if your around when they’re drinking from said mug.

very lower-deckish but hilarious

 

[Hiney]

Unfortunately even the puns have been surpassed by something so pure in its bellcheesery that I'm not even sure a scale has been developed on which this cretinous bollocks can find a suitable place. At our monthly team meeting, there are always a few 'awards' given out for going above and beyond, completing important projects and so forth. It's fairly harmless, and generally takes the form of some vouchers or event tickets or something. However, as a nod to the Bake Off, our Director has now decided that the vouchers will be accompanied by a 'Hollywood handshake', only reserved for someone who has done something really special.

My son works at our local branch of B&Q. They have recently moved a new manager into the store, after the previous one was moved on. This new guy, in an attempt to ingratiate himself with the staff, has introduced a system whereby good work gets rewarded with 'Dave's Dollars'. This absolute TOOL has actually had a load of fake money printed up with his face on them, which he gives out at the daily team briefing. Unbelievable

 

[dazzer6666]

My son works at our local branch of B&Q. They have recently moved a new manager into the store, after the previous one was moved on. This new guy, in an attempt to ingratiate himself with the staff, has introduced a system whereby good work gets rewarded with 'Dave's Dollars'. This absolute TOOL has actually had a load of fake money printed up with his face on them, which he gives out at the daily team briefing. Unbelievable

 

[wellquickwoody]

My son works at our local branch of B&Q. They have recently moved a new manager into the store, after the previous one was moved on. This new guy, in an attempt to ingratiate himself with the staff, has introduced a system whereby good work gets rewarded with 'Dave's Dollars'. This absolute TOOL has actually had a load of fake money printed up with his face on them, which he gives out at the daily team briefing. Unbelievable

But can they be spent on anything? Like a beer for Dave, or a meal on Dave, or a night with Dave?

Personally I find the daily team briefing to be bollocks enough to be going on with. We should all know what our job is and just perhaps a weekly meeting should suffice, or maybe a Monday and Friday?

 

[Papa Lazarou]

My son works at our local branch of B&Q. They have recently moved a new manager into the store, after the previous one was moved on. This new guy, in an attempt to ingratiate himself with the staff, has introduced a system whereby good work gets rewarded with 'Dave's Dollars'. This absolute TOOL has actually had a load of fake money printed up with his face on them, which he gives out at the daily team briefing. Unbelievable

Do they have any value?

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

very lower-deckish but hilarious

Having never made it above the rate of AB, the lower deck was very much my home!

 

[Hampden Park]

Having never made it above the rate of AB, the lower deck was very much my home!

nothing wrong with that, made it to RS but my brain was still very JRO!

 

[Hiney]

Do they have any value?

Right, I've just asked him.

When you have accumulated 5 Dave Dollars, you get to spin a wheel. This guarantees a prize, ranging from getting your lunch paid for, shopping vouchers (£20-£50), to a half-day off. On balance then, reasonably impressive.

A lot of the women thinks 'it's a bit rapey', however.

Make of that what you will.

Here's a Dave Dollar

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Right, I've just asked him.

When you have accumulated 5 Dave Dollars, you get to spin a wheel. This guarantees a prize, ranging from getting your lunch paid for, shopping vouchers (£20-£50), to a half-day off. On balance then, reasonably impressive.

A lot of the women thinks 'it's a bit rapey', however.

Make of that what you will.

Here's a Dave Dollar

View attachment 100268

That's pretty good in fact. Well done 'Rapey Dave'

 

[Hiney]

That's pretty good in fact. Well done 'Rapey Dave'

Yeah it is isn't it.

Especially the half day off.

 

[Beach Hut]

Yeah it is isn't it.

Especially the half day off.

Rapey Dave - any reason why or is it the bleeding obvious ?

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Yeah it is isn't it.

Especially the half day off.

[MENTION=118]Hiney[/MENTION] - how come you've got $100 worth? What have you done for him lately?